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48 Shadow

"Shadow," Kai began as I dragged him into the house, slamming the door closed behind him and shoving him to the nearest sofa. He held up his hands as if in surrender as I pushed him onto the cushion. Stepping back to glare at him. "I know you're angry-"
"Angry?" I hissed and shook my head as I took a step back. "I heard you howl out as if you were in pain," my voice cracked as I looked away from him. "It felt like it took forever to reach you after that, all I could think of was, what if it's too late?" I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at him as he looked at me with shock. "You think I'm angry? I'm furious. Bloodthirsty would be a better word. I want to go summon those fuckers from the dead just to kill them slower this time. I want to kill everyone before they even get a chance to think about hurting you. Kai, I'm not letting anyone hurt you. I'll kill anyone, men, women, innocent or not if it meant keeping you safe," I stepped forward to lean into his face. "So when I say stay put. You stay put."
Kai went from looking sad to shooting to his feet with his fist bawled at his sides, his expression stormy. He stepped close to me and I stayed rooted in spot so we were nose to nose.
"I'm not a pet Shadow. And you can't-"
"But I will."
"No Shadow. You run into danger and expect me to stay safely away? I can't do that. I-" he cut off and took in a deep breath. "Look you were right. As omega, I'm in more danger than the others, but I can't live my life in hiding. We started something here. And I have to see it through. We are giving the youth of our pack hope and we can't just snatch it away."
"You endanger others when you put yourself in danger" I said to make him feel guilty. I wasn't above manipulating him in order to keep him safe. "You could have gotten those girls killed. Either by them. Or by me."
Kai shook his head, opened his mouth and closed it as emotions flashed through his eyes, too fast for me to catch them.
"Fine. Here's the deal. If you want to continue staying here, you let me do the fighting and rescue missions. You lead, I fight." And I wasn't taking no for an answer. Kai would thank me one day or not but at least he would be safe. He could hate me forever as long as he was safe forever. Nothing else mattered to me.
Kai nodded. "Ok, but discussion not closed. For now, you're right; until I get this omega scent under control and until I learn to control my wolf more than he controls me, I'll stay out of the fighting and stay back. When Ash gets back we can talk about it again."
My shoulders sagged and I hadn't realized how much tension had been Inside of me. "C'mon," he entwined his hands with mine. "We need a shower."
"What happened. To the bodies?"
"Taken care of." I squinted at Kai's face. There was something he was holding back.
"Kai..." I titled his chin to look at me. "What is it?"
"The group mentioned that there may be others," he said chewing on his bottom lip.
I growled deep in my throat at that and tightened my hold on his chin.
"Your house. School. My house. That's it until I find the rest of them."
Kai's eyes widened, and I had expected him to argue but he just sighed and mumbled whatever and pulled me alongside him upstairs.
After our shower, the anger and fear slipped away. When Kai crawled into bed, I grabbed him close to me, pulling him flush against me, playing big spoon, breathing his scent in deep from his neck.
"Kai, I love you. I can't lose you," I admitted, squeezing him tight as if I could mold him to me.
Kai covered my hand with his. "I love you too Shadow. And I'm not going anywhere. Ever."
I wanted to believe him so bad. I really did. In a perfect world that would be true. But I knew first hand how cruel and unforgiving this world was, and I knew he didn't understand. Not really. Maybe he saw some inkling of it today. But he didn't know that when bad shit happened, it felt like it was never ending and when it was finally over, it forever scarred the mind. No one should have to lay awake at night hearing their own screams echoing inside their head, hearing themselves beg and plead a cruel person for mercy. I couldn't protect my sister all those years ago. But I could protect Kai from those horrors. And I would. Regardless if it made him hate me. I wondered as we both laid silently awake, each lost in our own thoughts, if Kai couldn't see anything more than me being a killer now. Was he disgusted by what I had done? Was he having doubts about being with me? Realizing I'm not a good person?
I couldn't be good, not when I knew what I was capable of to protect those I loved.
I had to kill them. If I hadn't, I knew how much werewolves got obsessed. We were rabid animals in human form after all. They would have healed and kept coming back for him. To find the omega needle in a werewolf haystack. The werewolves who killed my parents had hunted and held a vendetta against them for more than eighteen years. Eighteen whole years, obsessively tracking and hunting them until they caught them when they decided to settle for a beat too long. And none of us were even omega. They went through all that effort without any of us even being omega which was like finding a bottle of moonshine in a dry state for an alcoholic.
All it took was our parents feeling safe, feeling as if enough time had passed and growing tired from moving so much. Sunshine had made a lot of friends, had a boyfriend and loved her high school, wanted to stay to finish school, cried to our parents about moving around every single year. They agreed to stay just one more year until she turned eighteen. And that had been their last mistake on this earth.
So even if Kai thought I had a choice in killing them, I didn't. Killing them was the only answer. And will continue to be the only answer in order to protect Kai's secret. Sometimes I even had to stop myself from hunting down Claire and killing her. Because she knew too much. I trusted Kai with my life. And loved him to the point that i would gladly die for him. Suffer for him.
But everyone else? Fuck trusting them. Even if people were trustworthy it didn't mean they were to be trusted. Anyone could break under pressure, anyone could slip up to the wrong person. Anyone could decide to trust someone they shouldn't. It made everyone who knew Kai's secret a liability. And with this incident, I wasn't sure if I should let Claire live.
I would have to make her disappear in a way Kai wouldn't know it was me. I didn't want him to look at me as if I were the monster. As if he were afraid of me. The thought of the alpha finding out and using Kai like a new chew toy like he had Marcie, and many omegas before her, boiled my blood. I would burn this whole town to the ground if I had to.
Kai sighed and turned over, facing me. He touched my cheek with his warm fingertips. "I can feel how hard you're thinking Shadow," he stroked my cheek and all thoughts flew from my mind. I watched him as he leaned up and captured my lips with his. The kiss was over way too fast as he pulled back and nuzzled my neck. "Worry tomorrow. Sleep now," he said with a yawn and it was like magic words as I kissed his forehead, squeezed him tight to me, and drifted off.