(Not edited please excuse errors)
NANDI MYENI
I now remember Mazwi’s words when I first met him. I wish I had walked away back then. I wish I had walked away the moment that I found out that Nkanyiso is married. I cannot believe that I saw a future with this man. I cannot believe I thought he was the one. Now I am stuck with him. I know it sounds crazy when I say I am stuck with him but Nkanyiso won’t let me leave. He says I am not going anywhere with his child.
The sad part is that he threatens me and then tells me that he loves me the next moment. After that, he says that he loves us all. At this moment I wish I was like Leah. I wish I had the courage to walk away and tell him that I don’t need him. I actually do, I need this man. Who will help me raise this child if he leaves me? Where will I go from here?
I am not ready for the lecture from my family. I am not ready for my mother to remind me that I turned down I job opportunity. If I could turn back time, I would go back and accept that job. Maybe if I had a source of income, I would run away from this man.
Noxolo is still here. She said her mother kicked her out of the house so she has nowhere to go. I asked her how she got with Nkanyiso and she said that they were not dating but there were two people that would randomly hook up. I am disgusted in Nkanyiso at this point. Who sleeps with their brother’s wife’s sister?
According to Nkanyiso, he doesn’t love Noxolo. He loves me and Leah. We are the ones that have his heart. At this moment, I don’t know what to believe, I don’t know if anything that comes out of that man’s mouth is true or not. He has lied to me so many times and the sad part is that I still love him. I still want to be with him even after all his lies. My ringing phone snaps me out of my thoughts.
Me: Hey, girl!
Tiana: Hey you… I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days. I thought you said you were moving out of his house.
Me: I have been thinking, I have to think of my child and Nkanyiso won’t let me leave.
Tiana: You have to think of yourself too. If he won’t let you leave then let us bring the police into this. He cannot hold you hostage.
Me: It’s complicated, Tiana. You wouldn’t understand. My child will need his or her father. I have to stay for my child.
Tiana: You are just making excuses and you know it. Nandi don’t be that woman. You are still young and you’d be surprised that there is another man that will love you are.
Me: Sadly, the only man I want to love me is Nkanyiso. I love him, Tiana.
Tiana: You know what if you want to stay with him then stay with him. But you are making a big mistake. I will be available if you need me.
Me: Thank you.
Tiana: I wish you could see things through my eyes. I wish you could see how much you are settling for less. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.
Me: He treats me well. He doesn’t abuse me.
Tiana: Physically he doesn’t but are you okay emotionally? Is this the life you want?
Me: It is…let me call you later, okay.
I hand up and cry. I also want to leave but this man is not letting me. He made it clear that I am not going anywhere. He made it clear that as long as I am carrying his child then I am not going anywhere.
“Hey, what is wrong?” Nkanyiso stands behind me, “Why are you crying?”
“How can I not cry when you continue to hurt me like this? How can I not cry when you continue to make a fool out of me?”
He makes me face him and wipes the tears off my face, “I am sorry for making you cry but I swear it is not my intention. You know I love you.”
“You say you love me but do things that say otherwise. Why do you keep on hurting me like this? My only crime is loving you.”
He says, “I am sorry my love, I promise things will go back as they were. I promise.”
“Don’t lie to me. You say that yet go and find another woman. You say that yet go and make another woman pregnant?”
“I told you with Noxolo it was just a mistake. I don’t love her. I love you,” he replies.
“Yeah, you love me and Leah, right?”
“Please don’t say that. Nandi what do I have to do to prove that I love you?" he asks.
“You could start by being honest. You could start by being faithful. Maybe then I would believe a word that comes out of your mouth.”
He nods, “I will change, I promise.”
“What about Noxolo, is she your wife too now?”
He exhales heavily, “At this point, I don’t know. I mean she is carrying my child meaning she will always be a part of my life. I just have to tell my brothers what happened then we see what we can do and pay her family what they ask for?”
“What about my family? Are you planning on keeping me as your woman yet my family doesn’t know about you?”
He leans and kisses me, “I am going to pay lobola for you. Tell your family about us then we can do things the right way.”
“I don’t want you to marry me out of pity. I know you are saying this because I mentioned it.”
He groans in annoyance, “Can’t you see that I am trying? I am trying to do things right.”
“Don’t pay lobola for me. I wouldn’t want reasons to not leave you. Unlike Leah, my family would not be able to pay you back your money when I chose to leave.”
He cups my face, “My love do not talk like that. Nandi I love you.”
“You only love yourself, Nkanyiso.”
“Don’t say that. I know I am not perfect but I have never lied about my feelings for you. I love you the same way I loved you when I first met you. I know I am not perfect but please do not doubt my love for you. I am human, I have flaws too,” he says.
“Cheating is a choice, not a flaw. Continue treating me like trash, Nkanyiso Madida. One day, just one day I will wake up and be fed up with all this. One day I will stop loving you, walk away and never look back. Isn’t right now you are making me a fool because I love you? One day I will leave you, I swear.”
LEAH MAVIMBELA
I think now I understand what people mean when they say life is short. Indeed life is short. One moment you are with someone and the next moment they are gone. I cannot believe Justin is gone. Why does God have favorites? Why do bad things happen to good people? Justin did not deserve to die.
Why did God have to take the one person that showed me what love is? He was one person that loved me unconditionally. No man has ever loved me as Justin did, not even Nkanyiso. Now he is gone and I will never see him again. It’s not fair, Justin did not deserve this.
Today was his burial, I watched the casket go down and a part of me was buried with him. If I knew this was going to happen, I was going to stay away from him. If I knew this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him. I know this is my fault. Justin is dead because of me. He is dead because I married a dangerous narcissist.
“I am going to go for a drive,” I say to Samantha. We just came from the funeral. "Can you watch Amahle for me?”
“I can watch Amahle but are you in a state to drive?”
“I will be fine,” I flash a smile.
“Take it easy on yourself. This was not your fault.”
“But it was,” I wipe the tears off my face, “It is my fault.”
I need some air. I drive out and for some reason, I end up in Nkanyiso’s office. I hate him right now. I wish I could kill him but death is too easy. He deserves to suffer.
“Why?” I ask him, “Why did you do it?”
He closes his laptop, “What are you talking about?”
“Justin did not deserve to die. Why did you kill him?”
“I warned you not to try me but you wanted things to be done the hard way,” he replies, “Come home and stop this madness.”
“You just made me hate you more, Nkanyiso Madida. And I am never coming back to you.
***
From Nkanyiso’s house, I drive to the nearest place that sells alcohol. I am not the type to drink out but today I couldn’t hold myself. I hate myself for getting Justin killed. I could have stopped this. I could have gone back Nkanyiso.
I wish I could die but I have my little girl to live for. Nkanyiso will pay, he hurt me and I let it go now he kills the man I love. He will pay for this. I don’t care that he is the father of my child but he will pay for this. Him and anyone that tries to come in my way.
“Don’t you think you have had too much to drink?” says a male voice.
“Don’t you think you should mind your business?”
“Rough day?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks and I fail to stop myself from sobbing. I hate Nkanyiso right now, “Did something happen?”
“My soon-to-be husband killed my boyfriend. I hate him and I want to hurt him too.”
“Then do just that, should we break his legs?” he asks.
“I want him to suffer. I want him to suffer but not die.”
“I enjoy inflicting pain on bad people. My name is Wayne,” he extends his hand to me.
