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53

Kai

It's been weeks since the incident. I haven't left the house since. Even though Ash showed up too late looking ashen faced as if Shadow had filled him in, handing over this stupid bottle of liquid that was odorless and made me smell the same.
Instead of going to school or anywhere, I've been smoking weed and playing video games. With Shadow hovering nearby. His eyes were always watching me. At this point, they were burning holes into my head.
I sighed as I put down the controller. "Im ok Shadow. It's over and I'm ok now you know, you don't have to sit and stare at me, no one is breaking into our window to claim my ass," i snorted as his eyes narrowed at me.
"You aren't ok, Kai," he said through clenched teeth. "You're just numb right now; that why you can say that."
I rolled my eyes. "It sucked ok? It was bad. But you ..." I trailed off. "Stopped it. And it's over: you killed them. I feel good knowing at least they are dead."
Shadow was silent just watching me. It made me want to throw the controller at his head.
"I'm fine," I insisted, "in fact I'm thinking I should go back to school tomorrow: and go to my parents house, I'm shocked they haven't reported me to the alp-" Shadow growled a warning and he stood up.
"Don't even think about any of them. And no, you're not going back to school. As of yesterday, you dropped out." He walked over to his dresser. "I had Ash pull you out. But don't worry you can finish from school using this program."
"You what?!" I shot to my feet. "Shadow you can't just make decisions about my life without me."
"Watch me," he handed me the paper with the log in information. "You can use my laptop."
I looked around confused. "Where's mine?"
"Smashed," was all he said as he strode to the bedside and picked up his grey MacBook.
I gaped at him. For weeks I've been on zombie autopilot as Shadow texted away and made lots of phone calls and apparently has been a busy bee. This whole time I thought I was home because i wanted to be but it was dawning on me Shadow didn't plan on letting me out of the house anytime soon. Or even allowed to contact those outside the house, i realized as I scanned the room for my phone, not seeing it. I bet it was smashed too; not having seen it for a couple days, not even thinking about it until now.
Suddenly I felt trapped as I looked at Shadow, my jailor.
"Shadow," I started patiently, "what happened was tragic, but if you think I'm dumb enough to let it happen again-"
Shadow was in front of me before I could blink. "Smart. Dumb. Careful. Reckless. It doesn't matter."
"I know it was horrible; but I'm ok now and I know better-"
"It hasn't even really hit you yet," Shadow growled. "That's the thing about trauma, you feel as if you're over it. And it hits you like a train maybe a year later maybe years later, but it fucking hurts, fresh as hell when it does happen. Get used to this reality Kai. You're not leaving my sight: ever. And anyone who looks at this face," Shadow grips my chin, "it will be the last face they see on this earth before my claws take their life away."
My eyes widened as I looked into his eyes. There was a darkness swirling inside and it made me sad. I was forcing Shadow to be a killer.
"How many Shadow?"
He looked confused. I could hear Blue's words echoing in my mind. How I was Shadows burden how he was killing because of me.
"How many people will you have to kill to keep me safe? To keep my secret?"
"As many as I have to," Shadow replied fiercely. "I'll slaughter the whole damn world to keep you safe Kai, this will never, ever happen again."
"Never say never," I mumble miserably.
"Never," he hissed. "I'll never take my eyes off of you again Kai. Not even for a moment. Get used to us being close, very close. If you even try to take a shit with the door closed; I'll remove each door in this house from their hinges." My heart pounded at his words.
"You can't be serious." But i found he was being very serious, as another two weeks rolled by with me on house arrest, forced to do schoolwork online like a good puppy.
And Shadow bringing a whole new meaning to "shadow"
Some part of me couldn't blame Shadow and felt comfort by his presence. I knew one day he would relax again; he just needed time. Because even though I was the victim here, Shadow was also traumatized from that day. Thinking back, I've never heard Shadow cry like that, he was always the rock between us two. And it made my heart hurt to know how much he was hurting. He was worried about me. I understood that.
But these walls were starting to close in, and i knew I would never sneak off again, but i also knew I had to figure out how to get Shadow to bring us out of the house, at least to meet with the others who were probably upset by my absence. I just hoped Shadow was using his phone privileges to keep up with everyone. Knowing him though, he probably blamed the app for pulling him away that day and deleted it off his phone, others be damned.