Irondad Oneshots

Suicidal - Spiderson

Trigger Warning (I don't want to hurt any of you with this chapter so please don't read this if it could trigger you in anyway. Also if you need anyone to talk to, my dm's are always open :) stay safe bbs)

Peter's POV

Red.

All I can see is red.

And yet I'm okay.

All the wounds resealed as they're being made.

Just enough time for a single drop of blood to fall before I'm fixed.

But the floor is covered.

Covered in red.

It's not enough.

It's never enough.

I'm so pathetic.

So stupid.

So selfish.

But I've got no one left.

May's gone.

Tony doesn't care. He never did.

I'm drowning.

Drowning so slow. So painfully.

I'm all alone.

And I don't want to be alone anymore.

But nobody would want me.

Nobody cares.

Nobody would ever care.

I'm alone.

And the red isn't enough.

The red doesn't make me feel.

Doesn't bring me back to my body, to my mind, like it normally does.

I'm still left floating, watching myself tear my arms to shreds, wishing it was enough to bring me back to myself, but it's not.

I don't even realize I'm crying until a sob escapes my lips. I don't want to continue like this.

I don't want to continue having to rely on something I know is bad.

I don't want to keep having to do this just to feel alive for a couple hours.

Because lately. Lately I've been dead already. Lately I wake up at noon, still tired, trudge through a couple hours, wake myself up with pain, cry myself to exhaustion, wake myself up with pain, cry myself to exhaustion, wake myself up with pain...

And it's all too much.

And I can't wake up.

I can't wake up from this hell. This in between. Not dead, nowhere near dead with this stupidly beating heart. But not alive. Nowhere near alive with these bleeding wrists and breathless lungs.

So I press harder. Willing myself to bring me back to life.

But I can't. And so I cry.

Not because I don't want to die, but because it's in this moment that I realize nobody would care. Nobody would notice.

I'm all by myself.

Like always.

Aunt May's gone. Tony never cared. The avengers just think of me as some dumb kid who gets himself messed up in situations he can't help. Which is true.