The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 18: What You Want

I moved up in the wings to get a better view of the guys. I knew no one would be looking at me once they were on so it was safe to get a little closer. I was excited for them. Their world would never be the same after tonight, and I was glad to be there to see it.

After a few minutes I realized I had nothing to worry about. They were incredible. It felt like a weight off my shoulders. The last thing this tour needed was an opener that the crowd just didn't vibe with. It would throw off the entire show.

Looking out, I saw Jake truly come alive. This wasn't the guy I had met the other night. I couldn't help but smile as he effortlessly worked the entire stage. It was impressive. And then I saw Sam, who looked like he was doing everything in his power to not look over towards my side of the stage. I anxiously crossed my arms, watching closely. He seemed nervous, despite playing beautifully. This also wasn't the guy I met the other night. I wondered what was happening.

I quickly ran through backstage to get to Sam's side, waiting until he noticed me. It wasn't until the end of their second song that he finally looked over, his eyes getting wider. I flashed him a smile and a thumbs up, nodding at him. He eventually smiled, shaking his head, looking back down at his feet and continued to play. Part of me wondered if his hand was bothering him and he didn't want to tell anyone. I'd have to ask him about it later.

I spent the rest of their set on Sam's side, wanting to make sure he was okay. Thankfully he didn't miss a beat the entire show. So at least whatever was going on with him didn't effect his playing.

For their first night playing a venue this big, they did amazing. I backed up further into the wings as the lights came back up and the crowd cheered. I was proud of them. They would be just fine. They waved and took their bows and ran off into the wings.

"That was awesome!" I yelled over the continued cheering. Sam smiled down at me, still out of breath, running his fingers through his hair. I hadn't really noticed their outfits before they went on, but they wore heavily detailed bedazzled jackets and dress pants, Sam insisting on not wearing his shoes. I didn't question it. We all had our own little things as performers.

"Thanks for watching." He said, reaching over and grabbing one of the water bottles on a nearby table. He took a huge sip, and then offered it to me.
"Of course, but I knew you'd be great." He bit his lip, his smile growing. "You.. seemed a little off though, everything okay?" I asked. His face dropped a little, but he quickly shook it off.

"Oh, um.. yeah. I'm fine. Just.. first night nerves, I guess. I'll be better tomorrow." He said, forcing a smile. I sighed, nodding. Whatever it was, he didn't want to tell me. I reached out, admiring his jacket.
"Well, this is beautiful. You guys sure have an eye for fashion." He twirled around, showing it off.
"We do appreciate nice detail." He said, almost making fun of himself. Looking over, I saw the rest of the guys make their way from the other side of the stage. Jake ran over, beaming from ear to ear.

"So what'd you think?" He said to me, putting his hands on his hips. "Was that good enough for ya?" I laughed, nodding.
"That was great." I said, smiling back at him. He smirked, almost looking me up and down. I felt my cheeks burn and shot him a look. He quickly looked away, giggling to himself.

"I think I'm gonna head back to the dressing room." Sam said sternly, pushing past. My stomach dropped. I looked around at the rest of the guys, but they seemed just as confused. 
"Was he okay?" I asked. Jake shrugged.
"He.. seemed fine out there to me." He said. "I don't know what his deal is." 

I wondered if he was catching on about Jake. My heart started to beat faster. I don't know why it bothered me so much to think about Sam knowing about us. Him and I were friends, if anything, we should be able to talk about stuff like this. I thought if anything he would have been the most supportive. Even happy for me.

"I'm.. I'm gonna go check on him." I said, pushing past the guys now trying to catch up to Sam as he made his way down the hallway. I underestimated just how fast he could be.

"Hey!" I called out. He stopped to look back.
"Oh.. hey.. what are you doing back here? Aren't you on soon?"
"I've got a little time." I sighed. "Are.. are you sure you're okay? You really just don't seem like yourself tonight." He bit down on his lip, staring back at me.

"I.. It's nothing." He said quietly, turning around and making his way back towards the dressing room.
"Sam.." I said, following closely. "I.. we're friends.. we can talk to each other." I heard him loudly sigh before getting to the door, turning to face me. He hesitated.
"Are you seeing Jake?" He finally asked. My stomach dropped. This is exactly what I was afraid of.

"W-why do you ask?" He shook his head, looking away. 
"So that's a yes." He said quietly. I bit down on my lip, unsure of what to say at this point.
"I'm not seeing him." I finally said, looking down.
"Well, then what is it? I thought you were with Don. You told me, you can't be with anyone else. Because you're stuck with him. I'm the one who punched him, for you. I'm the one who defended you. So.. why are you sneaking around with Jake?" 

I could feel my heart racing. Why was he suddenly getting so upset? What did him doing those things have to do with anything?

"Sam, what are you asking me?" I said quietly, looking up at him. He stared back at me, his eyes sad. I could tell his mind was racing a mile a minute. He eventually shook his head, opening the door of the dressing room and went inside.
"Nothing." I heard him say. I followed closely before he could shut the door.
"Then why are you suddenly so mad at me about Jake? I thought.. I thought you might even be happy for me? You had even said you'd talk to him for me. But it just seems like.." 

I stopped as he turned around, now leaning up against the counter. He placed both hands down on either side of him, and stared back at me. He was still sweaty from the show, his lightly dampened hair messily falling into his face. There was just something about his eyes that made me lose focus. If he stared into my eyes just long enough I'm sure I could forget my own name.

"You know what, I am.. I am happy for you." He sternly, finally breaking the stare.
"You are." I snapped, now confused. "Really?"
"Yeah.. if.. if that's what you want, then great." I felt like I was going to be sick.

What if that wasn't what I wanted? What if what I wanted was standing right in front of me, but he was too blind to see it?

"So you're fine with this." I said, crossing my arms. He glared back up at me, nodding.
"Yeah. If this is what you want." He said again. My heart was racing. I could feel my face getting hot. The last thing I wanted to do was fight with him, of all people. I felt tears start to come to my eyes, and there definitely wasn't enough time to fix my makeup before my set.

He noticed.

His face dropped, and he made his way over to me.
"Juliette.." He whispered, very gently touching under my eye to catch what tears had fell. "I just want you to be happy. And if Jake makes you happy.. then.. I guess your secret is safe with me." 

I sighed, looking up at him, my heart beating faster the longer he stared back into my eyes. All he wanted was for me to have what I wanted, but all I wanted was for him to tell me that he wanted me.