Don't Speak (SBI Angst)

12

TW: talk of self harm,

Wilbur POV:

I wake up and remember last night, remember how I originally fell asleep in technos room then ended up having a nightmare, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. then I went to my room. I remember hearing some people talking faintly before falling asleep but I assumed techno was just on the phone with his friends.

I open my phone from my bag since I never took it out yesterday, and I check my phone, I see notifications from Charlie but skip to the top of the screen

The times 10:23

Okay, glad i didn't sleep in too much. I look at Charlie's notifications

How was yesterday wil?
Sent at 9:12 am

Wilbur I know you wake up early your worrying me. Get back to me as soon as possible.
Sent at 10:20

Damn I missed him by 3 minutes?

Sorry. I woke up like 5 minutes ago and just got on my phone, it was good though.
Sent just now

After I send that I turn off my phone and walk downstairs, the whole vibe of the room is off.

Techno and tommy are on the couch and Phil's nowhere to be seen

Tommy seems to not be paying attention, he's on his phone with messages pulled up but he doesn't even look like he's really paying attention, he's glancing at Techno every few minutes as if he needs to tell him something and techno seems in his own world, even if he is reading a book you can tell he's processing absolutely 0 of the words.

Tommy sees me and thinks for a second before speaking up.

"Oh hey Wilbur! Sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I didn't wanna wake you up, tubbos coming over right now, I need to talk to him about something and dad's picking him up right now, I don't have to introduce you yet if you aren't ready but it would make sense giving he's over all the time"

I nod and realize I forgot my notepad so I pull out my phone and type in my notes app

I'm fine meeting him

"Oki doki"

He goes back to his messages.

We sit in silence for a few minutes once I came back with my note book and sketchbook.

Tommy on his phone, techno reading, and me drawing references off my phone of old friends I have that even though I lost contact with basically all of them when I moved homes so much due to not talking in person and I'm dry over text, now I just  try to avoid making real friends, acquaintances are okay, but I don't want to be friends with someone I'll loose in under a year.

Suddenly I hear keys rattle in the door, looking at the door for a second before it opens and standing there is Phil with a younger boy about Tommy's age behind him, I'm assuming that's tubbo.

He has brown fluffy hair, kinda like Tommy's but with a different hair cut and it's not the same type of curls, he's wearing a simple white tee-shirt and baggy jeans with beige high top converses.

He follows Phil inside and immediately hugs tommy as tommy stands up, almost pushing him back down.

"Tom's! Are you alright? I haven't seen you for so long!"

"It's been a week tubs- and Ive been better I guess" he laughs as to not make me or techno suspicious but I can tell tubbo knows what he's talking about

"Oh and uh this is my new foster brother Wilbur!" He waves his hand towards me so tubbo notices me.

"Hey! I'm tubbo!"

I wave back and start to write in my notebook, he looks confused.

"Oh right- tubbo hes mute, meaning he doesn't like to talk Infront of people, kinda like how ranboos quiet Infront of strangers, but he's quiet Infront of everyone."

I turn my note book around

Hello :)

"Ohh got it!"

"You boys can go upstairs or stay down here if you'd like, tell me if you go outside and I'll have lunch ready at 12, Wilbur there's eggos in the freezer I didn't make breakfast this morning, woke up late."

I nod as an 'ok'

I go back to drawing.

Tommy POV:

"And he saw a rag under my bed with blood on it-" I'm telling tubbo the events of last night before he cuts me off.

"From... It?"

"Uhm yeah... It." I bite at my nails

"Tommy you said you were getting better... Youre never gonna get clean if you keep the blade or that rag."

"I know! I just- it's hard. I don't feel like I'm ready to be clean."

"You'll never be 'ready' Tom. You have to just take the leap."

I almost make a joke about leaping off a building instead but realize that wouldn't be fitting.

"I just... I'll just finish the story now."

Tubbo nods

"So he asked me where the blood was from and I tried to lie but then he asked to see my thigh because I had been limping earlier- which would normally be fine because you know I do it on my hip not my thigh- but I had gone to high up and he saw-" my eyes start watering

"Tommy it's alright" he stands up and hugs me "let it out"

"Why did I have to try it tubbo i-" I sob "I wish I never saw him relapse." I sigh "I wish he never even did that- why can't he just be happy? All I want is for him to be happy, for you to be happy. For Wilbur and ranboo to be happy. Why can't people be happy?"

"Tommy, no one will ever be happy, there's a difference between getting sad sometimes and being depressed. All 'happy people' get sad sometimes, and most 'sad people' are just depressed. I think- I think you and techno are depressed from trauma, you with seeing him like that... And with your birth father, and I don't know Wilbur enough but knowing the system he probably has some big trauma to result in him not talking. And ranboo has the issues schlatt causes still going on, and I have my anxiety, people are gonna be sad sometimes. And tommy, I know you want to, but you can't make people be happy every second of every day. It's impossible"

I look at him for a second, tears still flowing but more quietly now.

"So I can't do the only thing I've been trying to do for this past year?"

A/n: no a/n idk what to say I barley got this chapter out today 😭

Words:1121