Lightning

Chapter XXI

.Age 18. Part 2.

You know how you see posts on social media saying stuff like. "This is gonna be our year, a good year." I stupidly believed those posts over and over. Silly me. I thought 2016 was going to be my year. To start over completely and shed the shell I had been hiding in for the last year. But no. Life doesn't work that way.

There was a girl at school, Kyra. Not many liked her. I did though. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let her in my life. What a mistake. Soon she would become a friend. Which was nice. I had known of her since middle school but never really talked to her until now. Kyle started being really good friends with her so she started coming around more and more. She was nice. Long red hair reaching the middle of her back and freckles in her cheeks. She was a smidge shorter than me but most people were. Kyle always said she had a great ass. She was a dancer so her butt was fairly nice. But I had seen better.

At this point it was no secret that I had a thing for Kyle. Everyone knew. I would confide in Lexi but she would get irritated with my venting and change the subject. Which was fine but it always sounded like she was mad or irritated with me. One night, Kyra and our mutual friend Ann came over to my Dad's house with Kyle. It was a nice night for it being winter so we decided to take a walk. Kyle wanted to show the girls the bridge. My heart sank at the idea. I haven't been up there since that day and I didn't really intend on going back but if everyone else was going I didn't want to be at home alone.

On the way to the bridge I had some time to think. Could I trust Kyra? Kyle and Ann didn't seem to have a problem trusting her, so why should I? She hasn't done anything to me, all I hear are stories. Nothing personal to me. I could trust her...right? My brain said yes trust her, but my heart said hell no it's a trap. I had a problem trusting new people now. We can all thank Dan for that. I learned that if I don't make myself closed off then I will get hurt.

When we got to the bridge Ann and Kyle were enjoying the overview of the Expressway, trying to get semis to honk their horn. I sat down on the ground...well as close to the ground as I could get. The memories of what I had almost done flash through my head and wouldn't go away. Kyra approached me and asked what was wrong. So I told her. Everything. About where we were and what almost happened here.

"Oh my God, we should leave." She said trying to get me up.

"No, really it's okay. I can't avoid bridges forever and it's not that big a deal."

"Are you sure?" She asked.

I nodded in response and she joined me on the ground. I then told her about the boy I love and the boy I had loved. She became curious and asked the question I had been avoiding since these feelings came back.

"Who is he?" She asked.

Who is he? Sounds like such a simple question with a simple answer. If it was so simple why was it so hard to say it out loud. To her. Hell, to myself.  I could trust her couldn't I? Then why was it so damn hard?

"Kyle." I whisper.

"Oh." She says and looks his way.

He looks at us and we give a smile letting him know we are good.

I had just told her my biggest secret. I didn't really know her all that well but it felt good letting it out. Too good. I shouldn't have done it though. I have to make a filter for myself on what to say and what not to say.

....

When we got back to the house everyone had left and I had gone to sleep. Was I in love with him? Or was I in love with the idea of him? All I know is that my heart...my poor cracked, fragile heart can't undergo another heartbreaking. My mind was going a mile a minute. We had gone to the spot where my life damn near ended. I told a stranger my deepest secret. I saw that they started to cover the hole I had made on the bridge. My mind was racing, sitting in my room smacking myself for not being more careful around people I don't really know. Would she tell? Even if she did... It's not like it's a secret anymore. Karmen knows now too. She would come over to help me with my math homework. We were just bullshitting when she asked me if I liked anyone. So...I told her. I told her I liked Kyle and to my surprise so did she. But I need to be more careful. I don't want people to laugh at him because a gay guy loves him.

Sorry these chapters are so short. I will have bigger updates within the next couple of days. I love you all and thank you for listening to my story

Xoxo

Lightning.