Love or In Love (COMPLETED)

33. MOVE IN

JORDAN'S POV

Readers please note, this entire scene takes place at the same time the accident occurs.

"Jordan?" Sophie called out from the bedroom, I headed inside.

"Yeah?" I asked numbly. I had no idea what was happening to me these days? I didn't know what to feel and how to feel.

My mind kept leading me towards Lexi's thoughts. I was totally and utterly smitten by her. That gorgeous woman had managed to capture my heart in months.

I wanted to tell her, I wanted to scream it from the roof tops, that I was utterly, crazily in love with her. I wish I had done something in the start. I could have told her that I was in love her before she and Jackson ever got back together. But I was so stupid, I kept pushing away my feelings towards her and tried to transfer them onto Sophie.

Had I just told her I loved her, neither of us would have gone through so much heart ache. The evening after the incident at the lake, I had finally mustered up enough courage to tell her the truth.

When she was showering, I sat down and prepared this long speech about how great 'Joxi' would have been and what an amazing power couple the two of us would become. I had planned the perfect evening, involving dinner by the pool and then a quick dip in the jacuzzi when everyone were asleep.

Just as I heard the shower being turned off, Lexi's phone rang, the caller being no other than Jackson Avery. Realisation hit me. Lexi was in a happy relationship with a guy she most desired. I didn't wanna be the one to ruin her happiness. Sometimes loving someone truly means letting them go and seeing them happy with someone else.

That was the worst night I ever had after Rachel. I have absolutely no idea why I did it but getting wasted felt like the only way out. Apparently not. My biggest fear? I didn't know what I blurted out to Lexi when I was drunk. All I remember was waking up to an empty bed with no Lexi.

I thought distance would make things better, but I was wrong again. I remember as I walked Lexi to her car, she said this was goodbye. It didn't click me at first, I told her I'll see her at work but that's when I realised what she truly meant, she wasn't going to see me again. Lexi's quick peck on my cheek felt like a kiss goodbye, one last kiss that concluded our relationship, our bond, whatever we had.

When I resumed work, I hunted for her, but she was no where to be found, that was when it truly felt like goodbye. I called in sick a few days later because I wasn't able to handle myself in a workplace full of Lexi and my memories.

When Lexi showed up at my apartment, all my hopes rose so high in the air. Everything shattered into bits when Lexi said the lake affair was a 'mistake' and then Sophie confessed her love to me.

After that day, I shut myself down, emotionally. I was too vulnerable in Lexi's presence, so I avoided her at all costs. It was the longest we had gone without communication. In fact, even now I have no idea where she is and how she's doing. I've been cooped up in my apartment all this while. I had no recognition of the outside world, except for Sophie's constant in and out goings.

"So, a few of my oldest and best friends are coming all the way from Los Angeles." Sophie went on talking cheerfully. She acted as if nothing was wrong. Either she was too blind to see it, or just too dumb to not acknowledge it.

"And obviously I offered to put them up at my apartment for the duration of their stay and Noah will be going to live with his grandparents. So I was thinking, I could live here with you. Like move in with you for the month. Doesn't that sound cool?"

Did she just say she wants to live here? WHAT! That too for a month? Yeah no! Not happening! I started distancing myself from her so our breakup wouldn't be so harsh, but here she's trying to drive us closer.

"You wanna live here?" I asked again. "With me?"

"Well, yeah. We love each other, so I don't see what the problem here is." She shrugged.

"Hold up, you're jumping the gun here. You love me." I specified.

"Well don't you love me back?" she asked as moisture began pooling in her eyes. I didn't know what to say to her. Words left my mouth.

"Are you serious about us?" I didn't really have an answer to that either.

"You know I love you, but I know for sure you don't love me back." she spoke.

"What? No!" I tried to tell her.

"If you do, say it back!" Sophie ordered.

"Say what back?" I tried to play it dumb.

"Tell me you love me." Sophie got up and threw her arms up in frustration.

"I-I can't" I whispered.

"I knew it." Sophie huffed. "You love someone else. It's Lexi, isn't it?"

"Does it really matter?" I sighed in frustration.

"Of course it does! The fact that if doesn't matter to you shows that you simply don't care about this relationship. About us!" Sophie's voiced raised by an octave.

"Of course I do care about this relationship." I was surprised when my voice raised by an octave, matching hers.

"Then why can't you say it? What's holding you back?" Sophie asked over and cover again. "I opened up to you. I gave you my heart Jordan! You've met Noah, the most important part of my life. Noah really likes you Jordan, and you still don't care about our relationship?" Sophie yelled.

I mentally cringed at the word 'our'. I didn't want the two of us to be associated that way.

"I never meant to hurt you or Noah." I said lowering my voice.

"THEN WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME BACK?" She screamed. Pain clearly radiating off her. even though I didn't love her, I couldn't see Sophie in so much pain.

"BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH LEXI!" I yelled back, finally accepting the truth aloud. "I was in denial all this while, but I've finally processed my feelings. I'm in love with Lexi Hunt."

"I knew it! The day when you told me Lexi and you kissed, after Royal Oak, I should have known I was making a huge mistake by dating you." she cried out with tears infused with anger in her eyes and frustration radiating all over.

"I'm sorry Sophie. But I can't help it if my heart belongs to Lexi. I love her and I never expected it to happen." I clutched my hair before throwing my arms to either side as I explained myself.

"Well then I guess this is the end of us, isn't it?" Sophie tried to calm herself down. I nodded in response.

"I'm really sorry Sophie. I never wanted to hurt you this way, I never wanted to hurt Noah. And I'm being really honest when I say this, he's a great kid Sophie, I really like him." I told her.

"I know, he really is." She smiled.

"Will you be okay?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"I'll be fine. I'll get over it." she shrugged. "I always do."

I walked over and pulled her into a hug. Sophie wrapped her arms around my torso and ducked her head under my chin. We stood there hugging each other for a long minute, before I kissed her lightly on her forehead, breaking the hug.

"I don't want Noah to get hurt." She said, her voice muffled. "So I want you to keep meeting him as and when possible. You can disconnect yourself from him slowly if you like, but honestly speaking, I'd want us to be friends in the long run."

"I'd like that too." I smiled. Sophie was a great girl, and I could do with another friend.

"So, what are you gonna do now?" she asked.

I knew what I wanted to do- get away from New York. "I'm heading back home to Philadelphia for a while, but I'll be back soon." I told her. I wasn't gonna leave the city that introduced me to the love of my life so soon.

"Keep in touch Jordan." she smiled before gathering all her stuff and leaving my apartment for good. 

Author's note:  And that's a wrap on Sophie and Jordan's relationship! But they will remain friends even in the future. 

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