𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 [18+]

87: Warm as A Heart

"Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart."

― Mahatma Gandhi

Marienne's POV:

I stared at her as she cried.

Like a burdened soul, like a soul that lost it's own piece.....

She was clutching on to me tightly.

My hollowed heart felt some sort of relief as I saw her. Seeing her, thinking about her, loving her- it brought me relief. Her presence was like a comfort to my barren soul.

Trust, it is like a piece of glass. Once broken, it cannot be fixed, cannot be glued together. My trust was the same. I placed my trust upon several people- I trusted them with my life. Madeline, Lindy- both of them were the closest people of mine.

Both of them broke my trust and now? I was afraid.

I was afraid of trusting anyone ever again.

The extension of my mistrust seemed like an evigheden labyrinth of opprobrious. Like I was trapped into my own vulnerability, my own soul and I couldn't reach her, even if I reached out and touched her.

She was so close, yet so far away from me.

I was shattered, the moment I saw blood- I knew our child wasn't going to make it. The news was a revelation itself, like a burning fire purifying gold. I understood where it all came back.

I took away her son and her curse took away mine. It was all a cruel play of the fate.

She was sobbing- but I couldn't muster up the strength to soothe her. What would I say? It will be okay?

I knew that it will never be okay.

After loosing a precious piece of me.

Did she know that I needed her as much she did?

Did she know that I needed comfort from her- I needed reassurance from her, a reassurance that could make me trust people again.

My rain.....

It was a sonder, not a sudden one- but a gradual one. I was ready to sacrifice my existence into hers- but I was scarred.

Would she betray me too?

Would she leave me too?

Or would she.... stay?

When that bullet hit me, it was oddly painless. I have always feared being hit by a bullet- as a teenager when I would do those math of velocity- the speed of a bullet always astonished me.

I thought I would never be able to pick up a gun and I was true most of the time. Except when I actually picked it up.....

It was to kill someone.

The speed of that bullet was probably near 1700mph. 760Mps. That was the speed of the realization that hit me at the edge of death, 760Mps.

That was the same speed that urged me rethink my life decisions, the same speed that urged me to comfort myself and the speed of all those emotions I felt.

It was 760Mps.

My sanity, my sonder- they dawned upon me at 760Mps.

It was a moment of excoriating pain..... then everything went bleak.

Brume had started to surround me as I fought darkness with every fiber of my body. All I could look at was Rose.

It was then I realized pondering over past was destroying my present. It was then I realized that I could have a beautiful future with this beautiful woman who was now crying like a child.