Again. Again. Again. 《 l.s》

♡ FORTY - NINE ♡

Get your tissues, there was your warning.

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"A moment of anger can destroy a lifetime of work. Whereas a moment of love can break barriers that took a lifetime to build." - Unknown 

"Trust takes years to build, seconds to destroy and forever to repair." - Unknown 

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Songs 

Selfish - Madison Beer 

I hope - Gabby barrett 

Set fire to the rain - Adele 

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*  6 day time jump *

[ Harry's POV ]

THURSDAY

Me and Louis have been 'hanging out.' for a week now. This means Louis comes over, sits in my room, we have a very short conversation and then we just sit and work on homework. It concludes with very awkward goodbyes and every day the cycle repeats. 

"Hey, Harry." Louis says, throwing his backpack in the corner instead of hanging it on the hook. I cringe but don't say anything because I'm too scared he will get mad at me. 

"Hi, Louis." I say lamely, I lean back against my headboard and start writing in my journal. He sits down on the couch and scrolls through his phone. 

Our relationship makes my head hurt 

Whenever I think about how off we are. About how we can't get through a single conversation without arguing. I hate arguing. It makes me wanna curl into a ball and never wake up. 

Every time I'm around him. It's like walking on eggshells. 

"Whatcha writing?" He asks, peering over the top of my book. I quickly close it and look up at him. 

"Nothing."

"What's going on with you?"

"Nothing is going on I'm just-" 

"What's your big secret? I feel like you're keeping something from me. Always writing in that little journal. And you never even talk anymore. Sometimes I have to remind myself that you're not a robot." He accuses me, I stand up and am suddenly aware of the way his shoes are leaving little marks on the floor. And the way his backpack is just thrown and not hung up. The way only half his shirt tucked in. God, why is he so messy. I plug my ears and start counting. 

"1...2...3...4..." 

"Harry you can't just do that to ignore me!" His voice comes through all muffled. I sigh and start over.

"1...2...3...4..." 

"Harry!"

"1...2...3...4..."

"HARRY!" 

"I had a crush on you ok?!" I explode. Making the entire room feel like it's frozen in a block of ice. Louis' jaw drops open but he quickly regains his composure.

"There's the truth, the huge secret." I say with aggressive air quotes. "Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted? To hear me spill it in my bedroom?" 

"You had a crush on me?" 

"Yes, I had a crush on you. People fall in love with the wrong people sometimes. Some mistakes get made and that's alright. But have made too many big ones. You were the wrong person. You make me feel like I'm nobody. You make me feel like I'm just your little accessory. You don't care, you never did. You don't give a damn about me!" 

"Harry you know that's not true."

"If you actually cared about me you wouldn't have left me at all. But you leave me, and hurt me, and then expect me to come crawling right back like a hurt deer. But even through all that I still loved you. And a tiny, minuscule piece of me still does."

"Ok."

"OK? OK? IS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY? I JUST POURED MY HEART OUT AND ALL I GET IS OK?" I shout, fighting the urge to shove him against a wall. 

"I DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY OK? I'M SORRY" He says with a shrug.

"I had a feeling that you never felt it." I say with a plastic chuckle. 

"What do you want from me?!" He asks, throwing his hands in the air. Like I'm asking him to invent time travel. 

"I WISH YOU HADN'T LED ME ON FOR SO LONG LOUIS!' 

"I DIDN'T LEAD YOU ON HARRY! I'm sorry if you EVER thought that I had feelings for you. But I don't catch feelings for my friends.

Especially if that friend is you." He spits, I can see his fists clenched at his sides. And his eyes are black again. Louis is gone, and now there is just this monster in his place. 

"Why?" I whisper. 

"Because I'm happy, I'm happy with Kat. You were just an anchor holding me down on the bottom of the ocean. Once you are gone I can finally sail away. I don't need you and your freak show. You should go back to the circus."

"I'm glad you're happy! I hope you two are already planning your wedding. Make sure you invite me, so I can watch the only perosn I've ever been comfortable with. Get ripped away from me one last time!"

 "And most importantly." He completely ignores what I said. "I'm not a faggot! Like you. At least, not anymore." His voice dripping with venom. His words bite me like a cobra and injects me. It seeps into my blood and makes me feel sick to my stomach. 

"You said we w-were soulmates." Is the only thing I can say. My voice cracks halfway through and I'm a blubbering mess. 

"I might be your soulmate." He pauses and grabs his bag. "But you're not mine." 

That's not how soulmates work. 

And I watch through hot, burning tears as he leaves me for a final time. Slamming the door on his way out. And it's not til' he's gone that I realize. 

He didn't skip the 3rd and 7th step. 

••••••

How are we all feeling?

Love you

- T xxxx