The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 69: Real Love

The warmth of the liquor instantly took over, fueling our bodies in a sense of frivolous disregard for the world around us. Never have I ever felt so free, entirely invisible to everyone but him, the only one I wanted to be looked upon with such desire for as long as I lived.

He took my hand, guiding me through the parking lot and opening the door to his truck, carefully helping me up and into my seat, but not before leaving my starving lips with a taste of what was to come, his needy hands finding their way into my hair, his kisses coating me in reminders of why I was willingly leaving the life I had once known behind.

Reluctantly, he pulled away, flashing me a flustered grin before carefully shutting the door behind me and making his way around to the driver's side.
"Now, don't worry, it's not too far away." He said cheerfully, reaching over for my hand, tightly intertwining our fingers. I nodded, squeezing his hand tighter as I brought them both over onto my lap, gently brushing my thumb across his palm.

As we drove through town, he made sure to point out everything along the way, assuring I didn't miss a single moment, from where he first learned to ride a bike, to where he had his first kiss. The latter left me with a slight pang of jealousy. He could tell.

"It wasn't that big of a deal though." He said nonchalantly, almost shrugging it off as he kept his eyes forward. "You know how it is." I nodded, forcing a smile, despite the fact that I didn't know at all how it was, having never gone to a real high school before. He picked up on my sudden lack of enthusiasm.

"Julia.." He said, his voice now much softer. I looked over at him, but he kept his eyes forward.
"Yeah?" He gave my hand a tight squeeze.
"Do you ever think about.. how I ruined our first kiss?" My heart sunk. I shook my head.
"Never." I said simply. He nodded, a gentle smile now spreading across his lips.

"I do." He sighed.
"Well, I don't want you to. I.. I loved our first kiss. Even if I ran away." I laughed, feeling my cheeks burn. His smile grew, now peeking over at me.
"You did run away." He playfully groaned.
"You just.. you took me by surprise, that's all, but.. I loved it. I'm glad that you were brave enough to do it first because.. I don't think I ever could've." His eyes lit up.
"Really?" I nodded, now avoiding his eyes.

And then as he pulled into the parking lot, I could feel the nerves take over, every ounce of liquid courage that had once coursed through my veins disintegrating into anxious anticipation of what waited for me on the other side of that door.

He pulled into his parking spot, and turned off the ignition, now leaving us in a restless silence, neither wanting to be the one to initiate too earnestly, but both obviously eager to take the leap.

"So.." He finally said. "You wanna go in?" I nodded, trying my best to hide my flustered grin. He got out, slowly making his way around before opening the passenger door, holding his hand out for me. I took it, leaning into him as I hopped down, instantly intertwining our fingers and following him closely as he lead us up the walkway to his front door.

"Now, it may be a little messy, I wasn't exactly expecting company before I left for the tour, but.. it shouldn't be too bad." He said, fidgeting with his keys before finally finding the one and maneuvering it into the lock. As we made our way inside, he flipped on the lights to show a perfectly clean kitchen. Empty counter tops aside from the matching salt and pepper shakers, a half melted candle with the very faint scent of it's inviting vanilla still lingering in the air, and a cozy little dining room table with room for two at the center of it all.

He moved out of the way, leaning back against the counter, watching me as I wandered around, admiring each and every detail.

"So, do you want the tour?" He asked, giggling to himself, I'm sure only half joking. Finally, I brought my attention back to him, feeling my heart jump at my sudden rush of bravery.
"How about just your room?" I asked. He held his stare on me, trying his best to maintain composure while giving me a subtle nod, reaching his hand out for me. I took it, following him closely as he lead us through his living room and down the hall, passing one other bedroom and a bathroom before eventually stopping at the furthest door. He hesitated for a moment before turning the knob and leading me inside, shutting the door behind us.

For the first time, him and I were completely alone.

No risk of wandering ears on the other sides of walls much to thin, no one with spare keys to doors wanting nothing more than to remain locked, even just for a few more minutes, long enough to pretend like those on the other side could dream of one day feeling somewhat normal. But most importantly, no possibility of past lovers who would do anything to prevent our hearts from ever loving another again.

But now here we were.
And we could be whoever we wanted to be.
And all I wanted to be was his.

"So.. this is it." He muttered, leaning back against his door, giving me space to wander, as if assessing the situation. I cautiously made my way around, admiring the old guitars that hung on his wall, the books and papers that gathered on his desk, and eventually the journal that sat on his nightstand. I averted my eyes, knowing that wasn't meant for anyone else, let alone me.

I eventually kicked off my shoes, hanging my jacket and my bag on one of his bedposts before crawling up and making myself comfortable. His face finally relaxed into a gentle smile as he did the same, but still leaving a respectful distance.

Little did he know I wanted as little distance between us as possible.

I moved in closer to him, feeling my heart starting to beat faster as his eyes moved down to my lips. Before I could lean in any further, he stopped me.
"Julia.." He sighed. "With us.. sneaking around like this, do you.. I mean, well.. do you consider us.. or.. I guess me-"
"What are you trying to say?" I asked, now giggling to myself. He was always so cute when he got scrambled with his words. But even still, the last thing I wanted to do was talk.

"Do you consider me the guy you're cheating with?" He finally asked. "Since.. well, technically you're still with-"
"Actually." I laughed, cutting him off. "That's what I consider him. I'm your's." His eyes instantly lit up, giving me a gentle smile as he reached over, now caressing my face.
"Yeah, but.. for how long?"
"For as long as you want me." I sighed, leaning my forehead against his.
"Then you better get used to the idea of marrying me." He laughed, but my heart damn near exploded.

"Jake.." I said softly, trying my best to contain my excitement. I could tell that's what he needed from me, and without it, we wouldn't be going any further tonight.
"Too much?" He giggled to himself. I shook my head, pulling him into a long kiss. He kissed me back, but still I felt his resistance.

"Jake.." I said again, suddenly feeling another rush of nerves take over me. As badly as I wanted him to be the one to say it first, he deserved this from me, and now was the time.

"You know, for a long time, my life had been completely laid out for me, and.. really all I ever had to do was just.. show up. It was simple; every day the same, my life meshing together into this.. indistinguishable blur, and for a long time, I was okay with that, because I thought that's all life could ever be, I thought.. that's all I could ever be, and then.. something changed."

He stared back at me, as if finally registering what was happening.
"W-what changed?" He asked.
"I met you. And suddenly, life had new meaning. You've shown me that.. I am so much more than this. That.. I belong to myself before the rest of the world, and that.. I have a say in everything I do. Because.. this is my life, but.. but then.." I said, my voice now trailing off, my heart feeling like it was going to beat out of my chest.

But I guess there was no better time, knowing that he would always be the one to catch it.

"But then what?"
"But then.. I.. I fell in love with you. And suddenly I didn't want it to just be my life anymore, I wanted to share it with you, because.. what is this life without love, right? Real love, not what everyone has seen in the magazines or on tv.. but.. what we have. That's.. that's real love, right? Because I've been trying, and.. I just.. I really don't think there's any other word for it. I.. I love you, Jake."

He held his stare on me, his silence deafening while my heartbeat echoed in my ears. I felt like I was suffocating, needing something, anything from him. I had never felt like this before, like at any moment the floor could be ripped right out from underneath me, leaving me to tumble and crash, only to be left shattered in a million pieces by the one person I trusted to never break me.

And then his lips curled into a gentle smile as he pulled me into a passionate kiss, and in that kiss I felt everything. I clung to him, kissing him back harder, knowing that no matter what he said, I was completely his and I always would be.

Finally, he moved away, letting out a deep sigh, unable to contain his beaming grin.
"I love you, Julia."