Whispers Of False Promises » bangchan [indefinite hiatus]

episode 19: light up the city

"So," I spoke after a little pause, "How was... Minhee?" 

The stars' twinkle couldn't diminish -- just like the light of his eyes. Chan hummed beside me, still staring at the sky, and his small smile did not vanish. 

"She was a good person," he spoke, thinking a little, "She cared for her friends, she was good to her brother, she was an idol child for her parents." 

"But how was she to you, Chan?" 

His smile faltered until it showed no more, "She was good to me, too... initially." 

"Did something happen to make her act cold to you?" I genuinely asked. 

Chan tightened his lips, and I could see that even though his eyes were directed toward the sky, his mind had drifted off to another universe. His eyes barely blinked, and for a second, I thought I had intruded a bit too much. 

"I... don't know," he finally spoke, "I loved her too much. Maybe she could not fathom the intensity of it." 

My heart ached for him; although he was no longer with her, just the thought of loving someone so much while they are physically present with you, but not emotionally, was heartbreaking. 

"It's a shame that the more we love someone, the less attainable they are to us," I said, averting my eyes to the stars again. With my thoughts being let out of my mouth, I could not bear to look at him any longer, or I would break into tears. 

"Do you love someone, too?" he asked. 

How odd was it to sit beside the love of your life without them knowing how smitten you were for them?

"Yes. I do." You. Only you. 

At this very point, my entire personality was designed to desire his love; my soul was a mold that was meant to hold his heart and his wishes, and his disdain and his affection. I was no longer a product of my own thoughts -- I existed for him. And it was hard to admit that without sounding absolutely insane. 

Under the silver moonshine, his smile lit up the city, and he asked, "Who is it?" 

"If I tell him, I might ruin everything I have with him." 

"But sometimes, Kaira, all you need to do is to tell them." 

I blinked back my overflowing emotions and looked at him, and he was looking straight at me, earnestness showing in his eyes, as he continued, "Maybe one step is all it takes to attain Heaven." 

"And if I take that step, it would still not change anything," I depressingly spoke. 

"Why would you think that?" 

"Maybe... my love is too intense, as well," and the two of us chuckled. 

"You know," he spoke, "After this conversation, I think neither of us would remain the way we used to be before we talked." 

"Hm? Why?" I looked at him. 

"Don't you see it?" he grinned widely, "Tonight, we have merged into one. You'll carry parts of me in you, and I'll carry parts of you in me. After this, we wouldn't be the same anymore." 

I stared at him in awe, and he sheepishly chuckled, rubbing the nape of his neck, "I hope that wasn't too cheesy, hahaha!" 

"I think that's beautiful," I added, "The way you see it. I believe that leaving parts of you in people is a beautiful concept, because as long as they will go on, they will carry those parts of you in them. How amazing is that?" 

Chan did not say anything, but gazed at me, and I could not tell what those eyes of his hid in them. 

"You know," he remarked after a pause, "I've never had someone to talk this way to. Thank you for being here, Kaira. I truly appreciate you." 

"Well, I've barely ever had someone I could talk to, so thank you for being here, too, Chan. I truly appreciate you, too." 

The two of us laughed lightly, and he checked the time on his phone, "Oh, it's about to be 2 AM! Lemme drop you home." 

And as we stood up and dusted our clothes, and descended down the stairs that led to the rooftop, the only thought that remained in my mind was the sole glee that proved to be a residue of finally feeling like living. I was happy because I have lived until tonight, I was happy because I have lived to talk to Chan this way. 

(a/n: me too please :( 

if you are craving more channie delulu content, check out my poetry book BANG CHAN, where i write poetry dedicated to channie! 

HOW WAS THISSSSSS???? 

thanks for reading! i love you!)