Don't Speak (SBI Angst)

16

TW:anorexia, bulimia(throwing up on purpose), self harm Mention.

(This quote reminds me of my ex, someone whos name still leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth.)

(Also I realized in past chapters I used only he/him for ranboo and they use he/they so I'll make sure to start using that now, I may mess up sometimes still)

Wilburs POV:

Once we finally got to the field they were talking about tommy and ranboo started fighting with sticks and tubbo starting looking through some flowery areas picking up bees and ladybugs and other various bugs.

I just laid on a sat on a grass patch underneath a shaded tree area, the field was right before a forest started so I just found the biggest shade spot where I could still see the group.

I start using my finger to doodle in the dirt, I'm not going to actually draw due to the fact that if I mess up I'll just get frustrated over and over because it's literally dirt.

I draw a few silly little doodles of random people, I don't know who they are, just random designs.

Then I hear the boys erupt in the loudest fit of laughter I've ever heard with someone screaming through it, I recognize the scream as Tommy's.

"AHH GET IT OFF TUBBO! YOU LIKE BUGS GET IT OFF"

"TOMMY ITS MORE SCARED OF YOU THEN YOU ARE OF IT" tubbo replies through laughter

I stand up and walk over to get a better glance.

Tommy's waving his hand around and it has a small little house spider on it. At this point I'm guessing the spider has probably already bitten him in self defense, but it didn't really do anything more than a pinch. It's the size of a dime.

I write down in my notepad

Tommy stop moving for 5 seconds I'll get it off

I turn over my notepad so he can see it and the longer I look at him the bigger I smile.

He stops and is just screaming to hurry up now, I walk over and just flick the bug off and the group erupts it laughter as I do a smug smile

Tommy just stands looking at his hand with a 'are you shitting me right now- it was that easy!?' look on his face

Tubbo and ranboo are rolling on the ground holding their stomachs in pain as they laugh and my stomach is kind of hurting from restraining laughs. But I just want to be silent 24/7.

(A/n ik this isn't all mute ppl but I have a classmate who's mute and even his close friends say he laughs like every other blue moon and even then it's just a small giggle so ik that's not all mute ppl but it's some👍)

"Are you kidding me? I swear it wasn't that easy!? I'm hot anyways let's just go home and play Minecraft or something"

We all agree it's too hot and start heading to the house. Theyre talking normally for awhile then only ranboo and tubbo are talking, tommy just putting simple 'mhm's or 'yeah's into the conversation, he also keeps glancing over at me, I can't tell where at me, but it's not my face, I know that much. I look down too and notice there's dried blood showing from my arm a little bit. Well shit. I push my sleeve down farther and think of a lie.

The lie is that I scraped my arm because I accidentally hit the tree I was sitting at, maybe I should make a scrape on my arm to really go with the story. If I'll even have time for that. He seems like the type of person to waste no time with things that matter to him and Phil said he thinks I already matter to him. I doubt it's true but better safe than sorry.

Once we reach the house I go to the bathroom just so I can get the blood off of my arm.

I turn on the hot water and grab a few squares of toilet paper and put the water on the paper before washing down my arm with it, staining the paper a dark maroon.

I throw the paper into the toilet and flush before leaving the restroom.

I walk over to my room and before I shut my door I hear tommy talking to Phil in the distance, and tubbo and ranboo in Tommy's room.

I close my door and put the box i rushed under my bed frame in its correct placement under the mattress then sit on the bed and start reading the book that Charlie bought me for my 15th birthday I never read, he only got me something because I was in the orphanage at the time and no one had gotten me anything so he asked what I wanted and I just asked for any book.

(A/N:You can say this is any book you want it to be cus I don't think he'd read angst or murders and that's all I read 💀)

I got to about page 10 before there's a knock at my door, I get up and open it, it's tommy, is he gonna mention the blood from earlier? Fuck.

"Hey dinners almost ready and we're gonna play a board game in the living room, techno and Phil aren't gonna play because they're busy with something else, something about keeping techno calm? I don't know... But do you wanna play?"

I nod and grab my notebook before following him down the stairs.

All we do it play some monopoly, eat dinner, barley. Then we talk for awhile before I excused myself for the bathroom.

Now I'm sitting on the bathroom floor coughing again. I can't even eat simple meals like sandwiches or fucking soup. SOUP.

I know there's something wrong, I know it's anorexia, but honestly, I don't care anymore. No matter how many times I cut myself for being pathetic, no matter how many wasted meals, I love this, I love the control.

No one can take that control away from me.

I won't let them.

A/N:teehee I'm falling in love with the Wilbur angst now hehehehehe