Lightning

Chapter XXXVIII

.Age 20. Part 2.

After looking through his phone more I found a transcript of the messages he was sending. He was sending nudes back and forth with this guy. And I asked him over and over why I am not enough to make him happy. He kept telling me I am but his actions proved different. Then the serious question. Did you want to move with me, or did you want to be a slut?

....

Moving day was here and I called Hannah to come help me out. Everything was packed and ready to go, I still had the trailblazer which made moving a bit easier. The Trailblazer was a very spacious truck. All 3 rows of back seats came down to opening up the trunk making it easy to move my furniture. I picked Hannah up and went to the leasing office to get the keys. Once I had the keys I went over to my new apartment which was the building next to the leasing office. I was now on the second floor. No more kids looking into my window anytime they please. I opened the door and was immediately disappointed. This apartment was so small. I went from a two bedroom to a one but this is ridiculous. The kitchen and bathroom size reminded the same but the living room drastically dropped.

"How am I gonna fit everything in here?" I asked.

"Let's just keep grabbing your stuff. You need to be out today." She said heading back to the car.

When we arrived back at the old apartment Sawyer's Jeep was in the driveway. He had packed his Jeep up with some stuff and was waiting for me to come back to show him where the new place was. We loaded the truck again and did some more rounds until everything had been moved in.

When it came time to take Hannah back I saw blue and red lights behind me. I pulled into a vacant parking lot and was ticketed for having a brake light out. It was working earlier but with moving the couch it must have broken it. I took Hannah home and went home to tell Sawyer I need to go to court to get it resolved.

 It wasn't much but it was ours. Haven had no attachment to this place and we haven't talked to her in damn near a month. Fine by me. I want to be her friend but I am still mad at her and just disappointed. I'm not saying every twenty year old should have their life figured out, Lord knows I don't. But at least have the courtesy to help when you make a mess or just respect that not everyone is you shofer. 

....

About a month after moving in I was hired to be a custodian again at the local school district. My hours were insane working 5am to 5pm everyday except for weekends. I really didn't want to do it. I begged Sawyer to let me find something else, I worked so hard to get out of GCA I didn't want to take a step back and do cleaning again. Sawyer and Hannah basically told me to suck it up but they don't understand. Until you have cleaned a school you will never understand, working in no AC surrounded by chemical smells, Not being able to move up at all in the company, getting shitty pay. Going in and out of the hospital is my personal favorite. But I'll just act like I'm happy. I have to make sure everyone is happy before I can be.

This job had been kicking my ass to the point of I would lie to my boss just to go home early. Or I would just leave. I didn't care. My first check came, A week and a half late, And it was only two hundred. I have been working there a month and it's only two hundred. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

Domino had passed away as well and that destroyed Sawyer. He has had that cat for over fifteen years and recently had to say goodbye. Domino had suffered from pneumonia his whole life and that is what got him in the end. He was buried with his brother Tiger at Sawyer's parents house.

I really thought I could change him. That we would stop doing this because he loves me. While I was at work one day in July I recieved a snapchat from a old friend from high school I have not talked to in years informing me and sending me screenshots of Sawyer sending him Nudes and when my friend Max asked if he was seeing anyone Sawyers answer was 'not really.' This broke my heart and I called Hannah who told me to leave work and come to her house. Max had not told me how he got his snapchat so Hannah and I used my phone and went on every dating website we could think of to try and find Sawyer. No such luck. I would have to confront him when I got home. 

When I came home that night I confronted Sawyer. Telling him how hurt I was. He didn't say much only that he thinks we need to take a break. I had arranged to go stay at my Moms for a week and had cried everyday leading up to that.

When the time came for Sawyer and I's last night together for a week he changed his mind, that he didn't want me to leave, but he wanted to move to an apartment his boss had offered to him five minutes away from his work. How did this happen? A year ago we were happy and so in love, now he is trying to fuck other people and wants to get as far away from me as possible. What happened? What did I do? 

After talking with him and begging him to stay, his mind was made up. He was leaving until I told him the harsh reality.

"You can't keep trying to fix OUR problems by yourself. You hold your problems in and don't talk to me about them and then they explode like this, We should be moving forward and insted we are moving backward. If you leave the last step of moving backwards is ending it. You want to move an hour away and still date me but I am not going to do that, you know what happens if you leave."

To my surprise he said. 

"You're right.