Untouched [minsung]

Chapter 79

Chan POV

Seungmin looked so peaceful as he rested. The fact that he'd defended Han and gotten shot, and I hadn't been there to step in was terrifying. The world we lived in was terrifying. At any moment, Jeongin could come running into this house and shoot us all and there would be nothing I could do to prevent it except shoot back.

Nearly dying and losing Seungmin had made me realize just how juvenile I'd been acting about my feelings for him. Rejecting my feelings out of fear wasn't worth it. If I had died today, I'd have rather died being myself and being with Seungmin than as a coward who was afraid of his feelings.

I held Seungmin's hand and willed him to sleep a little while longer. He needed the rest.

"So..." I began as I sat beside him. "I've decided that I'm not afraid anymore. I have feelings for you. And when you wake up, I'll tell you again and again how wonderful you are. I'll remind you that you're a good person and that I've forgiven you. I'll even offer to let you stay in my room if you want to. I'll do whatever it takes to make you mine, Seungmin."

"Oh dear," I heard behind me and turned to see Mrs. Seo. "I thought something was going on with you two."

"Mrs. Seo," I stood and bowed as I was always supposed to when she entered.

"You can sit. You look horrible," she told me, and I replied with a soft laugh.

That was an understatement. I had bruises and burns all over my body. I had to have stitches where my leg had been impaled.

"So you've forgiven him? You really think he's changed?"

I shook my head. "I don't think he has changed. I think he's always been good...he just hasn't ever had people believe in him and love him."

My words surprised me but they were out there now...

"You love him?" she asked as she glanced between us to see my hand holding his.

"I think I do," I whispered.

She just gave me a soft smile. "I hope you're right about him. I trust your judgment more than my husband's.

She left the room, and I turned back to face Seungmin. I'd just accidentally told someone I loved him.

Was that true?

I hadn't been in love before. I loved my friends. I loved my family when I had them. I loved sushi...but did I love Seungmin?

And how was that love different?

Before I could spiral any further Seungmin yawned and squeezed my hand as he opened his eyes with a smile.

"Hey, Seungmin," I smiled, happy that he was awake.

"Hey Chan," he grinned. "Hey Puppy," he said to his dog that was on his chest.

I lifted it and placed it on his head, and he gave his best 'you're so annoying' look as he tilted his head and the dog fell next to him on the bed.

"Where is everybody?"

"Han went to play video games in Changbin's room, Changbin is in his room sleeping. Lee Know went to get food, and Hyunjin is MIA."

"No sign of Jeongin?"

I shook my head. "No, but do you want to tell me how you got shot?"

"Jeongin was aiming at Han."

"You could've died. If he'd been a few inches over..." my voice trailed off, and I dropped my head. I hadn't really let the thought cross my mind but now that it was here, it was all I could imagine. Seungmin could've died, and he would've died not knowing how I felt.

"Seungmin, I have to tell you something."

"I need to tell you something, too," he whispered.

"Okay, you first."

"I was really worried about you the entire time we were out there. I kept wondering if you were okay...I even considered turning back and risking being killed just to find you."

I sat down as I listened to him.

"Whatever this is, we can't do it anymore," he sniffed as he held back tears.

"Seungmin, wait..."

"I can't let myself get attached to you. If something were to happen it would kill me."

"Nothing's going to happen..." I argued. I'd been ready to confess my feelings and now I was fighting to keep him. It had all changed so fast.

"You can't promise that. We don't live in a world where we are promised tomorrow."

"Nobody does," I replied.

"That may be true, but the average person doesn't have literal criminals trying to kill them 24/7."

My heart was breaking. Was this really happening right now?

"Seungmin, I don't want to let you go."

"We can still be friends. But..." he paused and played with the ears of his dog as he spoke. "If I lost you it would kill me...and getting shot made me realize that I'm not ready to die."

I dropped his hand and walked out of the room and down the hall to compose myself. I hit the wall with my fist and my scabbed hands started to bleed again.

"Chan! Chan!" Mrs. Seo shouted as she worked to console me. She put an arm around me and I sobbed into her shoulder.

"Is Seungmin okay? What happened?"

I couldn't answer her, so I just cried.

"Lee Know has a lead on Hyunjin," she informed me as she rubbed my back.

I pulled away with red eyes and tears running down my face. "Where?" I asked.

"Felix's."

I stood up and walked towards the garage. I knew she had a car ready for me since mine had burned in the garage.

"Chan!" she shouted, but I kept walking. If I couldn't be with Seungmin, maybe I could eliminate Jeongin as a threat. If we had nobody to run from, he'd never have to worry about me dying, and we could be together. I'd take out every Hwang (except Hyunjin) to make him mine if I had to.

And I knew now that my feelings for Seungmin were real. I did love him. Because if this wasn't a love unrequited, then it wouldn't be breaking me from the inside out.