Love or In Love (COMPLETED)

21. I AM SO SORRY

I found Sophie in beige trench coat with a coffee mug clasped in one hand sitting on one of the park benches. She was busying scribbling onto a small piece of tissue paper.

I pulled my black coat closer around me. "Hey."

"Oh hey Lexi." She moved over to one side and made place for me to sit.

" I got you one of these." Sophie handed me a cup of warm coffee. My heart softened by the gesture. The coffee helped me steady my nerves.

Now that I know, the girl whom I had spent a lot of time hanging out with was the very same one who practically ruined half my life. And still meeting up with her wasn't exactly the best idea, but it had to be done.

"So Lexi, I really want you to know about the past before we talk about the present." Sophie began.

"I guess I need to." I shrugged, sipping my coffee.

"Jackson and I met ten years ago, back in 2010." My eyes widened in shock. Jackson and I weren't dating back then. Before I could ask her, she continues. "You guys weren't dating back then, I know, I remember."

"I was totally drunk at a bar and was dancing with him, a total stranger. He was with a couple of guys, so I assumed he was single and kissed him. Since he kissed me back, I knew my assumption was right."

I nodded for her to continue. "After that night, I never met him. Heck I didn't even know his name. Fast forward four years later, 2014 I meet him again at a bar here in NYC. I'll be honest, it felt like it was fate." I let out a low chuckle .

"We exchanged numbers and started texting. I never knew he was in a relationship. I did stalk him on Facebook, but I found nothing. He began meeting me often at various clubs."

"I did start liking Jackson back then. I knew he never reciprocated the same feelings, and I could see that. When we first hooked up, the both of us were drunk and it was a huge mistake. But that's when I fell for him even more."

A sad smile played on my lips. Jackson was in love with me at that time. "He was in love with me. He played us both Sophie, he led you on, but half his heart was stuck on me. It was totally unfair to you as well." I told her.

She nodded in agreement. "The second time we hooked up, as bad as it sounds, we were totally sober, it was something I wanted, something he did too."

Her words stabbed my heart. I found myself testing similar waters of pain like I had done all those years ago. Knowing that hooking up with Sophie was something that he wanted, felt like a boulder placed on my heart.

If he were in love with me, why would he want another girl? Was I not enough? Was the time I had taken to mold my old self into an ideal girlfriend not satisfying enough?

"A few weeks later, when I missed my period, I took a pregnancy test. Well, not 'a' more like seven. And seven out of seven positives. Jackson was the only guy I had been with in a while, so it was obvious it was his." She continued.

"Not once did he bring up an abortion. And I wanted to keep the baby. I may sound pathetic when I say this, but somewhere deep now, I felt that the baby might just get him to love in love with me." Sophie's voice began cracking.

She was on the verge of crying. And I guess, I was circling the area as well.

"No, you don't sound pathetic. You were hopeful towards a jackass who fucked up too bad." I gritted my teeth.

Sophie sniffed, "My baby boy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Noah is my life Lexi."

"I know. Trust me, I do." I was hit by a flashback.