Sumanika ~ The Prince's Widowed Bride

13 ~ Suman Tells Nandani

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Suman POV

I sat down on the floor and pulled the knees closer to my chest. Leaning my face into my knees I let the emotions and memories run through my brain freely.

The moment when I married my husband at the age of sixteen. I was a young girl, unaware of what to expect from him. But, in the back of my mind I had this image of him being cheerful, loving and supportive who would take interest in keeping my interest in gaining knowledge. But, day after day as my clothes started to be ripped off my body, my dreams started to leave my soul.

After three days, I understood that if I would lie on my back, with my skirt high upto my waist and legs apart, the pain would be less. The pain that Nandani always desribed as pleasure which I could bever corelate with. He would come, lie over me with his face in the crook of my neck and start doing what all husbands are meant to do.

He used to tell me that. Being a wife, you should keep your husband happy.

And, it continued.

Days after days, my body got accustomed to it and my expectations died. Never had I been told that I was beautiful, that I was smart, that I was something. 

And, today when I saw Princess in my hand, a thought came to my mind that if a girl has to come to a life, she must chose her parents wisely.

Sometimes he used to yell at me. He would ask me to make noises for him and atleast smile or react and tell him that he was doing good.

But, little did he know that if your soul is wounded you cannot pretend. 

And, I could not either. The tears would flow through my eyes, down my cheeks and after three days and ninety two days without any break he finally fed up of me. Leaving my stomach in ache, when I could not take it anymore, when my face lost that pink tint, my berry looking lips lost its redness, when my eyes looked hopeless, when I looked lifeless, he finally left me.

No! Not for my good but for his own. Because he deserved better. He deserved someone who could smile for him, who could make noise for him and who could keep him happy.

Because, clearly I could not do it.

In the last seven years I had forgotten or say moved on every bit of it until today when I realised that I once again had a husband. Not husband, really! But... a husband. A half husband, though.

But, I could not deny the fact that somehow he had his rights on me. 

And, the pace our intensity in our interactions had changed from before that incident to post that incident I was feeling afraid that my heart was understanding everything wrong.

I did not know how to tell my heart that he was a Prince and I was just a maid. Our backgrounds were different, our castes were different, our clans were different and we were different. He was my saviour and my heart...my foolish heart was falling for his teasing words.

I did not realise it until Ranaji gifted me that necklace. Well, it was not the first time he had gifted me something expensives. He trusts me and he always seem happy with my works. He had gifted me things on Diwali, Holi, his crowning ceremony, Prince Ranvijay Wedding and on several other occassions. And, all the time, I loved taking apprecition gifts but this time it hit me. It hit me harder.

It reminded me the distance we had between us. It reminded me the distance between Kunwar Agastya and I had between us. And, I had to kill the emotions, if born any, in my heart before I end up getting hurt by them.

I exhaled deeply and got under my comforters. 

I was taking his good deeds and flirtings in other direction. He was just playing with our situation. He had always been this. Never serious and light, joyful and cheerful.