Ascension - Book Eight - Man x Man

Chapter 89

Vile after vile of blood is pulled as I sit in the bed in my room, numb to the strange feeling of the IV being placed into the other arm. It wasn't something that bothered me, a dull prick compared to the various other ailments and injuries I'd had. 

"So you slept with his younger self...?" Adriam prys, earning a look of shock from me at the bluntness of his intrusion. Rolling his eyes, he scoffs, "I was eavesdropping. What do you want from me? I'm worried about you two."

"Yes. It was an urge that I struggled to deny, the first time was due to the siren song but this time, it was just something I desperately wanted to do. Verando is not keen on me having him in the way my wolf desires him, he doesn't want to submit, so being with a version of him that wanted me in any way he could have me was a temptation that I, unfortunately, threw myself into." Disgusted with myself all over again, I cross my legs on the bed as the nurse hands me another bowl of oatmeal since I'd succeeded in keeping the first one down. 

"He's never going to forgive me."

Adriam rolls his eyes, "He just told you he already did, this is just part of it, honey. You've just got to work on things, show him how much he means to you, and rekindle your bond. I think about that day you came to us often, he looked at you then with so much trust, I wasn't surprised when we stormed the castle and saw that he kept you alive. Interesting that you erased only his memory."

"I wanted Caspian to suffer." I was unapologetic. "Caspian caused him so much pain, I know he wanted to be good but he wasn't, and wanting to be isn't a good excuse for all the abuse."

Adriam doesn't argue back with me, loading up the viles into a tray as he writes down what they're all for. "Lay back." 

I do as I'm told as he pushes my shirt up, palpating my stomach with his warm hands. "The wolf makes people do ridiculous things, it's been a hard adjustment for all of us, it's just good to know you're a permanent part of the family. I had argued with him constantly we needed to find a way to change you if he was going to keep you around before you both disappeared. You've been good for him, give yourself some credit."

Running a hand through my hair as I try and relax, Adam puts the gel on my stomach, taking the probe and placing it carefully as he watches the screen. "I know we didn't always get along, but I really missed you, Adam. I.. don't.. know if I'm allowed to tell you this but I was the one who originally killed you." 

Hesitating, he nods. "I know. Do you not remember that you still tried? I just lay there, watching everyone leave, as if they didn't realize that I was alive. Then Victor came in and took me away, he explained best he could that this was the closest he'd been able to get to me after I saved him. I'd wondered why he vanished but assumed since I couldn't even think about him, that it was part of what you'd explained to me. It would seem the timeline must stay true to itself in some instances."

It would make sense, my memories hadn't changed much though the human ones were muddied compared to what I'd experienced as a lycan. "This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel unhinged, Verando does his best to be understanding but I'm torn between how little progress I'm making and yet how in control I can be when I insist it upon myself. My emotions are all over the place."

Pulling his eyebrows together, he moves the probe, taking long calm breaths. The warm gel compared to the cold machine was an odd sensation and I wriggle my toes anxiously. "The rest of us have been living with this for a long longer than you have, do you not remember how unhinged Alpha was? Nobody is upset with you for lack of control, I think it's because it was him that he's so upset." Frowning, he moves over the same spot a few times, I find myself wishing I could see what he was seeing. 

"I wouldn't of done it with anyone else. Frankly... I didn't think he would care. But now, I see what that was just a ridiculous thought considering who the man is. It was so damned selfish."