The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 39: I Hoped

And then the lights went down and the screams began. I felt his grip on me get tighter.
"Nervous?" I asked, giggling to myself. He hesitated for a moment before shrugging, smirking back at me.
"A little." He said. "Now that I know you're watching."
"Does it help that I already know you're gonna be great?" I asked, feeling my cheeks burn. He nodded, biting down on his lip.
"Yes, actually."

Even in the shadows of the wings, he was adorable, occasionally catching a glimpse of his flustered grin in the glow on the stage lights. I loved getting to experience this with him, having always been the center of attention, I loved getting to be there for someone else for a change.

"Now if I mess up, just know it has nothing to do with the fact that I know you're over here." He giggled, reaching up for me, gently caressing my cheek. I moved in closer, our faces now inches apart. How badly I just wanted to kiss him, but I knew I couldn't. I had no idea who was watching us right now, and if I thought Don was bad before, I could only imagine what he'd do if he found out about us here.

Then my heart jumped as his eyes moved down to my lips. I shook my head.
"Not here." I mouthed back to him. He scrunched up his face, leaning in, gently rubbing his nose against mine.
"Later?" He asked. I sighed, unable to control myself when he looked at me like that. I peeked around before grabbing onto his jacket and pulling him further out of sight, deeper into the darkness where even if anyone did see us, there was at least no way to tell that it was me he was kissing.

And then I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. My heart jumped at the feeling of his hand carefully caressing my neck, kissing me back harder until I felt his lips curl into a satisfied grin. When I finally moved away, I couldn't help but laugh at the smudged pink lipstick that lingered on his lips. I carefully wiped it off with my thumb, not wanting any evidence of us remaining when he went onstage. His smile grew as he leaned in, carefully wiping around my lips too.

"Sorry." He giggled, leaning his forehead against mine. "I hope I didn't ruin it."
"You never have to apologize for kissing me." I said softly, now leaning in, gently kissing his neck, leaving a faint mark of a familiar pink lip print.
"Oh, can I keep that one?" He joked, now staring back at me with that dazed look that I loved so much. I felt so beautiful when he looked at me like that, no matter what I looked like. I nodded, biting down on my lip as I leaned back in, only to hear the roaring of screams once again.

"I'll meet you back here after, okay?" I said, trying my best to yell over the now rumbling of the drums. He nodded, holding his stare on me for a moment before leaning back into another long kiss. I reached up, tangling my fingers in his hair, kissing him back harder until he finally pulled away, quickly pulling his guitar around and playfully wiping his lips again before running out on stage.

A giddy grin escaped my lips as the screams grew louder when he stepped into the spotlight, perfectly playing their opening riff. I couldn't help but feel a subtle wave of jealousy wash over me, knowing how many of them were most likely thinking the same things about him as I was right now. But I quickly shook the thought. It's what came with the territory, I knew that. I experienced it every night. And it was only natural to play into it as he would flash the front row a beaming smile, giving them a wave here and there, blowing the occasional kiss..

I felt the pang in my gut again, my whole body feeling like it was on fire now. I had no right to be jealous. I was in a very public relationship, I was the one keeping him a secret. Who was I to feel any type of way about how he acted around fans.

But it was only natural to start feeling.. territorial over the one you were sharing your bed with.

"They're not bad." I heard from behind me. I jumped, quickly turning around, now feeling like I was going to be sick. Don stared back at me with a simple grin, and a glimmer in his eye that was anything but impressed. I turned away, looking back out at the stage.
"Have you calmed down?" He asked. I could feel him getting closer to me, his hand now moving to my waist. Have I calmed down? Asking me that like I was a child throwing a temper tantrum. I pushed his hand away.
"Don't think I don't know, Juliette." He said, his voice now much more stern. My whole body went cold.

"Know what?" I finally asked, as calmly as I could manage. He smiled back at me, I'm sure satisfied with himself, having gotten me to finally answer.
"About your boyfriend." My stomach dropped.
"He's not my boyfriend." I muttered, keeping my eyes forward, but even out of the corner I could see him nodding, hearing him giggle to himself. He wasn't convinced.
"You really expect me to believe that after the way he acted before?" He scoffed. I shook my head. All I wanted was to just have this time alone to see him perform, but I should have known better, that Don was never going to give us a minute alone again, not if he could prevent it.

"Have you slept with him?" He asked.
"No!" I snapped, finally bringing myself to look at him, now feeling like my whole body was on fire.
"But you want to." I shook my head, quickly turning back towards the stage. I was a horrible liar, and Don knew that.
"I.. I don't-"
"You do." He laughed. "But.. deep down I think that you know.. you're too good for him, Juliette. Sure, he's a sweet little distraction right now, but he's beneath you. And you know it. You may have fun with him, because he doesn't know you. You and I both know what happens on tour, and who doesn't like a little something on the side, I understand. But in the end you know that you'll never actually choose him, because choosing him means losing all of this, and no matter how hard you try to convince yourself, this is what means the most to you. Not him, not.. that."

I could feel my heart beating in my throat, tears now filling my eyes. I knew I couldn't wipe them, not without fear of leaving the evidence of my guilt, streaming down my face in a thick coat of black.

But that wasn't true. He didn't know anything.
He didn't know me at all.

"Look, I know I haven't been the best boyfriend either, Jules.."
Jules. Another pang to the chest.
"But.. there's no one out there who understands us, not like we understand each other. We're not.. normal. And.. they may try, but.. they'll never fully grasp what it's like to be with us, to be us, so.. it's best to just.. let him off easy, when you eventually do, because.. he does seem sweet. But.. we're different, and we deserve each other."

If I knew anything, I knew that I deserved so much more than this, whatever this was, and maybe on paper Jake couldn't give me the "flashy lifestyle" that I had grown accustomed to, but maybe that was okay, because maybe I was tired of it.

Because it didn't matter how rich or famous or powerful you were, Jake had shown me something that no amount of money in the world could ever buy, and at the end of the day, I knew that I would give anything for it. And I knew that if tomorrow it all went away, he would still be there and would want me too.

Or at least, I hoped.

I then felt him lean in closer, grabbing my waist as he pulled me in, whispering into my ear.
"But next time, make sure he wipes off all of your lipstick before he goes on stage." He said, flashing me a sly grin before leaning in and kissing my neck, and disappearing back into the shadows of the wings.