I left my room having this eerie feeling as soon as i stepped foot into the main room i looked around only to see Pearl sitting in the kitchen, i went over and sat beside her letting my head rest on my palms.
" Morning Pearl, why are you up and about so early?" i ask with a tired yawn
" I've come to notice a few things about you Indy, nothing that offending or bad i assure you that...You seem to have much delight in catching your enemies off guard with your appearance, posing as a harmless and adorable Lazuli before attacking loudly and showing your true colors. Your constant smile during battle also implies that your either too overconfident about winning or enjoying the fight more than you should, considering that your gem is always on the line. Also, it seems your easily angered by losing and may have a bipolar issue considering you panic and make sure your opponent is alright after beating them to a pulp." she popped the 'p' at the end and i narrowed my gaze at her questioningly and after awhile of not getting anymore responses i roll my eyes and get up from my seat and head to the couch to sit instead.
why is she acting weird? why do i feel like somethings gonna happen soon and it wont be good, i hate feeling like this. i hate having these feelings they're just trouble.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair and grip my scalp with both hands just sitting there like that until i feel the couch shift and someone pat my back i look up and see pearl with Steven sitting on the ground, i force a small convincing smile and bite my tongue not to say anything. It was dead silence for awhile...
" What is PTSD? " Steven broke the silence....why does he want to know??
" Uh..." Pearl looked at me smiling uncomfortably
" Honey...PTSD, it stands for post-traumatic stress disorder.It's a particular set of reactions that can develop in people who have been through a traumatic event which threatened their life or safety, or that of others around them....This could be a car or other serious accident, physical or sexual assault, war or torture, or disasters such as bush fires or floods.And as a result, the person experiences feelings of intense fear, helplessness or horror..." I say with a smug grin at my knowledge
Steven gasped and nodded like he was taking mental notes and motioned me on...?
" Is there like signs and reactions and symptoms of it?" He asked
" Well, people with PTSD often experience feelings of panic or extreme fear, similar to the fear they felt during the traumatic event. A person with PTSD experiences four main types of difficulties like...Re-living the traumatic event, the person relives the event through unwanted and recurring memories, often in the form of vivid images and nightmares. There may be intense emotional or physical reactions, such as sweating, heart palpitations or panic when reminded of the event. Being overly alert or wound up, the person experiences sleeping difficulties, irritability and lack of concentration, becoming easily startled and constantly on the lookout for signs of danger. Avoiding reminders of the event, the person deliberately avoids activities, places, people, thoughts or feelings associated with the event because they bring back painful memories. Feeling emotionally numb, the person loses interest in day-to-day activities, feels cut off and detached from friends and family, or feels emotionally flat and numb....It's not unusual for people with PTSD to experience other mental health problems at the same time, these may have developed directly in response to the traumatic event or have followed the PTSD. These additional problems, most commonly depression, anxiety and alcohol or drug use, are more likely to occur if PTSD has persisted for a long time...." I finish up with a sigh and take a deep breath
" Yeah, no more talking now..." I roll my shoulders and lean back with my arms over my face.
I took a lil peak...
Pearl was looking at me with a surprised look and her mouth in some sort of tiny grin while Steven had run off somewhere today was really going to be slow and boring, i hear footsteps and try to listen in while slowing my breath's and heart rate down to appear as if i was asleep.
" pearl, what are you doing?" Garnet asked
"O-oh! Garnet! your back early, did something happen?" Pearl stuttered out
" No." my lovers answer was blunt
It was silent only to be broken by short hushed whispering that even i couldn't muffle out, i decided to get out of there in case it was something important yknow
I fake a yawn and stretched dramatically before getting up and rubbing my eyes beeling it to my room and got in before any words were spoken, it did not feel right to ears drop on something important plus Garnet was involved so yknow guidelines of dating.
My form glitched so i shape shifted back to my natural state.
I flopped down onto the cold slightly damp grass and starred at my non-real ceiling covered realistically with stars and shit, i sigh out silently and closed my eyes drifting in and out of the real world so to say so i let my mind go blank and thought free to roam wild...
What were they whispering about? Is it important?
Why did i feel weird this morning? why was Pearl acting creepy?
Where is Ame? why did Steven want to know those things?
Why is everything feel so wrong?...it 'feels' as if i am not where i am meant to be...My mind has been thinking about White and HomeWorld as of lately not to forget i keep reliving my comings and goings with Pink, I Don't Like It....
Should i tell them yet is what i am most wanting to know. Is it the right time.
I keep thinking and questioning it but never able to bring myself to do it, I'm scared I'll lose everything that I have now....I have to do it soon though.
