Untouched [minsung]

Chapter 6

The fact that I had to go to school today as if I hadn't just had a life-altering revelation, should go down in history as one of the great injustices of our time.

I, Han Jisung, have found someone. I know that rationally, I may be skipping a few steps. I mean, after all, we only just met. But there are worse things than being sure of oneself. I knew what I wanted, and now I just had to find a way to get it.

I felt a little anxious about school today given that a photo of me in a skirt was circulating around campus, but my revelation was a nice distraction. So was the very loud rock music blasting through my headphones.

I pretended like it was a montage in a film. I walked through the hall and everyone stopped and stared, but I just focused on what was ahead of me and getting to class. The music in my headphones was so loud that I didn't even hear Changbin shouting my name.

He wrestled me into a locker and threw off my headphones. "Hi best friend!" he greeted with a huge smile.

"Changbin, why'd you do that," I said, picking up my headphones and rubbing my now sore arm.

"Just so happy to tell you that I asked out Felix. And he said yes!"

I turned to him surprised. "You what!" I shouted in excitement.

"We're dating now!" His smile was so wide I thought it might tear his cheeks.

I pulled him in for a hug and he squeezed tightly. "What changed?" I asked.

"Well, honestly, it was how jealous I got hearing about him and that other guy. I realized I didn't want him with anyone else."

"Of course you didn't. I'm so happy for you," I smiled. We continued our walk to class and Changbin gushed over how great of a person Felix is.

I half listened and used the other half of my hearing to zero in on what people were saying about me. It seemed like everyone had seen the photo.

"Is he gay?"

"Is he dating Changbin?"

"Even if he's gay there's no need to wear a skirt."

"He looked so cute!"

"Did you see the guy in the picture looking at him? Maybe they're dating."

My mind wandered upon hearing that. People already thought Lee Know and I were dating just based on an image they saw. I wondered what the others thought based on how we interacted.

"So you'll come to the club again Friday, right?" Changbin pleaded. I'd rejoined the conversation and missed everything about what was happening Friday.

"Yeah, I'll be there!"

"Thank you! I know two weeks at the club is a lot for you, but you'll really like his friends!" Changbin side-hugged me as we continued our way to class.

Once at my desk, I pulled out my phone to look at the picture again. Even more people had noticed Lee Know's expression and a few people had commented on it.

"I wish my bf looked at me like that."

"I wouldn't let my boyfriend dress like that."

"They'd be hot together"

"Are they dating?"

The last comment had a reply and I opened to read it:

@weknow.leeknow: "Definitely not"

My heart sank, and I wanted to cry. I felt rejected, and I didn't even have a reason to. We weren't dating.

The "definitely" just felt so harsh.

Still, I pressed on the profile and scrolled through photos of cat after cat until I found a selfie of Lee Know confirming it was his account.

Also in the photo was a very smiley Seungmin hugging his waist.

I locked my phone and threw it in my backpack. I was so frustrated with life and myself. How could I let myself become so infatuated so quickly again? I hated myself. I blew up every interaction into some monumental life event when I didn't even know if Lee Know felt the same way.

Clearly, he doesn't.

I put my headphones on and stared ahead as the teacher explained some theories I already knew. Others began packing up, and I rushed out of the classroom and straight into someone's chest.

My books that had been in my unzipped backpack flew across the floor and I bent down to pick them up.

Immediately, a hand covered mine, "Let me help."

Jesus Christ.

"I'm fine, thanks." I bit at Lee Know who was for some reason on my campus right now.

Lee Know raised an eyebrow at my response but reached around to grab the closest books to him anyway. "Here," he said holding them out for me.

"I don't need your help," I spat, snatching the books from his hand.

"Fine." Lee Know grumbled as he stood up and walked down the hall.

I stopped rushing to grab books and let myself settle. Even while angry with him he still took my breath away. I needed to gain some self-control and find a normal way to react to someone I was mad at for no real reason other than that they didn't adhere to the fantasy I had already developed in my head.

But instead, I allowed the anger to simmer and zipped my backpack before storming down the hall and out of the school to head back to my dorm.

I also put my headphones back on and blared the most angst-filled music I could find. Delusion was never to my benefit and yet I continued to let it control me.

I pulled out my phone and reopened Lee Know's profile. I scrolled down to the photo with Seungmin and discovered Seungmin was tagged, so I clicked on his profile.

Seungmin had exactly 2 photos on his Instagram. One was of a sign that said "Birds aren't real" and the other was a picture of a signed baseball. Both photos were over 3 years old.

Very insightful. Thank you, Seungmin. I thought sarcastically.

I shut my phone off again. I tried to think clearly and rationally about what a healthy mind would do in this situation.

I liked a boy. He didn't like me back. Move on.

Move on.

Move on.

The words sounded fake. Let's try again.

Move on.

Still wrong. I opened my ears and listened to people around me.

"Want to grab dinner tonight?"

"They released a new song! It's really good!"

"No dude, you're supposed to shoot the guy to win the game."

Shoot the guy?

Shoot the guy.