In the middle

Chapter 39

Sooner or later social services would find out both my parents were dead and come around knocking.
I couldn't deal with anything right now, I hadn't left my mother's bed in days. All I could do was cry. I hadn't moved, not to eat, pee, shower. Not even to drink water. Just cry. Julian was at the house, he was sitting at the dining table.
He had felt wrong to lie on my mum's bed with me. I was glad, I didn't want anyone touching her stuff but me.
When I had walked into the house her body was gone, Julian had come by. Hoping I was here but I was gone.

He said he had done it himself but I knew it wasn't true. His brothers had probably gotten someone to do it, get rid of the evidence. But they didn't just dump her body. I would have killed them.
Her body was frozen in a morgue. I had gone to see her and I had exploded. Her beautiful lifeless body.
I had hugged her even though she would never hug back. She was cold, still. Touching her had only made it worse. Now I just remember her cold dead body.

Now, I was planning a funeral. Milly had come around, she heard about Mum's death. She stayed with me for a few days and we both mourned. We both had lost people, people we cared about. That was all I was good at, was hurting people. I killed people.
Everyone around me got hurt.
Her warm sheets were becoming less warm. I had already soaked her pillows a hundred times.

I heard a phone ring from outside her room. Julian picked up. "Hello?" He spoke. I couldn't hear who he was talking to. Probably his brothers, Taylor was around earlier but she hadn't moved.
Julian appeared at the entrance of the room.

'Hey.' He spoke softly. I didn't speak back. 'That was the morgue. You need to finish organizing the funeral.' His words were so soft and gentle but they felt sharp against my brain. More tears slipped down my cheeks and onto the sheets.
It had been a while I know, we couldn't keep her in the morgue forever.
I pushed myself up.

'You don't have to do it now, just soon.' He spoke. 'No.' I finally spoke. The sound of my own voice was shocking. I hadn't heard it in days.

'I have to do it now. She has to be buried.' No more tears fell. I think I had emptied all the water from my body.
I sat at the edge of the bed and combed my hair with my hands.
I got up, I felt so dizzy. I placed my hand against the wall, giving me support.
'Here.' Julian said but I pushed his hand away.

'I'm okay, really.' I walked into the kitchen. 'There is some food in the fridge.' Julian spoke. 'I'm not hungry.'
'You have to eat something.'
'No.'
'Yes!' He ordered. 'Please.' He spoke. I sighed and opened the fridge. I pulled out a sandwich. Pulling it apart and chewing down. My jaw had't moved like this in so long it was weird to just eat.

'Happy?!' I asked. He smiled but didn't reply. Spread across the kitchen counter was shit I had been organizing for the funeral. Flowers, I had already decided on them. Why flowers? They were so pretty, so happy. I was neither of those things right now.

Julian's phone rang again. "Hello?" The same tone as before. "Yeah, no. Later, no, okay." He hung up.
'Your brothers?' I asked.
'Yeah.' He responded. This felt like the stupidest thing in the world. A knock sounded at my door. 'I'll get it.' Julian walked down the hall. 'Hey.' He spoke.

A familiar, lovely face appeared. 'Hey, Milly.'
'Hey, Darling.' She looked at all the stuff on the counter. 'I'm gonna help okay?' I nodded. Out of everyone's help right now. I needed hers.

'But there is something we need to do as well, not just about the funeral.' I looked up at her. Her eyes looked exactly like Hannahs's. I closed my eyes, I didn't wanna see that right now.

'Child Services are gonna come next week I heard.'
'Great!' I swore sarcastically.
'What does that mean? They are going to take her to some other place?' Julian spoke.
'Well, they can. But I have this.' She handed me a few pieces of paper.