It's Bittersweet (OHSHC Fanfic)

I love you, believe that.

A/N: Literally cried as I wrote this chapter, we are coming to the end of the story and I am honestly so excited and scared for the end. Without further ado, here's the beginning of the end guys. As always, feedback is appreciated. 

P.S. I want to hear from you guys, what do you think will happen from here on? Is there anything you want to see happen before the end or anything you're excited for? Let me know in the comments!

Ami's POV

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Betrayed, rejected, shocked, humiliated, angry. All words that could describe the way I was feeling as my eyes roamed the room, pausing to read the sea of expressions in front of me but there was really only one emotion that seemed to stand out from all the others.

HURT.

I was hurt, I felt like I wanted to be swallowed up by the earth at this very moment just so I could let the tears I was forcing myself to keep in go. So I could curl into a ball and cry until I lost all the water in my body. This was a kind of pain I had never experienced before. It was new and terrifying and I hated it. I absolutely hated this feeling.

"Ami...just let me explain, please." Sora spoke slowly, his voice barely above a whisper. He reached his arms forward, as if he was trying to soothe a scared animal.

"Oh really?" I scoffed. I crossed my shaky arms across my chest in an attempt to keep them all from noticing how I was really feeling. "Go ahead. I would love to hear you explain this away."

I was met with a deafening pause. The room was silent, no one could explain this away because it was exactly what it looked like.

" I did this to protect you, Ami. I swear-" Sora started before I cut him off.

"To protect me! This is your idea of protecting me. By going behind my back and telling my business to these people-"

"These people are not your enemy! They are your friends." Sora ran his hands through his hair angrily. He seemed tired and drained but I couldn't find it in me to care. I looked at the guilty faces that surrounded me now and shook my head.

"You want me to believe that this is what friends do. I would expect something like this from Kyoya. He has been trying to figure me out since day one but the rest of you. Really?"

"Ami" Honey stood from his spot on the couch to face me. "We are so sorry."

"If you're sorry then why do it in the first place?" I questioned angrily. Honey's guilty expression faded and he met my eyes instead. His gaze was determined and unyielding.

" Because we all care about you and we want to help you but you won't let us in-"

"People who care for me would respect my boundaries and know that there are things I obviously don't want to talk about. This isn't you all caring for me it's your selfishness that led you all to this. You've questioned, doubted, and tested me and I never gave you any reason to feel like this was something you had to do, so don't feed me bullshit about trying to protect me and get to know me and tell me the real reason you did this." I was out of breathe by the time the words left my lips. I glared angrily at the Lolita boy. Mori sat beside him quietly, not moving an inch to help his cousin. Had I not been so consumed with my own emotions at the moment, I would have questioned it.

" I will be the first to admit that I have been unfairly driven to know more about you." Kyoya faced me calmly. His hand reached up to adjust his glasses before falling back to his side. "I have been raised to believe that knowledge is power and without it I feel unsteady. You came along and I knew absolutely nothing about you and it made me uneasy. You made me uneasy." I clenched my jaw. Listening to Kyoya as he spoke. His voice was steady and gentle. "I care about the host club, they are my friends and we have fun together. If you know anything about my family you could imagine that having fun isn't exactly something i'm used to. You made me feel threatened because I wasn't sure what you wanted."

" I never wanted anything-"

" I know that now, but I didn't before. It wasn't until I started watching these videos that I figured out what kind of person you are. I'm sorry that my inability to figure that out beforehand has hurt you."

"I am not hurt." I lied through clenched teeth. "I'm angry. I'm frustrated and furious because I don't understand why you would do this!"

"How can we get you to understand? I've told you time and time again that you are important to me. I've shown you that the best way I can but something inside of you won't let you believe that you are someone who can be cared for and that isn't your fault but you can't keep living your life this way." Sora was losing his patience. I could tell by the way he gritted his teeth when he spoke that he was frustrated but so was I.

"We do care about you, Ami. We want to help you." Haruhi added.

"We can't do that without knowing what's going on." Hana continued. At this they all nodded in agreement. My hands clenched around my arms tightly. I bit my lip trying to hold back the tears but I felt as if I was already drowning in them.

" NO! You don't get to decide these things for me! This is my life, my past and I didn't want anyone to know. This will change everything, can't you see that. We were friends, how can you do this to me when you know how it would make me feel. This isn't fair and I'm just supposed to understand and believe you did this with my best interests at heart? How could you sit there and watch those videos and not change the way you look at me?"

"What are you talking about A-chan? Nothing has changed." Honey jumped over the couch and took a step towards me but I instantly backed away.

"Everything has changed. I'm broken, I always have been. No one has ever wanted me and the few that did just end up leaving me alone again. You should be scared, or disgusted. There is something wrong with me, i'm damaged and I probably always will be. The way you see me will change because now you know." The tears I had been desperately trying to deny now streamed down my face. My vision blurred through the tears and the dark room did little to help.

"That's not true!" Honey practically screamed. " Nothing will change the way I look at you. This changes nothing."

"Why not! Why?" I hiccuped. Honey closed the distance between us before I even had time to register the action. His hands strongly gripped my wrists, holding them between us.

"Because I love you, I've loved you since the day you brought me Usa-chan, and I have loved you every minute since. On our first date, on the day you told me you hated me, I loved you when I first heard you sing and the first time you fought me. I love you when you smile, and even when you cry. I love the way you are with the kids from the orphanage, I love the way your expression changes when you perform. I have loved you through every good and bad experience we've had since we met and your past will never change that because at this point I need you in my life the same way I need air to breathe. I love you, every single thing about you. That is something that will never change and I need you to believe that." Honey stared into my amber orbs and my breath was caught in my throat. I felt as if everything just...stopped. His grip on my wrists lessened and instead he adjusted his hands so they were now holding mine.

"You asked me why I did this. It's because I love you that I watched these videos. I want to know you, Ami. I want to become someone who can stand beside you and someone you can count on to fight alongside you, but I can't do that unless I know what we're fighting." His lips trembled with each shaky breath he took. "So, I am sorry, but I would do it again because I don't regret watching these videos." He finished. I stood there silently, searching his eyes for something but I wasn't really sure what I was looking for. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity I slid my hands out of Honey's and without a word made my way out of music room three leaving behind a room full of suffocating guilt and eerie silence.