Stay with Me (A Niall Horan Fan Fiction)

Chapter 19

“Never do this to me EVER AGAIN” Niall sent me a text message.

I closed my eyes briefly and typed in,” I'm sorry. I won’t” and sent it.

“You freaked the hell out of me.”

“I'm sorry”

“Stop saying that.”

“Then what should I say? I have nothing else in my mouth.”

“Then just drop it.”

“Fine, but I gotta go now. I have to write two articles and edit one.”

“What’s the deadline?”

“9.00 Pm”

“Okay, good luck.”

“Thank you”

“I’ll call you later.”

“Hmm, bye”

“Bye” He said as we both hung up. I tossed my phone on the couch.

I finally talked to Niall after leaving him abruptly yesterday. It was quite difficult for me because my mind, head, heart and every cell of my body was still twisted in the unsolved thoughts revolving around that one question- “DO I LOVE HIM?” He called me billions of time yesterday after I came home but I didn't answer. He left me trillions of text messages but I didn't reply. When at night he said me that he is coming to my house I freaked out and send him a text message saying,” I'm fine. I just need to be alone right now. There is nothing to worry. You don’t need to come, please.” Thankfully, he listened to my request and ended up not coming over to my house. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't even have dinner last night or breakfast in the morning. People would say I was overreacting but my heart knew I wasn't. I was extremely scared. Rita’s suggestion of giving this a shot and prediction of me not regretting it later, left me hopeful and actually yearning for it. I knew that I want Niall, I knew that he made me so freaking happy, I knew that he made my most boring life the most interesting one and I knew that he cared a lot about me but there was this tiny fear that prevailed in my heart. It was the fear that resisted me from agreeing to spend the night with him initially two days before Valentine’s Day. It was the fear of being just another girl to him. Another girl he liked and kissed and will forget when he loses interest. I wanted to be the special one, one of a kind. The one who will only steal his heart. I wanted it to be forever.

But I knew that wasn't possible with Niall. I kind of didn't want it too. I was very complacent and content with what I had with him and I couldn't have afforded to do anything stupid that would have destroyed our ‘whatever we had’. Hence, after a whole night of no sleep whatsoever and serious brooding, I settled with the thought that I would not let these weird and unusual thoughts take over my mind and my relationship with Niall eventually. I cannot let him stay in such dark because of my fears and desires. If anything is meant to happen, it will happen till then I am happy being Niall’s favorite girl. I decided I would not try to confront whether I love him or not and if I do then whether he loves me too or not. I would rather escape this confrontation for good.

Today is our college’s foundation day so college was closed. I woke up in the morning and sat to study right away after taking a nice and extra long shower. My body was very exhausted from the anxious musings and also the unrecognised back pain that I have been having for two days. In the noon, I had no energy left to cook lunch for myself however, I had to. I had no one else to help me out. Mrs. Gandhi stayed in the hospital at this time and everybody else in the flat loathed me. Hence bearing all the angers and irritations inside my mind, I cooked a little rice and a plain vegetable curry with dal (a sort of soup) and gulped it down within a few minutes. After lunch, I checked my mail and received my work assignments for today. It was then that I decided to text Niall finally and talk to him.