Again. Again. Again. 《 l.s》

♡ NINETEEN ♡

🚨 TW 🚨 (Very brief, vague mentions of self-harm)🚨 TW 🚨

[ No POV ]

Harry's father left on a dark and stormy Tuesday night exactly 7 years ago. He left for "Too many reasons to count." In his own words.

Harry's parents always knew he had a problem. The earliest sign was probably when he refused to go to sleep until someone turned his lights on and off 3 times. They thought it was just a phase, something he would grow out of. Clearly, this is not the case.

It barely took Harry's doctor 3 minutes to diagnose Harry. After he walked through the lobby door 3 times he was already getting prescribed medication.

Harry remembers the words that were written on his chart. He wasn't supposed to see, no 7 year old should have. He was just getting good at reading but the words were unmissable. 4 big fat bullet points scribbled on the paper.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Anxiety

Extreme case

Low quality of life

As a little 7 year old with unruly hair and a missing tooth. He didn't understand what any of those words meant. Not until later in life. When he was carving them into his skin. Those words and all the others he had been labeled over the years. In the dimly lit bathroom, watching the crimson liquid run down his thighs. But he doesn't do that anymore, and he's never told anyone he did it. The scars are pretty faded now. And you can't see them unless you look closely at his thighs. Which obviously nobody is doing.

He never really came out to his parents. He guessed they found out when he was ten. When they had "the talk." And they asked if he got butterflies when he was around people. He told them.

"Yeah, but not around girls." And he'll never forget the look on my father's face.

Speaking of his dad. He left on that Tuesday. With slamming doors, tears while screaming curses and slurs. Most of it Harry just tuned out. But there's one thing he'll never forget. Right before he left. As he was standing in the doorway holding his suitcases. He looked Harry dead in the eyes and said.

"You are nothing. You are shit. Once I walk out this door, you are dead to me. I could die tomorrow and I would not lose a thing. You are worthless. Nobody will ever love you. My biggest regret is keeping you. I tried to get you aborted but your mother wouldn't let me. And look at what a big mistake that was. You are nothing but a retarded faggot."

He lifted his hand and smacked him in the face, one last time. For good luck I guess. Making Harry stumble back holding his stinging cheek. And with that, he turned around and walked out the door. Leave Harry there with the sound of his mother and sister sobbing in the background.

Harry never saw him again.

•••

Louis's family was never as broken as Harry's. They weren't always so accepting though.

They found out he was gay only 2 years ago. When the whole family walked in on him and Zayn snogging. And yes, he means the whole family. They were all coming to tell him they were going out to eat.

Meaning all his siblings and parents. Including the 2 year old twins. Saw him straddling a shirtless zayn. With fistfuls of his hair in Zayn's hands.

I'm sure you can assume how awkward dinner was that night.

His parents at first tried to get him to go to church more. Hoping it would. "Take the gay out of him." But after they realized that wasn't gonna do anything they decide they would just accept it as best they could.

After his parents caught him and Zayn. He was still allowed to hang out with him, but they weren't allowed together alone anymore. The lack of affection ultimately lead to their breakup. It was really painful for Louis. Considering it was the first person he had really loved. Zayn moved on really quickly thought. Almost the next week, when Louis was still eating ice cream every night. Zayn was already hooking up with some other guy from school.

When Louis and Zayn were dating they were pretty open at school. They held hands in the hallway and made out in the janitor's closet. They were that couple. The type of couple Louis has grown to hate. But little, naive Louis realized very fast, not everyone is accepting. People at his school were not appreciative of his relationship with Zayn. They called him every name and slur in the book. They left notes in his locker, telling his how much a disgusting disgrace he was. People were telling him to kill himself just because of who he loved.

It got so bad he had to move schools. And once he had entered this new school he decided.

Nobody was ever going to know he was gay.

••••••

I'm sorry :( I thought things very just a little too happy

I didn't wanna add too many details because I didn't want it to be too triggering. This will probably be the only chapter we talk about.

Love you

- T xxxx