Ascension - Book Eight - Man x Man

Chapter 91

"Come to bed with me?" I plead, earning a frustrated sigh as I press my cheek into his back. The intoxicating scent of him was so alluring, the way I could feel his body wanting to respond to mine. Despite the greed that it took to hold him this way, it was reassurance that he did still want me. I could hear his heart racing, and feel the connection between us like a beacon. 

 Despite how upset with me he was, despite how much we had to work through, it felt so undeniably good to be close to him. As if a hole in my chest was filled, the missing piece of my puzzle reconnected. 

"I don't want sex, I-." I was being selfish again, what he needed was space from me, I was too busy hunting my own satisfaction to see it. Sliding my hands off of him, he relaxes just slightly as I take a step back. "You need time."

"I need time," he responds slowly. "I need you to not touch me without my permission." Our wolves were starved for each other, but he was hurting and that was reason enough to keep distance between us. 

Nodding, I gesture to the bedroom as I cross my arms over my chest. "I understand and I won't do it again. I'm going to learn to control this part of me, I promise." The part that was starved for him, the bit of me that wanted to ravage him every time I was close to him. It would seem the only cure would be exposure therapy, I had to get used to it, and I had to learn to accept rejection without taking it so personally. "Why don't you go to bed? I'll sleep with the kids."

Agonizing over his expression, he watches me with so much reluctance. It was the only peace I gained from any of this, he did still love me or he wouldn't want to be here. This was hard for him, too. "I don't like this either." He murmurs, hesitating, refusing to allow himself to touch me. 

I had to keep believing that that would help us find an end to this. Patience was something I hadn't had to practice much of, now seemed like a good time to develop a taste for it. "It's ok, take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."

"I need to hear you say that." He responds, the distress in his tone was enough to threaten to break me. 

I was thankful for the children, though Darrius got up shortly after to go be with his Daddy. Xaiver was happy to cuddle with me and I inhaled the sweet scent of the younger boy for most of the night, giving my wolf a dose of painkiller with one part of my fractured pack. Xaiver smelt the most like Verando, a small reprieve from the loneliness I felt being separated from him.

Come morning, I return the shirt to his clothes, knowing that if he wanted some of my scent he could find it there or he could wash it and be done with it. It was a peace offering of sorts, an apology for attempting to step back into a relationship that was muddy at best. The constant swirl of emotion put me on a war path to dress and make breakfast before my warlord woke up, small acts of kindness would be a good first step.

Working on making breakfast, I ponder to myself what we could possibly engage in that would show him how much he meant to me but I continued to come up blank. 

Verando cared for few things, I and the children topped that list, perhaps the kindest thing I could do was continue on just as he had when I was a shell of myself. Existing in the same space, letting us feed off each other in the sense that our wolves might retain their sanity while we figured this out. There were so few mated pairs of lycans, it would seem with the lack of females, Lycan's tended to prefer those of other species for mates rather than their own kind. 

Perhaps a way to expand the bloodlines. We hadn't met but a few other bonded souls like us, it was uncharted territory, to say the least. I found myself quietly dreading another heat cycle, uncertain of when that would decide to spring up.

Every time he crossed my mind, it was a painful shock to my soul, causing an ache in my chest to seek him out and grovel for forgiveness. 

As I pull the biscuits out of the oven, Verando steps out of the bedroom, dressed in a simple dark long-sleeve shirt, pulled down into a short V that exposed the center of his collar bone, and cargo-type pants. I swallow at the way the shirt clung to his chest, the near mouth-watering masculinity that poured out of the man as he spoke quietly into his phone.