In the middle

Chapter 23

It had been two weeks since the funeral. I had texted Julian asking for some time and he had said he'd give it to me.
It had turned out Carlos, Hannahs's dad, had seen the package and called the police. He "Ratted." An hour later they were.....killed.
I hated thinking about that, it was all in the news about gangs and threats and today's society. But those kids....they didn't belong in today's society. They deserved something better.

I couldn't force myself to go back to that school, not without Hannah. So mum had moved me to Park Woods High. It was a little bit closer than my last one but in the opposite direction. I would start in a week, I couldn't believe I would be going to a new school. A new school that didn't have a Hannah in it. Not the Hannah I once had before.
I couldn't have even imagined my life a year ago without her. If I had I would have changed everything.

Today was my first day back at work. I was terrified, I kept thinking about if someone drives by on me while working. I made it to work and saw Matt standing there, he had flowers in his arms.
'I'm really glad you're back Zoie.' He passed them over to me, they were sunflowers. Hannah's favorite.
'That girl could talk about herself, I got them for you and her. I put some on her grave as well.'
I tried so hard to hold back my tears. 'Thank you! I love them.' I gave him a big hug.

There weren't too many customers today. Every time someone came in I recorded them in my mind, Matt had also installed cameras to catch anyone who may be suspicious. The cameras made me feel a lot better, not that I felt the same as I once did.

I somehow managed to drive myself home without jumping at every sound. I dumped the keys into the bowl. Mum was going back to work tomorrow, she had asked and asked and asked if I wanted her to stay but I insisted I'd be okay. I had already taken life from Hannah I couldn't take my mums dream job away from her. I couldn't just keep taking, there were consequences.

I walked down the hall and into the kitchen, there sitting at the counter was Julian. His face was dark again and it looked like he hadn't slept in days.
'Hey.' I said shyly. 'Good you're home, I'm gonna go get some pizza. So... are you good here alone?' Mum asked me. I nodded and she kissed my head before walking out.

I waited until I heard the front door close behind her till I dared to move. 'Hey.' He smiled. 'Hey.' I said again. I moved over to the fridge and poured a cup of juice.
'Do you want anything?' I asked.
'Do you have coffee?' I nodded and turned to the pot. It was probably from earlier but it was still warm. I slid a cup across the counter gently.
'How was work?' He asked. It seemed like such an everyday conversation but we hadn't talked like this in weeks.
'It was fine. how have you been?' I felt like I had to ask.
'I've been better.' I gave an exhausted laugh. 'Your mum told me you're moving schools.' He spoke.
I poured the juice down the sink and emptied the rest of the coffee into a mug for myself.

I wrapped my hands around the mildly warm mug. 'Yeah, I just couldn't stay there.'
'That's fair.' He spoke. His voice was so soft, gentle. 'I have to ask. Are we okay?' His words were full of pain. I didn't know how to answer this.
I have been thinking about it almost none stop but I could never find an answer.
'I...' That was all I managed to say. He ran a hand through his hair.

'Hannah's dad ratted, that's why they came after her.' I didn't mean to change the subject but I didn't know how to answer his question. 'I heard, still. It shouldn't have happened.' He replied. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time. Tears slid down my cheeks.

'I just feel like it was all my fault.' I cried. He rushed around the counter and grabbed my hands. 'Hey! It wasn't okay? It wasn't your fault. The only blame is on the ones who killed her.' He told.
'But...but I killed her.'
'No Zoie, no you didn't. You didn't kill her, you didn't kill her sister or her brother. You didn't shoot her dad. Someone else broke their window, you weren't even there.' I kept crying.
He pulled my into his chest, it felt warm and safe like it had felt before. It felt so perfect, so familiar.

'It's okay Zoie, I am so sorry.' He kissed my head deeply. I wrapped my arms around him. I was glad he was here, I wanted him. I wanted this, I wanted to feel safe again. Even if it was just for a moment I wanted now.

'I'm so scared.' I cried. He pulled me in tighter. 'You don't have to be, I'm here. I promise, I promise I'm here.'