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[43] Positive

~*~*~*~*~*~ Cory's POV~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter Forty-Three                  

  There was an unfamiliar sharp pain in my chest as my eyes watched the scene in front of me. My eyes glided over Lily's hand in Jake's as his hand caressed her cheek in the spot mine had less than twenty-four hours ago.  His lips pressed to the place where mine belonged. 

What was this feeling?

Why did it hurt?

Why did it feel like my heart had been ripped in two?

They were about to walk off when Lily turned around all of a sudden, locking eyes with me, her face masked with shock.

The pain started in my heart again, seeing those mesmerising eyes of hers and I turned around fleeing the scene as fast as I could.

To think I got my hopes up.  To think I thought things could be different.  That Lily could actually feel something towards me.  This was why I didn't date.  This feeling happened. 

Rounding a corner I slid down against a wall and put my head between my legs, trying to calm down.

My eyes stung.

This was why I never had a girlfriend.  I hated this feeling.  Letting someone get a grip of your heart and having the ability to rip it to pieces without your say.  But why did I feel this way?  Why did I let my guard down?  How could I allow myself to do that again?

I lay down on the grass and looked up at the clouds, watching them change shape.  My stare became hollow and expressionless as my feelings slowly drained from me.  Happy?  What was that?

I felt a presence sit in front of me so I raised my head to find disappointment.  "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked in a harsh tone.

"I noticed you had a free period and I came to see you," Lily replied.

"Now you've seen me, go away."  Hearing her voice made me feel betrayed.  Made these terrible feelings rise again.  My heart felt like it gave another painful squeeze as her voice threw needles into my heart.

"I'm not leaving," she insisted.

I sat up, looking her in the eyes.  Who did she think she was?  Did she really think she could play me around like...

Like what? the voice in my head asked.  Like you played her at first?

I shook my head.  I've changed.

So?  You did it.  It's karma.  She wanted you, you played her.  You want her, she's playing you.  You're stupid to think happy endings exist.  We've been through this.  Life is much easier to have sex and live life carelessly.  You don't need her to tie you down.

"Fine, I'll leave," I told myself rather than her.

"Cory... don't do this!" she pleaded as I got up.

"Don't do what Lily?" my inner jerk spat back, taking over and stripping away all of my feelings.  "Sit here and watch you and Jakey together.  Just watch as you build your all so wonderful relationship whilst I'm on the outskirts feeling rather used and unwanted." 

Don't forget you played this too.

Shut up!

"Well wake up Lily," wake up Cory, "I'm not going to do that," because you're too scared to wait it out.