Mystic: Gojo x Reader

22: Part 2

**this chapter is supposed to be in direct contrast to the last chapter. honestly, i feel like another side of gojo needs to be talked about, so ima try my best. hope you like it.

also, it's still a flashback of what happened between them**

**Satoru POV**

I sat on the floor of my bathroom, my back resting up against the sink. I had never felt lower in my life. Everything seemed like it was seconds away from crashing in around me.

All I wanted was to talk to Y/n, to see her beautiful face and kind eyes, hear her sweet laugh. I missed her so much.

And even though she was the only one in the world that could make me feel better, I felt so pathetic. I didn't want her to know I got like this. I didn't want her to know how weak I really was.

She'd seen me cry before, but to know it got this bad, I could never let her see it. She might already know from connecting with me, but I wouldn't let her see it firsthand. Not now and not ever.

But honestly, I was exhausted. I was sick of this life. I was tired from being responsible for everyone. Every part of me felt drained.

And tonight of all nights, I agreed to go out with everyone. I really didn't want to, but I couldn't back out now.

I couldn't let anyone know I had these feelings, that I had bad days, that I broke down too. I was expected to carry the jujutsu world on my back, nothing else about me really mattered.

I focused on getting my breathing under control as I ran my fingers back through my hair. I can't remember the last time it got this bad.

I was having panic attacks almost everyday now. They started when Y/n and I got into that huge fight recently. I could never cope well when we weren't on good terms.

As scary as it was, I needed her. I needed her more than she would ever know. Why couldn't I tell her? Why couldn't I just let her see all of me?

She was probably the least judgmental person I had ever met, and she loved me more than I've ever been loved before...

Fuck, I really wish she was here.

I forced myself up to my feet before I crashed back into hysteria thinking about how much I missed her.

I opened up the small cabinet behind the mirror to grab my toothbrush. I stared at the small little box I kept tucked against the corner of the top shelf.

Someday when I finally got the courage, I would ask her... Someday when we weren't on the tail end of a major fight and could actually spend some real time together.

I don't know what the hell I would do if she ever left. But I was such an asshole sometimes. Why couldn't I get my shit together?

After brushing my teeth and splashing my face with cold water, I quickly got dressed and left to head out for the night. Nanami was already waiting for me, and I took my time getting into the passenger seat of the car.

He always drove when he agreed to come out so that he could leave whenever he wanted. And so that I could drink as much as I wanted, as I was known to do on occasion.

"You're late," he said impatiently as he drove away.

I smirked, "Good to see you too, Nanami."

I didn't know why, but he seemed more uptight and on edge than usual.

"You good?" I asked him.

"Fine. Are you doing ok?" I noticed him glancing over at me.

"Mm, you know me Nanami. I just love going out," I let out a soft laugh.