Whispers Of False Promises » bangchan [indefinite hiatus]

episode 21: beyond him, nothing, no one

Talking to Bang Chan, thereafter, became something I did on a daily basis. 

He would visit my studio at least once a day, and by now, Hyeon-ju and Hee-yeol had also gotten comfortable with him. Well, it had taken them just about half a week to "adopt" Chan into our group of music producers, when it should have been the opposite, but anything for my people, if they were happy. 

And the two had clearly gotten the hints how I could not sit the same way, act the same way, or breathe the same way around Chan, and every now and then, they would drop a vague comment about that before Chan. 

"You know, hyung, Kaira texts a lot these days. I wonder who she's always on the phone with." 

 "Kaira is usually not this cheery. Hm, what's this sudden change?" 

And every time Chan would go away, I would groan and scold these two -- who would not take it seriously. It was like a happy little family I had built out of the hands of fate, and perhaps -- just perhaps -- because of that one dream I had with Eunji. 

With each passing day, I think about her words, which live so fresh in my memory, and everything connects. Everything makes sense. Everything is exactly how I pictured it would be before that dream occurred. Everything is how I wanted it to be like, placed carefully into their molds as I had concurred with my delusions. And it was terrifying. 

Terrifying, because if that dream was something that was guiding my life, then I knew it would end with me coming back to my old life, with no memories of this time, once one of us passed away, just as Eunji had warned me. And it scared me to no end. 

But I wanted to live in this moment. I wanted to relish each and every ounce of love I got, each and every chance I could find to fulfill my dreams, each and every second I shared with Chan. Because beyond him, there was nothing, no one. 

His hand waved in front of me, "Stara? You seem lost." 

I blinked, seizing myself from the whirlpool of my thoughts and throwing myself back into the present, "Huh?" 

"She often does that," Hyeon-ju sighed, "It's hard to keep her contained in a conversation." 

"Well, I'm sorry for thinking?" I raised a brow. 

"Overthinking," Hee-yeol corrected me sassily. 

"We were just discussing about your debut," Chan spoke, "It's in two months, right?" 

"As of now, yes," I nodded. 

"Damn, I still remember her first day here," Hyeon-ju pretended to be an old mom, wiping off imaginary tears, "She was so lost and confused. Now, she's gonna debut! Ah, I'm so proud!" 

"Stop," I giggled, and Chan and Hee-yeol laughed at Hyeon-ju's antics. 

"I'm glad one of us is debuting soon, though," Hee-yeol spoke, "It's finally happening." 

"That's right," Chan added, and directed his gaze toward me, his eyes penetrating into mine, "And I'm unbelievably proud of Kaira." 

I gulped, and let the thought sink in; he was proud of me. 

It made me want to cry out of happiness, fidget in giddiness, and revel in joyfulness. It felt like a taste of heaven -- because never in my sane mind would I have thought of Bang Chan being proud of me. 

Hyeon-ju coughed, and I realized that Chan and I had fallen quiet, staring into each other's eyes. I averted my eyes quickly, and the faintest hue of red covered Chan's face, too. And I was beginning to observe that perhaps, Chan, out of all people in the world, was starting to like me romantically. 

Such a narcissistic thought, because why would he ever like me like that? But call it a sixth sense or the benefit of the doubt, but I could notice him being touchy with me (with consent, of course), or fondly gazing at me, or even leaving traces of flirting here and there. And it made me feel like I was floating in a dream, seeing things that weren't even there, and feeling emotions that did not really exist. 

But either way, I was happy. And so was Chan, as far as I knew. 

"Okay, now I gotta go, work calls," Chan rose from his seat, bidding adieu to Hyeon-ju and Hee-yeol, and I stood up to walk him out. 

As the two of us left the room, he turned to me, his eyes expressing utmost love. How could someone carry so much love in them? 

"Stara," he spoke, his voice velvety. 

"Yeah, Channie?" I did not even realize that I had called him that. 

"'Channie' sounds pretty when it comes from you," he winked at me, and then chuckled at my awkward self, who was having a hard time concealing my obvious blush. 

"I wanted to let you know that I won't be coming here tomorrow. We're filming SKZ CODE's new episode." 

"Oh..." 

"So, I wanted to ask..." 

I looked at him. 

"Would you like to meet them? My brothers?" 

(a/n: imagineeeeeee meeting stray kids. wow. only my dream. 

WE HIT 4K!! THANK YOU FOR SO MANY READS!! <333

how was this? i know, more of her thoughts, but yeah! 

thanks for reading! i love you!)