Don't Speak (SBI Angst)

29

I'm gonna stop putting trigger warnings cus it's the same every chapter basically. If there's anything new later on (there will be) I'll put the triggers but for now they're all the same

Wilbur POV:

Looking in the bag, there's short sleeves. Only short sleeves. They're going to expect me to change into one of these, fuck.

I can cross my arms? But what if they need something, or what if the cuts are to big to hide them against my chest?

Shit when I show them my notepad what the fuck will I do? My arms are definitely visible then. Shit shit shit.

I hate this.

"I'll be right back, I'm gonna change into something more comfortable. We might be here all day tomorrow." Phil speaks up

"Me too." Techno replies

I get up too, signalling I'll go, tee-shirt in hand still having no idea how I'll hide my arms

First Phil goes in the bathroom, then techno, then me. I don't know why they went one by one giving there are 3 stalls in there, but whatever.

When I'm in there I put on the tee-shirt, looking at my scabbed over cuts.

I cross my arms, holding my sweater between my chest and arms.

Thank God they're hidden.

I leave the bathroom

"Okay c'mon"Phil says

We follow back to the hospital room

We sit where we sat before and nothing happens.

FOR 3 HOURS.

LITERALLY NOTHING.

FOR 3 HOURS.

(A/N someone's bored ⬆️)

"Maybe you should have grabbed more to do." Tommy speaks up in a sarcastic voice.

"Maybe... probably." Phil responds

Time skip because deadass wtf do you do in a hospital for a day?? Nothing. Deadass. I was in and out of the hospital all the time 5-10 yrs old for asthma and bro. Nothing. At all.

We get into the car, tommy in the front with Phil for a change. My arms are still crossed, I'm putting on a jacket the second we're home.

"We're about 10 minutes from the house. We gotta stop at the pharmacy to pick up the antidepressants, there's a gas station right across the street from the pharmacy, do you boys want to go across the street and get something to drink or eat while I get his medicine?" Phil says

"Sure" techno replies

"Mhm." Tommy answers, he's still not the most energetic. I see why though.

I nod my head.

Phil pulls up to the pharmacy and we all get out, heading across the street as Phil enters the pharmacy.

We get in.

"I'm gonna get a drink, if you want one too just follow me." Techno says, looking at me. He's probably been here before.

I follow him.

I watch him grab himself a water, and I go to grab one too with my non dominant arm still against my chest, it having much more, and much bigger, recent cuts.

"Why are you putting your arms like that?" Techno asks

I look at him for a second, not having my sketchbook, I shrug before bringing my arm to my side, not taking it away from my shirt the whole time, making sure the inside where the cuts are face my body, it stings as I glide the scabs over the fabric but I'm used to it because I constantly have fabric over them anyways.

He looks at my arm for a moment, then me, then looks away.

We pay for the waters and Tommy's coke.

We get back in the car and wait in silence for Phil.

Wait

My arms are uncrossed.

Thoughts flood my head,

Have they been like this the whole time? Did techno see? Did tommy see? Did they both see? Were they staring and I had no idea?

I didn't even realize that I crossed my arms again, like obviously I would, but I just didn't know yet.

"Wilbur you alright?" Tommys looking at me

Shit now techno is

No one of those fucking 'things' is happening again.

Shit shit shit

I just have to suppress it.

I hold back tears and stay as still as possible, then nod.

I'm still slightly shaking but only enough for you to tell if your focusing on it.

"Okay..." tommy looks sceptical.

Phil gets in the car and we start heading back to the house.

They talk the whole time but I'm just not paying attention

I need to make sure I cross my arms and stay stable.

I cant do one of those things we're I just shake and cry uncontrollably.

Fuck fuck fuck.

We're back to the house and I grab the little pile of clothes I had, rush inside as soon as Phil opens the door, and go to my room, maybe I seemed off, maybe I seemed rushed I don't know. I don't care.

I close the door behind me and open the closet, grab a hoodie, put it on and just get under my covers and let it all out, silently of course.

I don't feel like I'm gonna have one of those shaking crying things again but I might.

There's a knock on my door

"I'm coming in..!"

It's tommy

He walks in and sees me under the covers

"Are you okay?"

I put a thumbs up out of the covers

"You seemed just really out of it the whole ride and you came into the house in a hurry."

I look at him, forgetting the tears that marked my face, and shake my head.

"Wait your not okay- you were crying. What's wrong?"

I point to my notepad and he hands it to me

Idk, just overwhelmed or overstimulated or something. I got really panicy out of no where.

Kinda a lie, I do know what caused it.

"Oh. Sounds like you might of been overstimulated, or were gonna have a panic attack."

You mentioned having those before, what's it like?

"Wait panic attacks? Oh- um you get really upset or shocked or any big negative emotion and your body can't handle it.... so you begin to panic. You start shaking and crying and just... kinda freaking out until you calm down."

Oh. My. God. That's what the shaking crying thing is. I had my first one just like a month ago when I first came here- not even a month. And I almost had one today... why am I having them now?

Oh that makes sense, I think I've had those before.

"Mhm. They suck. I used to get them a lot, not as much anymore... I'll leave you alone for now to calm down. Night Wilbur."

Night

A/N: so I normally write like a chapter to 3 chapters a day... and it took me 4 days to write this, I have to have it out tomorrow. So I may not have a full 1000 word chapter for you guys by Wednesday :( IM SORRYRRRRRRTYRTRTYURRYT

Words:1153