Special Service || KTH ||

Thirty Three : Sorrow

- you can never know until you walk in my shoe.

I closed my eyes and pressed the diary to my chest, my hands shaking and my lips quivering because of the intense anger and regret I was feeling.

Hot tears kept falling from my eyes while I kept thinking about Rośe, how much she must have gone through, how hard it must have been for her to even breath in peace. She must have been so scared and vulnerable, so helpless and unsafe.

I shiver at the thought of being harrassed while she? She endured so much. Again and again. She faced everything all alone, she must have been so traumatized, she must have seen a thousand nightmares and woke up in sweat, finding someone, any one to save her, to comfort her but she had no one. How she must have forced herself to sleep again, just to wake up with the same fear, the same suffocation.

She was not weak. She fought, she fought till her last breath, she lived enduring her heart ripping piece by piece. She felt her soul getting crushed bit by bit and never even let anyone know of her pain. How hard it must have been for her to pull up a smile? To hold back her tears? To hide her misery, to act fine.

My sobs soon turned into desperate cries, I was lost. The pain in my chest was clenching my heart and not let me breath properly. My mind was fogged up with her thoughts, her pain and her sufferings. All I could think or feel was pure regret and deep sorrow.

My voice was echoing in the silent room and I was all alone shedding tears for an angel who wasn't given the happiness she deserved. Who wasn't given the attention and love she deserved. My thoughts halted for a mere second when I heard Mr Kim 's voice, I opened my eyes and looked up to see him approaching me with concerned eyes.

I bit on my lip and my tears fell with the weight of this pain I was tired of feeling. I saw him crouch down infront of me, his eyes glistening with worry, "Y/n what ha-" He stopped midway in his sentence when his eyes fell on the diary in my hands. I saw him stiffen and his jaw clenched, he kept sitting there just staring at me while I kept breathing heavily and crying.

"Why did you read it?" He asked in a serious tone while I shook my head in disbelief.

"Why!? Why didn't you loved her when she was...she was there..." I asked in my cracked voice, I saw something twitch in his face muscles and his face go pale in a mere second.

"She deserved so much b-better. She...endured...all alone. She was so hurt...so...br-broken.." my jaw quivered and I slammed my hands on my mouth, crying hysterically. He was silent all this time, I didn't knew what got into me that I was suddenly so angry at him. I started to hit him while crying. I wanted to yell but my words were stuck in my throat, he silently endured all my hits and lowered his head infront of me.

I stopped when I had no more energy to hit him and felt instant regret yet again. Realisation dawned upon me. We sat there in silence while I calmed down and he was still as a stone.

He had not spoke a single word till now and I tilted my head to look at him, his face blank totally. "Mr Kim?" I asked, worrying if he is fine or not but he gave me a sharp gaze before getting up and pulling me up by my arm. I confusedly stared at him while his face was void of any emotion.

Is he mad? That I read that diary?

I was about to say something but stopped when he spoke, "Come with me." And started dragging me somewhere. My eyes widened. Will he kill me for reading that diary? No no no no.

"Mr Kim where are you taking me? I-i am sorry I will never read that diary again! I swear! I will not even think about it. Are you mad at me? I am sorry. Please don't kill me-" I stopped blabbering when he suddenly paused to stare at me, his eyes glaring at me and then softening in a concerning look. "Don't be afraid. I am not a monster." He spoke before again dragging me.

"But-but where are you taking me?" I asked, I have never seen this place before. It's all dark here. "You will see." He spoke and then some stairs appeared. We climbed down and I was silent now. I waited for him to tell me what has happened. While anxiety was bursting in my veins as to what if he is really mad at me?

He kept dragging me all the way and now we were out of the mansion. He took me to his car and we drove off. I asked him several times but he only kept quiet. Something was up. His face was as hard a stone and he refused to even look at me. We soon reached an abandoned building and he pulled me out of the car.

My breath started to get shorter as some not so appropriate thoughts passed through my mind. What if he leaves me here as a punishment? Or kill me here? I paused in my tracks and got on my knees to beg for my life. "Please don't kill me! I swear I will never read anything!! I am sorry! Please...I don't want to die..." I cried my heart out while he just casually picked me up on his shoulder and walked inside. I was so scared that I started hitting him on his back.

Soon he entered a room and let go of me. I stopped crying once I noticed the room was fully nice and clean. I watched like a five year old, jaw dropped seeing huge machines and about four nurses in the room.

And then my eyes fell on to a girl laying motionless on the bed, tubes attached to her body and all the nurses staring at me with curiosity.

"Out all of you." Mr Kim commanded and everyone left us alone while I kept staring at the girl infront of me. "She is Kim Rośe." He informed and my eyes instantly started watering up.

"She is in a coma. Since two years." He spoke again and I pursed my lips to prevent myself from sobbing.

I slowly walked ahead to get a better view of her. She was indeed beautiful and looked like the female version of Master Jin. I glanced at Mr Kim and saw him standing there and gazing at his sister with that same blank face.

"She jumped from her balcony and..." He stopped talking and I saw his hands form fist and his jaw clenching, as if he was trying hard not to cry again. My heart ached to see his condition. He has been suffering so much.

"I-i am sorry for what I said earlier. I lost my mind-" I paused when he shook his head while looking down. "You were right Y/n." He spoke in a low whisper. More tears flowed down my cheeks while I kept staring at him.

"You are right. I ignored her when she needed me. I was to protect her. But I pushed her away. I failed her Y/n. The truth is that I...am horrible. I turned a blind eye to her. I... thought she was...fine and expected her to be perfect...I taunted her. I called her useless and lazy and stupid and what not...I never understood how much she meant to me...how much I needed her. How  everyone needed her. There was a time when her voice used to echo in the walls of our home. When she used to be the only source of happiness in that very mansion. I used to get irritated, and scolded her for always playing those loud kpop songs and singing in her horrible voice but now....when she is gone...this silence...it kills me. I long to hear her voice again Y/n, I crave her presence. I miss her...I failed her...I couldn't even protect her. She is in so much pain but I can't do anything. She is in between life and death and all I can do is fucking stand here and watch." He kept speaking while I kept sobbing.

How could he say all of this without shedding a single tear while I can't even breath properly. I sobbed louder and he stopped talking, soon I was pulled in his embrace and I wept in his arms, my emotions were all over place and my heart ached for the girl infront of me.

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Hii,
Thankyou for reading even after the slowest update,

Thankyou so much everyone.

I promise to work harder.