Beautifully scarred

Chapter 59

Luna's POV

Today is not a good for me. It never is. The day before my birthday or the day of my birthday, are the days I dread the most.

Ever since I was 15 I've never looked up to my birthday. Ever since I was conscious enough to realize how bad the things that I went through were, I've never looked at my birthday the same.

I always faked happiness for the sake of my Uncle and Old Nick. Seeing them excited for my birthday, always brought joy to me but never enough to make me happy.

Back at the orphanage, the kids would always use my birthday against me. To them, it was the day I was abandoned, the day that my parents decided not to love me. To me, it was the reminder that one day, as I got older, I would be free and loved.

That hope inside my heart was lost went I was 15.

After I left Uncle's house to go to "boarding school", I tried to be enthusiastic about everything. I tried to make friends, eventually get my love life started and even see my birthday from a different light other than the one that reminded me how unfortunate I am.

You would think I'm selfish because I have two men in my life who loved me deeply, but there is that part in me that wishes that knew from whom I come. Who made me, who gave me life and eventually, who decided not to love me.

When I was 15 and a freshman in high school, I developed this crush for the school's golden boy. I was so sure that he liked me that I faked needing money, which brought me to the decision of doing tutoring lessons.

Immediately, he contacted me and I tutored him for three of his classes. I felt needed, I felt like without me, he couldn't do it. Even though, I know I shouldn't have, I felt for him and because of that, that hope inside me died.

He used to treat me nice, at least when it was just him and I in the library. He used to compliment me for being smart but it never went beyond that.

One day he invited me to one of his friends party. Big fucking mistake.

To keep it short, motherfucker drugged and, almost, raped me. He used me in a way that I never thought I would be used. If it wasn't for the fact that I was under Dragon's training, he would have taken advantage of me.

Worst part of it all, it happened the day before my birthday.

When my birthday came, I was so numb from crying and I was depressed, that I called Uncle and told him to not even bothered picking me up from school. I told him I was on my period and wanted to be alone.

It hasn't been the same ever since. That day, making it the only experience I had with men, marked me for life.

I'm just grateful that I have Scarr now and at least he makes me happy and respects me in ways I never would have been able to.

Not a lot of people have the privilege to experience a love in which you depend on a person emotionally and mentality.

Don't get it wrong, that could easily leave you heartbroken and leave you shattered in pieces but that would only happen if the love that you had, wasn't as big as your partner's or vice versa. It's bound to fail.

But what I have with Scarr, it's something beyond that.

We grew together, emotionally and mentally. The confidence that we have has grown, the self love and respect has grown, we've become the better version of ourselves and without each other we can easily crumble, yet be the strongest we've ever been.

To other people, it may not seem that way but that's only because they haven't gone through what we've gone through and they definitely don't feel like we do.

So if I ever was to explain why I love Scarr, it would be simple yet complicated.
I love you isn't enough of an explanation but I'll tell you this:

When I cry, he's there to dry my tears and make me laugh. When I fall, he's there to pick me up or encourage me to stand on my own. When I crumble to pieces, he puts back together all the pieces, making me whole again.

If Scarr doesn't feel strong, I'll be strong for the both of us. If he can't fight, at least on his own, I'll fight for and with him. If he's dealing with his demons and insecurities, I'll show him a million reason why he deserves to be happy and why he should love himself.

We don't leave each other alone in any situation. It's him and I against the world.

If no one can understand that, then it's okay. It isn't something to understand, it's something to feel. Something to live.

I just hope today I can forget about my pain and just live.

Maybe, I'll be able to talk about it.
...

"Guys...can we talk?"