The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 44: Figure It Out

"Thank you! Goodnight!" I called out as the stage slowly descended, and soon enough the roaring crowd was sealed off above me, leaving a subtle, satisfying ringing in my ears.

And yet the whole time, I was thinking about him.

I frantically looked around, wanting nothing but the feeling of him holding me again, assuring me of how well I did. Suddenly, his approval was the only one that mattered.

Then like clockwork, there were arms coming at me, grabbing me in every which way, beginning the deconstruct just like they did every night. But tonight I felt different, my head starting to spin, my heart beating faster, my breath now getting caught in my throat. My once safe space began to feel frantic and crowded.

I needed him.
Where was he?
He said he would be here.

Amy noticed.
"Alright! Back off!" She shouted, pulling off the last of my costume and covering me with a thick sweater, zipping it up before moving away. I breathed deeply, looking around as everything started to blur, until finally.. I saw him.

He and Josh were standing back towards the doors, I'm sure unable to get any closer because of such strict security. I motioned towards him to Amy, trying my best to focus on just being able to breath. She nodded, quickly going over and grabbing his hand, pulling him through the crowd of people and over towards me.

"Juliette, are you-" I instantly grabbed onto his jacket, pulling him into a tight hug, breathing in deeply, hiding my face in his neck. Slowly but surely I could feel my heart rate begin to slow down and a familiar sense of peace overcome me. I then felt his hand on the back of my head, pulling me in closer, squeezing me tighter.
"Are you okay?" He whispered to me. I managed to nod, letting out a deep sigh.
"I am now."
"You were amazing." He said. I could hear the smile in his voice now. It was contagious.
"Thank you." I giggled, still clutching him tightly.

"Alright, let them through." Amy snapped, practically pushing people out of the way, creating a path for the two of us to quickly escape the chaos of backstage and make our way down the hall towards the dressing rooms.

"You make me feel so important." He joked, his hand moving down to mine, tightly intertwining our fingers.
"You are important." I sighed. "And.. we're gonna have to have a pass made up for you. I need you there. I need you to be.. wherever I am." He nodded, peeking back down at me with a smirk.
"I'd like that." He said, leaning down, kissing the top of my head. I cuddled closer, unable to contain my giddy grin.

As we reached my dressing room, he led us in, guiding me in first, and shutting and locking the door behind us.
"I see you're already learning the routine." I laughed, going over and sitting down on the couch, admiring him as he made his way over, sitting down close to me. I cuddled closer as he wrapped his arm around me.

"So, you really think I was good?" I asked, placing my hand on his chest. His eyes instantly lit up, biting down on his lip, nodding enthusiastically.
"You're incredible, Julia." He sighed, reaching up, gently running his fingers through my hair, pulling me in closer. My eyes moved down to his lips, leaning in further.
"Really?" I teased. He nodded, finally leaning into a gentle kiss.
"Really." He sighed, staring back at me with dazed eyes; those beautiful eyes, those mesmerizing, enchanting, hypnotizing-

"Julia, before you went on, um.. did you.. I mean.. w-what did you want to say?" He asked. My stomach dropped.

Oh, it was nothing.
Just that I love you.

"What.. what do you mean?" I asked, stalling as much as I could. I had gotten caught up in the moment. It was way too early to say that to him, especially considering the situation. This was confusing enough for him, I didn't want to make it any more difficult than it needed to be. Not for him. He didn't deserve that. He deserved to be loved so fully, and.. I wanted to be the one to give that to him, but.. when it was time.

"You just.. you seemed like you wanted to say something. I just.. I wanted to know-"
"Oh, um.. n-no, it was nothing. I.. I don't.. I don't remember. It's okay." I said, forcing a smile. He hesitated for a moment, holding his stare on me before eventually nodding.
"O-oh. Okay." He said softly, his eyes moving back down to my lips. But I could tell he wasn't convinced.

"Hey, um.." I said, now trying my best to change the subject. "I.. I want to talk to you about something." I could feel his demeanor change. I shook my head, giving him a gentle smile.
"No, it's good, don't worry." I giggled, shaking my head. He sighed, his face now relaxing into his familiar loving grin.
"Okay, what is it?"
"So, um.. the Grammy's are coming up." I started. I could see his eyes light up, his smile growing.
"Oh, are you nominated?!" He asked eagerly, pushing himself up. I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm, getting excited over just the idea of even potentially being nominated.

"Well, m-maybe. Don.. kinda made it seem like.. he knew that I was going to be nominated, but.. well, you really don't know until you know, right?" He nodded, holding his stare on me, eager for more.
"So, I was wondering.. if you.. would be my date." I finally managed. He flashed my a toothy grin.
"You.. you want me?" He asked. "But-"
"Technically Don would be my "date," we'd walk the carpet together, you know.. for publicity but.. between the two of us, you would be my date. I.. I really want you there. I.. I feel.. so much better with you around, and I know I'm gonna be a nervous wreck but.. I don't know, you make me feel like I can do anything, and if I had you-" He cut me off, pulling me into a passionate kiss. My heart jumped, my body feeling like it was about to combust into a raging fire of adoration and love.

He made me feel.. so loved.
I had never felt so loved.

"I would love to be your date." He whispered, moving away, leaning his forehead against mine. "Even if.. we're the only two who know it." I shook my head, giggling to myself as I pulled him back into a series of playful kisses, each lingering longer and that much more needier than the next.
"Thank you." I sighed. He shook his head, gently caressing my face as his eyes studied every inch of it. How lucky I was to be looked upon so earnestly, so graciously. How he managed to make me feel so tenacious and yet so delicate, I was forever indebted to.

"You don't have to thank me, Julia, I-" He stopped himself, smirking back at me.
"What?" I asked. He bit down on his lip, eventually shaking his head, leaning into another long kiss.
"N-nothing, I.. you don't have to thank me. I.. I want to be there for you. I'm.. I'm so happy for you. You deserve it." I shrugged, avoiding his eyes.
"Well, it's not guaranteed, I just-"
"You deserve it." He assured me, tilting my chin back up to face him. "No one can do what you do, Julia. If anyone deserves this, it's you. You are.. the most talented woman I know, and.. if I could be there by your side-"

"Well, I.. I mean, I don't know.. how that would work. They would probably put us in the front row, you know.. with the cameras and.." His face dropped.
"I.. I wouldn't sit with you?" He asked, his voice dropping.
"I want you to. I just.. I don't know how.. I mean.." He nodded, looking away again. I could tell he was hurt. And the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, especially when his opinion was the only one that truly mattered to me anymore.

"I'll.. I'll make sure you have a seat." I finally said. "Next to me. Or.. I won't go." He instantly looked back up at me, his eyes wide.
"You.. you will?" He asked. I nodded, moving in closer, gently caressing his face.
"I will. I want you there. And.. I want you there with me." His smile grew, leaning in closer.
"But.. h-how will you explain-"
"We'll figure it out." I said, pulling him into a passionate kiss.

Whatever it took to have him, I would figure it out.