TW:self harm, voices
Techno POV:
Shit shit shit
Why did I do that??
It felt Good
No shut up you've been silent so long why now
Im you techno, I'm always here. Don't you want more blood for the blood god? Its been so long.
No! Why did you do this?
Blood for the blood god
Dont call me or you the blood god.
Aww why not?
Shut up.
Stop being a baby. It was only like what? 10 cuts? Your fine that barely counts as a relapse.
Oh God I have to tell dad the voices are back and I need back on my meds he'll know I relapsed the second he hears me say that-
Don't get rid of me. I'll only come back worse.
I don't care
But techno-
"Shut up!"
Phil's up right now, he heard that.
"Shit shit shit shit" I say as I roll down my sleeves and just as I'm about to get the box on the shelf-
"Techno?" A knock comes from my door, it's Phil.
"Uh um yeah dad?"
Uhh ohh you sounded panicky, this is gonna be fun.
"Can I come in?"
"Yeah one sec I'm changing-" I push the box fully up and shut my closet door"come in now!"
He walks in and looks at me, worry and pity lacing his expression.
"Who were you talking to, I heard you say shut up really loudly and want to make sure it's not, you know."
Yes! It is me! Say it's me tech say it!
"I was uhh watching YouTube! This one guy said shut up really loud and I didn't know my volume was up!"
"So you were watching YouTube and changing at the same time-" he glances at my PC, the screen hasn't even dimmed yet, meaning I was just on it-"while playing Minecraft?"
"Um yeah, I was playing Minecraft and wanted background noise then realized I was kinda sweaty."
"But that's what you were wearing a few minutes ago when I saw you?"
The silence is deafening
Oh you're fucked-wait- HAHA-YOURE GOING TO DISAPPOINT HIM HE'LL SEND YOU BACK YOULL BE USED AGAIN, BEAT, TOUCHED-
"JESUS JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP" I hit my head once before tugging at my hair- dad grabs my hands and pulls them away from my head, I look up at him, his eyes glossed over but he's not crying, hes just scared. Not for himself, for me.
"They're back dad. Dad the voices are back"
"I'll get you the meds again techno, did you..." He's gonna say relapse
"I'm sorry"
He sighs
"It's okay. I know it's hard to control when the voices show up. I love you tech let me grab the rubbing alcohol real quick to clean your arm okay?"
I stay silent. But he knows it's okay, it's always okay.
Don't take those meds when he gets them.
I will.
Dad walks back in
"Roll up your sleeve tech so I can help you clean it please."
I nod and roll up my sleeve, he takes a sharp inhale when I do so. God I hate this.
"Sorry." I mumble
"It's okay techno it's not your fault"he sighs "this will stung a bit" he warns as if I don't have the feeling memorized.
It stings when he puts it on as per usual.
Didn't you miss this feeling techno? The burn after the cut, the stinging on your arm for the next week?
Not one bit.
Awee that's too bad techno, you'll feel it alot more since I'm back, it's gonna take atleast a day or two to get rid of me, I'll make sure you relapse as much as possible within that period.
"Please just shut up" I whisper, barley able to hear myself, maybe because I wasn't paying attention, but Phil sure heard it. He was putting on a bandaid as I said it.
"Techno they'll go away soon. It'll be okay."
"It."
"What?"
"It's one voice"
"I thought it was multiple?"
"It used to be. It used to be my mom, dad's, and... You know who's voice. I think because I feared them the most."
"Who is it now tech?"
"Me."
He looks shocked, well not shocked but he looked up at me with a confused face, and wide eyes, like a deer in headlights, confused and shocked even if they know exactly what's going on.
"Are you scared of yourself techno?"
"No. I'm scared of what I can do."
"What?"
"I'm scared of how if I wanted to I could kill someone so easily. And I'm scared that one day that's what the voice will want. It wouldn't be the first time.like for how it's simply just, 'hurt yourself to see blood' but I'm scared it will be 'hurt your family to see blood'. All it wants is blood dad. And if it trys hard enough it can get just that."
"Techno that won't happen-"
"What if it does dad?! The pills always work then they just stop working and I have to up the dosage, one day, I won't be able to go up anymore!"
He's silent
"I'm so scared of myself dad."
A/N UH IM SORRY IF THIS DOESNT PORTRAY VOICES PROPERLY I TRIED TO LOOK IT UP BUT IT WAS SO MANY DIFF WAYS VOICES CAN WORK SO I KINDA TRIED TO MIX THEM?
LIKE THE VOICE IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW OR YOURSELF
OR THE VOICE HAS CONVOS WITH YOU
AND THE VOICE CONTROLS YOUR ACTIONS
Words:923
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