Don't Speak (SBI Angst)

31

Wilbur POV:

I get in the car, techno already in the passenger seat looking out the window and tommy in the seat across from me, tapping his foot.

"How was school Wilbur?" Phil asks

I give a thumbs up to say it's good, he can't exactly turn around and read right now, but he can tell a thumbs up from the rear mirror.

I pull out my phone and text schlatt so he knows my number

It's Wilbur.
Sent 3:58

I put away my phone and look out the window, just to think.

I don't know anything about jschlatt other than the fact he's an addict and aggressive, and I'm gonna sneak out just to see him. I have better shit to sneak out about. But I also don't want him sneaking in through my fucking window or beating the shit outta me, I can smoke with him once and it'll be fine. I'll make it boring and he won't want to see me again.

I get pulled out of my thoughts as we pull in the driveway, I walk in and grab water from the kitchen before heading up to my room.

When I pass technos room, the doors open for once, but theres a very slight fruity kinda smell, you wouldn't notice it normally, but I guess if your on edge enough you would.

I pass his room and head to my own, I collapse on my bed, nothing to do.

No homework,
No books,
I don't want to draw,
I don't want to do anything.
But I need to do something.

I just need to do something.

Just then schlatt replies

Ok come ovr whenever js past like 12 the address is 400 south main st, you can leave afer like a our or so
Sent 4:36

Why the fuck was he typing so weird? He's probably just drunk, high, or not paying attention, but still. At least try if you want me to take you seriously.

K
Sent 4:37

"Hey wil dinners ready, do you want to try and eat downstairs? I know it would make tommy happy."Phil says from behind my door.

How the fuck can I say no to that? Like, normally I'd be like 'sorry no' but today he had his first therapy appointment, like a day ago he was in the hospital for cutting himself, how can I say no, it's probably just a tactic for Phil to make sure I eat but still.

I open the door and show him my notepad

Sure

I follow him downstairs, taking note that this time, not only is technos plate smaller, but so is mine.

I hate this.

I know I have an eating disorder okay?

But why do I have to be treated like it.

I'm okay with how I am, I'm okay with my bones sticking from my body, I'm okay with this pit in my stomach, I'm okay with the countless number of meals I've flushed down the drain, im okay with being sick.

To me, I'm not even sick, sure technically doctors would call me sick, but if I'm okay with it I'm not sick am I?

If your sick you want to get better, I don't want to get better.

So in my eyes, I'm not sick.

In my eyes, I've never been sick.

I sit at the table.

Everyone starts eating, techno at a slightly slower pace.

I take a bite, then another, and another-

Tommy's done.

I take a few more bites-

Phil's done.

A few more-

Technos done.

More-

I'm done.

I slide away once everyone's distracted in the kitchen washing plates and shit

Once im in the bathroom I follow a familiar pattern

1. Lock the door

2.lift up the toilet seat

3.kneel down over the toilet

4. Shove my fingers down my throat

5. After a hot minute, I throw up.

Then repeat a few times for extra measure.

I wipe my mouth and flush, put down the seat, and wash my hands before going back down, hoping I didn't take to long.

I walk down and they're still in the kitchen, I'm glad, but what the hell takes that long?

I walk over to them and before I turn to actually go into the kitchen, I hear my name.

They're talking about me.

"-dad. It's so fucking obvious, I have first hand experience with it and you know that."techno says

"I know. I don't doubt it but we can't force him to a doctor-"

"We could though-"

"Techno!" Phil and tommy say in sync

"Just go talk to him. You have more experience than any of us." Tommy says

"Fine."

I hear footsteps- shit

I go over to where the stairs are to make it look like I was coming down

"Oh- shit hey Wilbur."

I wave

He stares at nothing in particular for a minute, before starting to speak.

"Uhm, what where you doing upstairs?"

I write for a moment

Bathroom

"Did you-" he coughs "throw...up?"

I shake my head while making a confused expression, I know he knows, he knows I know, I just can't let him know I know he knows that I know he knows.

"...Wilbur I don't know how to stop what you're doing to yourself, that was so obviously a lie but If you deny help you'll never get it."

The fuck??

"I would have died if I didn't stop that. you will if you don't. Maybe your sweaters and shit will stop people from noticing how skinny you are, but you can tell from your boney hands, legs, face, you basically shed hair from lack of nutrients, I've been there Wilbur I can tell that shit. You're not hiding it as well as you think you are."

I'm not doing this shit.

I'm going to sleep early. Night techno.

"Running away from it won't make you healthy again." He sighs as I walk up the stairs

A/n: I know this seemed weird but like don't blame techno fr like if you saw a version of yourself that you hate in someone you care about you'd be mean Abt I to

Words:1035