The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 11: No One Has to Know

He kissed me.

I had never kissed anyone besides Don.

I went into the bus bathroom, and splashed my face with water. Looking in the mirror, I saw that my eyes were already bloodshot, my face still blotchy.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about kissing him, but out of all the times I had thought about it, it never looked like that. Going back into my bedroom, I saw Don's cigarette ashes scattered all over my floor and across my bed. I really wished I was on the other bus right now. Looking out the window, I could see the lights still on on the boy's bus. I wondered what they were talking about. Jake probably told them. My stomach dropped. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about this with Sam.

But I didn't want to be alone right now. 

This was the downside of being a "one woman show." After the lights go down, all you had was yourself. I looked back out the window at the boy's bus. At least they all had each other during this journey. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have someone else to share these experiences with.

But no one could ever understand.
Not unless you lived it.

Then there was a knock at the door. My stomach dropped. I really hoped it was Sam. I needed someone right now. I peeked out the door window, slowly opening the door.

"Jake?"
"Hey.." He said, awkwardly looking up at me. I felt my cheeks burn. I didn't know what to say.
"Can.. I come in?" He asked, shoving his hands into his pockets. I hesitated, but eventually nodded, stepping out of the way. He made his way up the stairs, sitting down on the couch. I followed him, sitting down across from him. I looked up to see that his eyes were bloodshot. Had he been crying? We sat in silence together for a few minutes.

"Can we talk about this?" He asked, moving closer. My heart started beating faster.
"What do you want to talk about?" I said quietly, looking down. I heard him sigh.
"You know what I want to talk about." He said. "You.. you left me out there."
"Cause you kissed me." I snapped. His cheeks blushed as he looked away.
"I.. I did, yes." He said.
"Why?" I asked. I heard him giggle to himself.
"Did you just ask me why?" I couldn't help but smile, looking back up at him. I nodded.

"Because I've wanted to from the moment I saw you." He said, his voice shaking. I bit my lip, holding in a smile. He sounded just how he did the day we met. I remember how I found it annoying at first, just another person too nervous to even talk to me. But now...

"You did?" I asked. He nodded, staring back at me with that familiar daze in his eye. My cheeks burned.

He looked just like Sam.

"Can I ask you something?" He said, moving in closer. I could feel my heart race again.
"Mhm.." I said, keeping my eyes locked on him.
"Can I.. kiss you again?" He asked. My body felt like it was on fire. I looked down to his lips, and then back into his eyes. His big brown eyes. I reached up, gently running my fingers through his hair. His eyes moved down to my lips.

"Yes." I said. His eyes lit up as he moved in close, gently kissing me on the lips. I moved my hands down to his chest, holding onto his shirt and pulling him closer. I felt him smile as he backed away, staring back into my eyes. I stared back, still holding onto his shirt.

"I like you, Jake.." I said, looking down. He moved his hand up, gently placing it on my cheek. I could feel my face radiating under his palm.
"I like you." He said, his smile growing.
"But.." His face dropped.
"But?" I sighed.
"I'm with Don." I said quietly. He pulled his hand away.
"Juliette.." I shook my head.
"Don't, Jake." He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Juliette, you can't-"
"You don't understand." I said plainly.
"Well, then help me understand." I bit my lip, shaking my head. It was bad enough I had to explain everything to Sam. I didn't want to get Jake involved too.

"I can't leave him, Jake." He ran his fingers through his hair.
"So.. I just have to.. live with this?" He asked. "Knowing how we both feel. But.. we can't do anything about it?" I bit my lip, feeling my eyes get watery again. I quickly wiped them, looking away.

"This is what I agreed to." I sighed. He looked back at me confused.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"I mean.. this is what I agreed to. Don's family owns the record label. They own.. everything of mine. Without him.. I have nothing, Jake. Without him, I am nothing." 

Jake stared back at me wide-eyed.
"Juliette.." I shook my head.
"I'm sorry, Jake. But.. nothing can happen between us. Nothing can happen between me.. and anyone else. It's basically this until his family decides it's time for us to get married and have kids and.."

"What?!" He sighed, his face dropping. I shrugged, rubbing my eyes again.
"That's.. that's not fair to you." He said.
"I knew what I was agreeing to, Jake." I said quietly. He nodded, looking away.

"Do you.. do you love him?" He asked.
"He's all I've ever known." He peeked up at me.
"That's not an answer, Juliette." I shrugged.
He stared up at me, gently reaching up, holding my face again.
"How can I really know if he's all I've ever known?" I said. He gently traced his thumb down my cheek. I felt my heart start to race again. I bit down on my lip, staring back up at him.
"I like to think.. you know when you know." He mumbled. His cheeks blushed as he gave me a small smile.

"Well.. he's not here now.." He said, moving closer. I reached up, gently grabbing onto his shirt again, pulling him in closer.
"No he's not." I sighed, a small smile escaping from my lips. He moved his hand down to my waist, pulling me even closer. My heart was racing. 

"Jake.." He leaned his forehead against mine.
"No one has to know." He whispered.

My cheeks burned. I reached up, holding his face in my hands, pulling him into another kiss.