Hated- Really?

Part 32: The Secret

AN: I have decided that going forward, I would dedicate each chapter to the particular readers who have commented and shared their views so far, right from the beginning. Thank you all and keep reading, voting and commenting. :* <3

This chapter is dedicated to kesa_obaka :) 

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Love?? Did he just say that he loved her??

What the hell was she doing? All of a sudden she recalled the very first day when her dad was leaving her behind with some unsaid warning.

"Live your life but know and try to understand where to draw lines and what limitations you should have as the eldest daughter and as a girl."

And here she was... Being touched inappropriately and lying with a guy whom she didn't know for more than a couple of months.

Was she breaking her dad's trust by doing this? Her mother won't take much time to make her look like a criminal who has committed the worst sin. And Alvira? She would be the happiest since by doing this, Shanaya won't be the dutiful daughter anymore.

Was she misusing her new gained freedom?

Was this wrong? Was not she supposed to focus on her studies rather than focusing on the beautiful eyes in front of her?

But then why her heart didn't agree that it was wrong? Why it felt like it was the right thing to do though she had the guilt of her secret but apart from that... Like it was meant to be..

Her inner conflicts were too much for her to handle.

He was still stroking her cheeks gently. There were lots of things to consider. Especially the secret she was hiding. Will he still say the same thing after knowing that fact about her? She doubted that very much. In fact she was sure he would hate her.

"It's okay, you don't need to say anything now. I can wait as long as you want me to, even it is a lifetime.." Rudra said softly seeing her closed eyes as if she was battling inside.

Shanaya might not be expert in these things but she was expert in putting her fingers exactly on the point when she sensed pain or hurt in others whether they showed or not. She knew he was hurt. It was not that she had no feelings for him. She knew she felt for him but there was a reason that was stopping her. She knew the truth, he didn't.

She closed her eyes, sighed and opened again only to see him withdrawing when she placed her hands on his bare shoulder. She hugged him, bringing him in the same position they were in. She liked the feeling, no she loved it. She felt safe, secure and... home? Something that she had never felt with anyone, not even at her home. She closed her eyes again, inhaled his smell. His confession had made her realize that how much she had longed to hear those words. How long had she waited for the moment. She did not know how his feelings had changed from hatred to love or what she had done to change his feelings or if there was any hatred at all in first place. Had she gone wrong again in understanding him just like she did with his dad?

Ugh!! Why these things were so complicated. She loved being carefree, even careless.

At this moment she wanted to forget everything and tell him about her own feelings. But, this was suicidal... For her at least! She had never let anyone come this closer, neither physically nor emotionally. She tried hard but a traitorous tear had escaped her eyes. It was good that he could not see her at the moment. Once he would know her truth, he would never look at her again.

Would it be selfish to cherish the moment and forget about the so called truth and be a girl, just a normal girl?

Would the risk be worth if she just lives in the present and forget everything else... including her family and her responsibility as a daughter? Rudra had never given her reason to trust him but then he had never done anything to break her trust.

Would she be wrong if she made a choice for the first time in her life knowing well enough that it may cost her a great deal?

The actual question was "did she want to commit? Did she have the power to defy her parents, take risk understanding that she might not be able to endure the consequence?"

She kept her eyes closed and before she could think more, she whispered..

"I love you too." Her words made both of them still.

He wanted to make sure that he heard her correct, to see it in her eyes but she held him in place. He could feel her smiling and trying to hide in his chest. He chuckled at her shyness, completely unaware of the flood of tears she was trying to control.

He kissed her cheeks.

"I am finding it quite difficult to live without you." He whispered in her ears. He felt her biting her lips and groaned, not knowing how hard she was trying not to break down in front of him. It was a losing battle she was fighting. She was walking on a thin ice where if anything went wrong she would lose everything.

But she was in the arms of her first love, completely aware that it won't last long but she was ready to take the risk, cherish the feeling for whatever duration it was.

"If you kept me prisoner in your arms any longer, I don't think I would be able to control once again." And with that, she removed her hands instantly, wiping her traitorous tear in the process which had skipped somehow, covering it with a smile.

"What's wrong?" Rudra asked her seeing her nose which was red at the tip.

"Nothing" She smiled at him but surprised that he had seen through her even after her clever attempts while her family mostly either ignored or couldn't figure it out. Well.. Except Alvira who liked mocking her more whenever she cried.

"Don't you trust me?" He asked her thinking that she was scared of future.

Yes she was.. But due to completely different reasons.

"I do." She answered honestly and then silently added in her heart...
"just don't know if you would ever trust me again. I don't trust my own decision. I am just following my heart blindly."

He cupped her face and asked "why these tears then?"

She smiled again..

"I guess I am just scared."

It had been almost two weeks since the proposal and their intimate moments. At one hand Rudra was feeling completely blessed whereas Shanaya was happy but had a constant guilt. Every day she thought about disclosing the truth but did not know how to muster courage for that. Not only that, Natey had heard her talking and her relationship with Rudra had become a common knowledge which she did not want and was sure that even Rudra won't like his personal life getting public. Also, she was getting looks from her hostel mates inluding Natey but she was trying to be sweet at times, weird that no one was saying anything to her directly.

Finally one evening when she could not bear it at all, Shanaya decided that she would tell him about herself and then let him decide what he wanted. She did not want to hurt him but she had already been selfish with him. She had no courage to face him or speak to him so she decided to text him.

"I am not the girl you are looking for. Am sorry."

She hoped something magical should happen like hostel floor opening up and engulfing her whole so that she would not have to face his wrath. She closed her eyes tightly when her phone started ringing, showing a call from Rudra. Shit!! Nothing like that had happened. She was still alive. Well, that won't be the case for long.

"What do you mean?" He sounded angry, very angry.

"I talked to my Mom and asked her about Royal families. I know the history that OUR family shares."

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Blast!!

Any guesses about the secret?

And dont't worry I don't support incest! :P