Lightning

Chapter XII.

.Age 16. Part 1.

              At this point you might be thinking. 'His life really isn't all that bad.' I am about to tell you why. Why my life almost ended. When I turned 16 I had no idea that my life would be this hectic, this fucked up. I have heard everyone say that everything happens for a reason. I want to know what that reason is. I know, I know. No one knows. But I want to. I want to know why my life went downhill so fast, things that happened when I was 16 put me in a downward spiral that I would never come back from. This is when my life went down the drain. Love, loss, drugs. If you thought my life was easy....just wait. So buckle up and enjoy the ride.

Before I knew it, it was summer. Haven and I broke up for the last time. Just drifted apart I guess. Kyle got a car! It is so cool having one of us drive. He has a black 2010 Toyota Corolla . I had begged my parents to help me get my permit but they said I had to maintain an A average, which with Algebra involved it was impossible. Oh yes, they almost sent me to military school because my grades and attitude were shit. My grades is one thing but I only had one bad grade and they thought it would be smart to send me away, On top of that my attitude isn't that bad, I just came to the realization when I was 16 that you can be the nicest person on the planet but if someone is being mean to you, you have to still be nice. No. Not today and not ever. I treat others the way that they treat me, if they don't like my attitude then change theirs because I am a mimic.

December.

       After summer my Sophomore year of school started, I was moving up in school and I couldn't wait to get out for good. When winter hit I moved out of my Moms house. Jessie had kicked me out for a small reason I forgot. Mom didn't defend me, she always stood up for Jessie. Now let me clarify...he didn't kick me out and so I packed and left. No, it was building and building. Mom and me would be in constant argument so I figured space would be good for us. It was the hardest thing. My Mom thought I didn't love her, that was NOT the case. I wanted a good relationship with my Mom that's why I asked to go. Not because I didn't love her. With that being said getting dropped off at her house every morning was awkward. I know she wanted nothing to do with me, so in the morning sometimes after my Dad dropped me off I would just walk to the bus stop. Even in the winter, when I started smoking cigarettes. I would take one from my Dad every now and then, and my friend Amber would bring them to me. I would just go there, freeze, and smoke so I didn't have to see the hurt in my Moms eyes that I put there.
During the winter I discovered who I really was. What I was. I hadn't dated anyone since Haven and that was okay. But the more I thought about it the more lonely I got. I downloaded meetme on my phone. A dating app. It wasn't until a guy messaged me calling me hot that I realized I thought he was attractive too, in a way. I didn't tell anyone. Not even Kyle, my best friend. During everything that has been going on he has been there for me 100% of the time. He was like my brother. Anyway, after that feeling I got scared and deleted the app.

I didn't really think about dating after that, yes I was lonely but I just didn't feel emotionally available at the time. I don't know why but I am sad all the time. Soon I would be 16 and we would be going to frankenmuth with Kyle and my Moms family. It was something I couldn't wait for. A vacation with my best friend. I needed to get away from here. Just take a few days and relax with my family.

No one knew it at the time but I had been taking pills. Anything I could get my hands on to numb the pain that I felt. I would take benadryl so I would feel weird during the school day. After awhile I could take allergy meds to just feel tired and sleep a lot. When we went to frankenmuth I was on 6 benadryl to sleep the way up. My mind had different plans and was wired the whole time. We drove up with Aunt Jenna. I always get car sick when she drives so I wanted to make sure I was out of it. Kyle seemed to be enjoying the ride up. Him and Aunt Jenna held a conversation the whole 2 hours up there while I dozed off. When we arrived we grabbed our luggage out of her Kia and hauled it into the Dutch looking castle that was our hotel. I was excited. A hot tub, a pool, and an arcade. A nice relaxing weekend with Kyle and my family. I couldn't wait as soon as we got to our room I told Kyle to get his suit on and that we were going swimming. He had no arguments against it. He grabbed his suit and walked into the hotel bathroom. My Mom and Aunt already left the hotel room I am assuming that they went to find the bar. Why not right? It's a vacation. After Kyle got dressed into his swim trunks he walked out  holding a towel over his neck telling me that it was my turn. I walked over to the bathroom and changed into my black and blue swim trunks but kept my brown shirt with the word 'whiskey' printed on it. I never liked taking my shirt off. I always felt so uncomfortable, like everyone was staring at me. No one was obviously I am not much to look at. That and people would have gotten confused. I mean come on, I have long blonde hair that reaches almost the middle of my back, a high voice, I am very skinny but curved at the hips. And me walking around shirtless would be confusing for people. I walked out of the bathroom and we walked down to the pool area and went swimming for a few hours.

After we were done we stopped at a pool table and Kyle whipped my ass. Both games he won. We went back to out hotel room and changed into normal clothes. We had just decided to walk around the hotel and see what there was to do. We walked passed this huge chair. Almost looked like a throne.

"Get up there." Kyle said smiling.

"What?" I asked.

"Go sit up there and I will take your picture."

I nodded and jumped up onto the chair. I crossed my legs and looked at his phone. After he snapped the picture he told me that it looked to natural me being on a throne.

I like to pretend that I am a unbreakable person. That nothing ever bothers me. But that's not true. I just swallow everything until I snap. I numb pain till I am made of stone.

We ended up finding an arcade.

"Wanna go play for a few?" He asked.

"Yeah let's go!"

We ran into the arcade until he found his game. You know that game where it has a bunch of random numbers in a straight line and in the middle there is the jackpot, and if you hit the stop button just at the right time the light could land on the jackpot. That was his game. We must have spent hours doing it until the game gave him a jackpot. 1,000 tickets flew out of the machine and the look on Kyle's face was priceless. He looked like a kid in the candy store. All he could say was...

"Oh my fucking God I won!"

I laughed so hard that night. We walked over to the ticket machine and got a receipt for his tickets to cash out at the counter. We didn't pay attention to the time and they were closing everything. We would have to come back first thing in the morning and go to the prize counter.

Our day stay at Frankenmuth was so much fun and short, but now it was time for bed. We had to leave in the morning and it was already 2 am. Kyle and I shared a bed while Mom and Aunt Jenna were in the other bed. Alex was on the pull out couch with the friend she brought. I was so exhausted and Kyle said his neck really hurt all day so I wanted to be nice. I told him to lay on his stomach so I could massage him. I could feel all the knots in his neck and it was very stiff to work out.  I rubbed his neck for only 10 minutes before I heard snoring. He must have been more tired than I thought.

"Kyle." I whispered.

Her returned with a loud snore.

Ughhh

It took all of me to roll him over. He had grown in the passed two years. He stood at 6'2 and was thicker than before. Once I got him on his side of the bed I layed down to sleep as well.

If only I knew that sleeping would start a year long battle between Kyle and I. One that I feared we would never get over. And it was all my fault.