Whispers Of False Promises » bangchan [indefinite hiatus]

episode 7: the first evaluation

I spent the next four weeks trying to catch a glimpse of Chan. 

I didn't ignore my practice sessions, nor did I avoid my responsibilities, but every time I walked out of Room 4, I longingly hoped to see him again, and my gaze would pointlessly search for him everywhere in the long hallway. I would inconspicuously look around while Hee-yeol and Hyeon-ju talked, pretending to listen to their childish banter, and sigh in defeat. Because I never saw him in those hallways. 

"Hey, Kaira?" Hyeon-ju's voice woke me up, "Where are you lost?" 

"Oh, sorry," I blinked, inviting myself back into reality.

"We've got no time to be lost today, Kaira," she calmly explained, "Today's the evaluation day. Park Jinyoung is going to judge us based on our progress." 

"Yeah!" Hee-yeol spoke, "And I still don't understand how to place the percussion here." 

"Wait, I'll help," I lend him a hand with the production of his track, knowing that I was already done with mine. 

Hyeon-ju sighed, "I just hope it goes well..."

--- 

"It went so well!" Hyeon-ju exclaimed, walking out of the chamber where Jinyoung was sitting along with a few other people to judge us, one by one. I hadn't been inside, so I did not know what the panel members were like. 

"It did?" I asked, smiling widely, "Congratulations!" 

"Hell yeah!" Hee-yeol spoke, "My evaluation went well, too. Yo, what if we debut soon?!" 

"Depends on what you're debuting as," Hyeon-ju explained, turning down her excitement a few notches, "If you wanna debut as an idol, you'll need to train longer for singing and dancing, too. I just wanna debut as a producer, and that's done by being allotted to a new group... and judging by today's evaluation, I think this would be the last one!" 

"Fingers crossed!" I giggled, and she hugged me, both of us jumping on the spot, "Can't believe we're so close to accomplishing our dreams!" 

"Yes!" we parted, and she heavily breathed as she kept a hand on my shoulder, "You're up next! All the best, Kaira!" 

"Fighting!" Hee-yeol raised his fists in the air, and I copied his motion, smiling uncontrollably wide, and I picked up my laptop and waited for my name to be announced. 

"Lee Kaira!" 

"BEST OF LUCK!" Hyeon-ju cheered for me as I geared up to walk into the room before me, and I showed her a thumbs-up before turning toward the room, breathing in and out, and opening the door. I walked into the room, my eyes gazing around to familiarize myself with the surroundings.

And I never imagined that I would see him there. 

Bang Chan sat behind the desk with Park Jinyoung, a warm, friendly smile etched across his face, and I froze right in my tracks. He was clad in a comfortable-looking oversized blue sweater, and his black hair were straightened and combed down. His lips -- those plump, inviting lips -- were stretched in a small smile, and moving those to speak to me, I heard him say, "Welcome, Lee Kaira." 

My name had never sounded so beautiful ever before. 

"O-Oh, uh, hello!" I tore my gaze away from the man I had been so lovelorn for, for years now, and cleared my throat, dragging my feet -- which suddenly seemed so heavy -- toward the table I was supposed to place my laptop and music system on. 

"It's your first evaluation, isn't it?" Jinyoung asked, and I anxiously nodded, setting up my devices on the desk, "Yes, sir." 

"The first few tasks included composing a self-produced track, and to give the newest batch of prod trainees some good guidance, we have a member of 3RACHA present here," Jinyoung grinned at Chan, who chuckled; the melody of his little chortle sounded unbelievably musical to me. I could compose a track based just on his little chuckles and giggles, I reckoned, but now was not the time to be swooning over the love of my life himself. I needed to control myself. 

Jinyoung continued, "You know Bang Chan, right?" 

"O-Of course, sir!" I eagerly nodded, feeling my anxiety catching up on me and spreading like wildfire across my body, paralyzing my feet and causing my hands to tremble. 

"Well," Chan smiled that dimpled, creased-eyed grin, and I was begging my insides to focus on my laptop instead; he continued, "Let's see what you've made, Kaira." 

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, and with a quick nod, I played my track. It began with percussions and descended into the thumps of bass, and my feet tapped along with the beat as I stood behind the desk, turning up the keys and mixing variations. 

However, all of a sudden, my laptop glitched, and the music stopped. 

"No, no no no," I whispered to myself, checking what had gone wrong. Yet, no matter how many times I checked the issue and troubleshot it, the music did not sound again. Instead, the laptop crashed, and the screen faded into black.

"Oh, god!" I cried lowly, hoping the cry wouldn't reach Jinyoung and Chan, but the CEO probably heard it, and he sighed. 

"Alright, I think we're done for the day," Jinyoung stood up, exhaling, "I'll listen to your track next month, Lee Kaira. Until then... use better software, please." 

"Sir, I'm so sorry-" he wouldn't wait. He simply walked off, leaving behind a regretful me and a sympathetic Bang Chan.

"God!" I cried, actual tears falling from my eyes upon committing a massive blunder in my very first evaluation. I stood on my spot, head hung low and letting tears escape my eyes. My vision was hazy, clouded with unspilled tears and fragments of broken dreams. My hands trembled, and I had to breathe heavily to compose myself before I completely broke down before Bang Chan. 

I was aware of how ridiculous I seemed, crying profusely over a bad evaluation, but to me, it was a chance to get closer to pursuing my passion which I just lost. I was also aware of how Chan was watching me weep, and how he frowned deeply as he watched me. 

"I'm-I'm sorry," I spoke to him, sniffling, "I might sound pathetic right now, but-"

"Hey, hey, relax," he walked over to me, and I stopped breathing for a moment. He was standing two feet away from me now, and I could only stare at his shoes. 

I could never meet his gaze. I was scared to look into those glimmering eyes, because I knew that if I did, I would drown in them endlessly and never see the sun again. But it was all I have ever wanted; the bright, shining sun could never compare to the twinkle in those eyes. Never. 

"I know that it must seem hard right now," Chan spoke, "Because that could have been embarrassing, but hey, we all have those days, those moments. I have faced such issues as well, but at the end of the day, all that matters is that you tried, and you tried your best. So cheer up, you'll definitely do much better in the next evaluation!"

I looked up at him, still not matching his eyes, but I could hear the zeal in his tone of voice. And I suddenly felt motivated to work twice as hard. 

"Thank you..." I meekly spoke out, and he smiled warmly, "You can ask me for help anytime, yeah?" 

I nodded, wiping my tears off with the back of my sleeve. 

"I'll see you around, then, Kaira. I wish you all the best!" 

He was then gone, and for the first time, I realized that love can also empower, strengthen me, instead of just leaving me lovelorn. 

(a/n: i have decided on something for this book, but it's too early to tell you guys that. but ahhhhhh i have a great ideaaaaaaa~~ 

i actually also have a lot of ideas for the romance, but we're too early for that too T_T 

how was thisssss?

thanks for reading! i love you!)