Ascension - Book Eight - Man x Man

Chapter 55

Verando's voice in the background soothes the ache, I shut my eyes, listening to the sound of his voice as he coaches Helen through the potential of her vocal range. It was never what I envisioned him doing, yet he'd fallen into place in the profession so seamlessly. I couldn't help but wonder if he was just a better survivor than I was, it was what we had to do to make money in this time, and he was happy to do whatever it took to keep us comfortable.

Sitting on the edge of the stage, I attempt to sort through the whirlwind of emotions threatening to drown me in fantasies of what could be. I place my hand over my stomach, trying to envision what that might feel like, willing some sort of magic to allow me this ability. Life had taken so much from me, wasn't I due a gift? It feels selfish to hope, ridiculous even. If I could be granted one wish, it should be that my family was safe.

Steffan had taken the boys home, while I'd hoped the emotions I was feeling would go with him, there was still a part of me that clung on to that glimmer of insanity. Was it wrong to desire such a thing? We had two beautiful children and a lifetime of problems, it felt thoughtless to want more, especially something that was impossible. Wasted energy, pushing me further into whatever depravity my wolf was concocting. 

Something that could potentially be dangerous, that would in no way fit into our lives. Yet I think of Soli, round and pregnant, and my heart throbs. Pressing my nose into my sleeve, I've stolen another one of his shirts and it soothes the ache.

My wolf had been insistent. I couldn't be more than ten feet from the man, the desire to shift, to hunt, to partake in my desires, all laid out on a frantic wheel spinning out of control. At any moment the pointer would land on one emotion and it was all I could think about, the strongest being my desire to have him in any way that I could. 

With Caspian sitting so close, for we couldn't leave him at home, my wolf was more vocal about keeping my body firmly in between the two. The echo of our heartbeats thrummed in my ears, threatening to sully the beautiful singing of my husband off the theatre walls. I wish I could pick and choose what my lycan side found interesting. 

The wet beat of their hearts nearly made my mouth water, I was starving.

Kicking my feet back and forth quietly, it was a shred of innocence that brought my raging mind some peace, if only for a moment. I remember doing the same off the dock as my father spoke with the various merchants about our goods. I remember waiting so patiently because if I was good, I would get a reward in the form of a trinket or sweet treat, I'd spent long hours staring at my shoes during those meetings.

They weren't meant for me, they were meant to teach my brothers how to run our country.

"This feels like a massive waste of time." Caspian grumbles, fidgeting with the wrap placed around what remained of his forearm. Every time I saw it, it was a thrilling reminder of just how dangerous Verando could be. "I thought we were going to retrieve Echo? Why are we giving dance lessons?"

I wasn't prepared for Caspian to speak as if we were on some sort of level ground in which he had any right to ask questions. Randy and Cas sit at my feet, playing some form of cards. The rules appear to be made up for I don't recognize any of the moves. It wasn't as if I was proficient in street games, but Verando had attempted to teach me from time to time. 

"Why don't you think about growing that arm back? Or get better at cards. Gods, you're hardly a challenge." Randy yawns, tossing the hand full of cards down to flop back onto his back. "I'm grateful for the downtime but this is pretty boring. Why are we here?"

"Well when we act like children, we get treated as such." I remind him, irritated. I would much rather be alone with my husband, not babysitting. "The tour has to keep up the momentum."