HIS SECRETARY

50

K E N D R A

The taxi stopped and I looked at the driver. "Can you please wait for me? Keep the meter going."

The driver seemed persuaded with what I said and I ran to the hospital. I didn't waste any more time and fasten my pace. I went straight to Cyan's office. I can't be waiting. Taxi fares are expensive and I'm sure I'll be paying a big amount if I stayed long. 

"Kendra?" I heard Cyan's voice while I was contemplating on whether to knock or not.

I looked at him and smiled. His gaze landed on my hideous backpack and his forehead creased. I didn't utter any word and just remained smiling. 

"Let's enter my office first." he said and we went inside together. He told me to put my bag off and I put it on top of the couch just beside me.

"I came here to talk with you." I said and he looked at me after taking his doctor's robe off.

"What's with the bag? Are you going camping or something?" he asked and sat across me.

I stared at his face and couldn't help but feel sad. I feel sad about the fact that I'll be leaving now. I don't know how he'll react and I don't want to know. It hurts me just by seeing his innocent face. But this is the inevitable. I can't prolong it or it'll just hurt more.

"First, let me give you this." I said and handed him the wristwatch I bought just now. He looked at it, probably deciphering why I gave him a sudden present.

He pulled the box out of the paperbag and slowly opened it. He looked at me bewildered and quickly put the wristwatch on top of the table again. "I can't accept this."

"But you have to. I already paid for it and the shop says no to refunds." I said and slid the box near him. He looked at me before finally touching the watch.

I happily showed him mine and smiled. "I got identical ones. Pretty, right?"

He just gave me a smile before putting on the watch. It suited him and makes him more attractive than ever. I felt happy because of that. At least there's something good that I left to Cyan. That's more than enough for me.

"What's this for? And you haven't answered my question." he pointed out after successfully putting on the wristwatch.

"Right. About your question..." I couldn't help but trail off my sentence. I fumbled with my fingers and nervously looked at Cyan.

I know that this news will break his heart. He likes me that much and he told me that I was his source of energy. Without me, he couldn't function. It also brings an unspeakable pain to my heart. However, I can't stay for any longer. My Mom needs me and I badly want to see her.

"I'm not going camping, Cyan. And about the gift, it's a remembrance." I said, trying to carefully blow the news to Cyan.

"Remembrance?" he asked and stared at a spot before it suddenly dawned into him.

He looked at me, shocked with his realization. By now, he must have already thought of why I am here offering him a remembrance.

"You're not..." because of shock, he couldn't finish his sentence and he looked at me with those eyes that were now painted with pain. Gosh.

"I'm finally going back home, Cyan." I gathered enough courage to tell him and I couldn't help but get teary eyed. He's hurting, I can see.

It also adds pain to me whenever I think about those times we spent together. Those moments when I wasn't able to reciprocate what he feels because I was busy chasing after a guy who's not ready to welcome me.

I honestly tried to love him. But there is a certain line I just can't cross no matter how hard I try. It's the line between friendship and love. Cyan's the greatest guy anyone can meet. However, it just doesn't feel right for me.

Where can you see a job oriented, family oriented, and well mannered guy? He has everything that every women find as an ideal characteristic for a perfect boyfriend. But I failed to see him that way. I failed to consider him as more than a friend. And I don't think I can ever see him in that way.

"So that's why I got scared when you gave me this." he mumbled to himself which I heard clearly. 

My heart clenches every second that passes by. It hurts seeing Cyan this way.

"If you came here because you're scared that I might go after you. Please don't be. I won't hold on to you, Kendra." he continued and smiled at me.

"I didn't come here because of that. I came here to say goodbye personally." I informed of the reason why I am here.

After a few minutes, I didn't get a response. Cyan was quiet and the eerie atmosphere was spreading inside the room. I was getting a bit jitter right now.

"I'm giving you the permission to get mad at me, Cyan. Tell me all your rants, I won't mind." I said and looked at him.

"I'm honestly hurt right now, but what can I do? You're not my possession to order you on what you should do. It's your life and you're the one responsible to move it."

He stared at me for awhile before giving me a small smile. He played with the wristwatch in his hand before continuing his sentence. I have no plan in stopping him. Whatever he is going to say right now, I will be listening. Because this is that last chance that he will face me as Violet Carter. The next time we meet, I will be Kendra Rivera again.

"I don't know how I can start letting you go, Kendra..." he cut off his sentence and pushed his hair back. He was struggling to keep his emotions in check.

He stared at a spot and kept on brushing his hair up. I can feel his frustrations with the situation. Do you know how it feels when you are aware of the issue but you can't even do anything to address it? I suppose that is how he is feeling right now.

"Because you're the only one who keeps me going. So what am I going to do without you?" he continued and I smiled sadly at him.

"You managed when I still wasn't in your life. I think it'll be just fine. Just imagine going back to the past. A reset." I suggested and he sighed.

"A reset doesn't sound convincing. I can't just stop loving you with a flick of my fingers."

It was the time for me to feel guilty. I feel so stupid for shutting him off but I can't tell him I like him when it's not even true. I was stuck between choosing him or choosing Zachary. It was a hell lot of confusion for me. But it was just wasn't enough for me to love him back. The problem is within me and no matter what he does, I won't be able to love him the way he wants me to. I just want to keep him forever as a friend. That is how I feel for him. 

"I'm really really sorry, Cyan. All I can do is to pray for you to move on from me fast. I don't know what I should do and it's making me feel so dumb. It's confusing and I just want to go." I confessed because I'm just hell bent in going back now.

"Come here. Care to give me one last hug, Violet Carter?" he said with his arms spread wide and I received his hug. Cyan caressed my hair and told me his last goodbye.

"I will always be willing to give you a hug." I told him as I hug him more tightly.

"Have a safe trip going back home, Kendra. I'll miss you."