The Way We Fall

Chapter 143 (Roche)

Roche watched Kai and the princess cry into each other's shoulders, their limbs tangled in a passionate embrace. Her heart ached for them both, guilt curdling her stomach.

Circe had been right about Finn. She'd been too much of a coward to act on the advice. And now... Tigris had an enemy that would apparently bring about her downfall and conspire against the peace she would bring.

Roche stumbled away from the sight. Whatever happened next, she had to protect Tigris. Finn's inkblood was strong. If she wasn't careful, his power would soon outmatch hers.

The hours seemed to pass like minutes, time flowing between her fingers like a river. Tigris was kept busy with duties that had belonged to her father and the clean up after the coup. Roche didn't arrive back at the library until well after midnight. Her head ached with fatigue, and Verita smiled at her sympathetically.

"Long day?" she asked, doling out a portion of bland Faultless stew. Roche nodded.

"The longest," she replied, sliding into her seat. Verita gazed wearily at the expanse of their chambers, at the books they'd packed inside. Most of the books required repairs and reprinting after the fire Romulus had set. Verita had been kept busy ordering new books from the few vendors that existed and repairing the ones that she could from memory.

The elder woman's memory was truly something to be envied.

"How is Tigris faring?" Verita asked, taking a bit of her own dinner. Roche shrugged.

"She's doing as well as can be expected, considering everything that has happened," she murmured despondently.

Verita arched her brow, her gaze piercing Roche's very soul. "And what happened, Roche?" When Roche opened her mouth to answer, the elder added, "I mean with Finn. I've heard Tigris' version, but somehow I think things are more complicated if you're not eating your dinner."

Roche looked down, realising that she'd just been stirring her stew instead of eating it. Her stomach lurched unhappily at the thought of food. She shoved away the bowl, unable to look Verita in the eyes.

"I... I did something horrible," she admitted quietly, the words sticking in her mouth.

Verita was patient. She waited, letting her silence press against Roche. She wasn't going to let this go. Roche's mind kept replaying the moment she'd thrown out the death curse towards Finn. She'd been fully ready to kill him, for Tigris' sake.

She nearly had killed him. She nearly forced him to die in a gruesome, horrific way. It was something so despicable, behaviour she hadn't even seen from the Council.

Oily shame sloshed within her as she slowly recounted to Verita what she'd done, how she'd tried to kill the prince and bargained his life for the death of the zombies. The story lingered in the air, and in every moment of the damning silence that came afterwards, Roche saw Finn's face, ripe with betrayal and disbelief that she'd do such a thing.

Verita leaned across the table, her eyes practically glowing with intensity. "You did what you had to do," the librarian soothed, "If you hadn't killed him, Tigris would have died. And don't forget, he tried to kill you as well."

Roche closed her eyes. "He's new to his power, he didn't know what he was doing. I've had my inkblood for ages, I should have known better. I should have done something else. Anything else! I could have used a sleep incantation-"

"Roche," Verita murmured, "You did what you had to. Tigris' life would have been forfeit if you'd been wrong."

Roche cradled her head in her hands, feeling a throbbing begin behind her eyes. "I'm scared, Verita," she admitted hoarsely, like a sinner begging for reprieve, "You didn't see him. When he realised what the incantation did... what I'd tried to do..." She sucked in a shuddery breath, replaying the exact widening of his eyes, the horror and betrayal and pure rage in his face.