Don't Speak (SBI Angst)

5

TW:Self Harm, yelling, death and abuse mention, anorexia implications.

Wilbur POV:

About an hour after I put up my plate I hear a knock at my door

"Hey it's Phil, can I come in?"

He obviously wasn't thinking about the fact I won't reply, so I get up and open the door with a wave.

"Shit sorry mate next time ill tell you to just knock back if you don't want me to come in, that work?"

I nod

"Okay cool, I just wanted to ask how your first day was, I know it can be kinda stressful you know?"

I nod and reach for my sketchbook

It was definitely a lot better than other homes. Your family is very nice :)

"Well hopefully one day you can be a part of this family! I think you already kinda are to tommy but techs not as easy to reach you know?"

I nod

"Ok well if you need me you know where my room is! Goodnight Wilbur!"

I wave as a way to say goodnight and he leaves, shutting the door. I decide to go to sleep so I get in the bed and close my eyes, drifting off to sleep.

"Mom? Mom no mom please get up mom."
I stare at my mother's unconscious body. There's blood dripping from her head.
"Shut the fuck up you brat or you'll end up like her" My father says pointing a shard of the plate that used to hold dinner on it at my mom's body.

"But dad shes-"
"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He pushes the shard against my neck "Jesus your voice is so fucking annoying. Just do everyone a favor and never talk again."

I hide the tears in my eyes knowing that if i don't I'll eventually look like my mom.

I bolt up quickly, sweating, on the verge of tears from the memory of 6 year old me.

I start shaking and tears fall out of my eyes- what the fuck is happening-
(A/N this was how my first panic attack felt. I found out that's what a panic attack is a month later. Sorry if this wasnt accurate for a first panic attack it just is how I remember it.)

"Fuck" I whisper. I'm breathing so heavily and crying as silent as possible. Which is pretty quiet.

I just want this to stop what is happening.
What normally calms me down- how can I stop this? Then it hits me.

I scramble to the box under the mattress and open it, picking up the blade inside, this normally works for crying normally. It'll work for this.

I take the sharp edge of the metal and glide it with pressure over my arm, the blood comes out in dots before quicky becoming a line. Again. Again. Again again again again again. I'm still shaking- but I'm not crying as hard. It's working.

Again again again again.

Finally after about 20 cuts I feel 'normal' again. I sigh and put away the blade that has a permanent stain of blood on the corner of it.

I sneak into the bathroom and take a roll of toilet paper from under the sink, I'll use this for everytime I relapse.

I clean up my arm, pull down my sleeve, and get into the bed. today was such a long fucking day.

(A/N honestly bro how the fuck did I make one day 6 pages thats not what I meant to do)

Phil's POV:

My alarm goes off, it's 6:30 AM. I normally get up an hour later than this but today I wanted everything to be perfect, I mean, I know it won't, but- I can try, right?

I get up and brush my hand through my hair, with a sigh and grab my green and white hat from the bedside table and put it on my bed before grabbing an outfit to wear and lying it by the hat. I trail down the stairs and put eggs on the stove and take the bread out of the cupboard so when people start waking up I can make them toast. Like- the eggs are fine a little cold but toast? Nuh uh.

I finish and put every thing on plates, making sure techno has less, and because I don't know with Wilbur yet, I gave him more than techno but less than Tom and I.
I put all the plates at their designated area at the table and head upstairs to shower and put on my outfit I had laid out I glance at my phone, 7 AM.

Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if techno was awake.

I take a peek in his room to see if he's awake, and of course he is. Hes at his desk on Minecraft. did he seriously pull an allnighter again? He's gonna be tired all day.

"Tech. Again?"
"Fuck- dad heyyyy what time is it shouldn't you be asleep" he says pulling down the sleeves of his sweater, he doesn't like wearing short sleeves Infront of people even when he's clean, he doesn't like people seeing his scars.
"It's 7 I got up early to make sure everything was good for Wilbur. Techno this isn't healthy you gotta go to sleep mate."
"But dad i-"
"Nope. Go to sleep techno. I'll wake you up at 11 ok? We're going to the store at 12"
"...okay." he shuts down his computer and goes over to his bed, "night dad"
"Night" I shut his door.

Shit I hope Tommy's not awake- he tends to pull all nighters during stressful situations. And that dinner last night definitely stressed him out even if he didn't say it.

I open his door and he's asleep. His blanket fell to the floor though, I'll just pick it up and put it on him so he's not cold, he gets cold pretty easy.

I pick up the blanket and something red catches my eye under the bed, a rag? Is that blood? Some blood looks older and some looks newer. Before I put the blanket on him I glance at his thighs and arms, nothing. His stomach maybe? No he went swimming just a month ago and there was nothing. What's that blood from? I'll ask him tonight after dinner I guess.

(A/N:Bro I just realized I gave all of his kids a self harm addiction/past.poor phil.oopsies)

As I put the blanket on him his eyes open

"Huh- Phil why are you in here what time is it"

"It's only 7 you can go back to sleep but your blanket fell so I just put it back on you"

"No I'll get up, I won't be able to sleep any ways."

"Okay then, you can go ahead and eat your breakfast, Wilbur's not up yet and I just told techno to go to sleep so we're the only ones up" God I wanna ask him about the rag but I can't until the day's over, I don't wanna ruin the whole day.

"Techno was up? Is he okay?"
"Yes he was just playing Minecraft all night."
"Oh okay that's good"

We sit in silence for a moment

"Get dressed and come down for breakfast as soon as your ready, were going to the shop at 12 for Wilbur's stuff okay?"

He nods and I shut the door.

Today's gonna be a long fucking day.

A/N: OKAY IK THIS LOOKS RUSHED ITS CUS IT WAS IM SORRY IM LITERALLY WRITING THIS THE DAY I NEED TO PUBLISH IT

words:1259