Whispers Of False Promises » bangchan [indefinite hiatus]

episode 10: golden hour

"There will always be a person who looks like a poem Earth wrote to keep you alive."

- Juansen Dizon

_____

"Han Jisung and Seo Changbin know your name!" Hyeon-ju exclaimed, long after 3RACHA had walked away, and we were in our training room. I was giddy with an overwhelming feeling of astonishment. Had Chan told them about my existence? In fact, it was shocking that Chan even remembered my existence. 

"Girl, do you even realize what that means?" Hee-yeol's eyes were wide, "I was right! Bang Chan of Stray Kids mentioned you to his group... to the point that Changbin had to say 'finally' about meeting you." 

"Wait, does he keep talking about Kaira to them? Because that 'finally' seemed suspicious," Hyeon-ju raised her brows, and then gasped, "I bet he doesn't shut up about you!" 

"Okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves," I shushed them, "It's probably because of that first evaluation. Maybe it's pity that Changbin was showing?" 

"How pessimistic are you!" Hyeon-ju berated me, "Just accept that the heartthrob of this world is into you!"

"That seems too far-fetched to be true..." I frowned, because it was humanly impossible for my subject of adoration to be "into me". I had spent nights and days thinking about him, fantasizing wholesome scenarios in which he was mine and I was his, and now, the fact that he even knew my name sent chills down my spine and froze my blood. 

"Well, yeah, let's not exaggerate it. If anything has to happen, then it will, you know?" Hee-yeol was perhaps the most mature out of us all, "And, by the way, tomorrow is an off. It's strange to think that trainees are getting a day off, but I'm gonna sleep all day." 

"Oh, yeah!" Hyeon-ju hummed, "I'm gonna catch up on K-dramas. What are you gonna do, Kaira?" 

"I'll... probably go on a walk or so," I did not have anything else to do. 

---

And I did. 

It was about 6:49 PM when I reached Han River, walking into a park near the river to sit down and watch the sunset. The wind created minor ripples on the surface of the river, and the beams of the magic hour undulated over the water. The sun sunk into the river in the backdrop; ribbons of yellow and orange mingled into the barest form of knots in the sky, as if their hold onto each other was a promise of eternity, the purest lock of forever. If I looked too hard, I could see the smallest stars sprinkled over it, the forthcoming stage of resurfacing the night sky not too far away. This was a treat to the eyes; the food to the soul. 

I sat down on the grass, and as a breeze blew past, I vaguely observed the rippling tides of the river wave the picture of the golden hour on it. I had not found time to collect my thoughts lately, and I closed my eyes and breathed in and out.

Eunji's words from that dream I remembered too clearly flooded my mind -- was all this true? Or was I in a dream sequence of my own? Or was I sent here to fall in love and make a life I wished for? And even if the last guess was true, then wouldn't it all end if either of us -- me or Chan -- were to expire?

"Can I sit with you?" 

I jolted my head up at the sound of this familiar voice behind me. I couldn't ever miss the velvety texture of his voice. 

And there he was again; Bang Chan, wearing a mask over his face and a beanie on his head. Dressed in a pair of loose jeans and an experimentally amazing t-shirt, he looked around to see if anyone was around, and when he was satisfied with the lack of people there, he removed his mask and smiled at me. 

I was too starstruck to even respond. 

"I'm pretty sure the sunset is prettier than me, so let's watch that together?" he giggled, and I blinked, face reddening. I shakily nodded, and he sat beside me on the grass. I was too aware of his form beside me, and the moment I turned my face toward him and saw him gazing into the sunset, his face glittering with a magical glow of the golden hour, I was certain. 

I was certain that I was living in a dream that Eunji had conspired in that dream. 

"Is it your leave, too, today?" I nervously questioned, and he looked at me, shaking his head. 

"This life doesn't have leaves anymore," he chuckled a bit, "The life I have chosen, and the life you're heading toward... holidays are an opportunity for working harder. I just came here to freshen up for a bit, but it was hard to break out." 

"That must be hard..." I breathed in and out, "It must be tiring to live like this for the rest of your life." 

"Yeah, but I can't complain, you know? I dreamt of this, I worked toward it, I chose it. If I complain about it, then wouldn't that make me ungrateful?" 

"I, uh..." I was afraid to voice out my opinion, but I exhaled and did it anyway, "It would make you human, rather. It's very humane to crave something and then dread it. Because even though you worked and chose the glory of your dreams, the hardships must have come along without you even knowing about some of them. Or am I wrong?" 

Chan looked at me, "Well... that's right," he looked deep in thought, "I knew that hatred would come with it, but..." he trailed off. 

I wanted to steal the hatred he received, enclose it in a box, and throw it so far away that it could never find a way to reach back to him. But I couldn't say it out loud, could I? 

Chan sighed, "But that's the thing about people. They're strange creatures, but I love them nonetheless." 

"You love people?" I asked, and he eagerly nodded. 

"People bring in the colors in this world. This nature, it exists, but those who live in it are truly the wonders of the world," he smiled at me, and then looked at the dipping sun, "Like this sunset. It's gorgeous, but it needs people to appreciate its beauty... because without appreciation, everything dies down." 

"You've got a point," I spoke, plucking the grass on the ground, "I am not fond of people myself, but..." I gazed at him, who was staring in awe at the setting sun, and continued with a smile, "There will always be a person who looks like a poem Earth wrote to keep you alive." 

Chan turned to look at me, and the breeze played around just at the right time -- the glimmering beauty of the man before me, accentuated by the glow of the orange sun, staring right into my soul and making my heart pace unhealthily. 

"You look pretty when you smile," he charmingly grinned, and I lost my breath. 

"Thank you..." I could match his eyes no more. 

"Well, Kaira," he stood up, and it took all of my willpower for me to not hold onto him and stop him to sit with me for another while, "I should get going: idol life calls, hahaha!" 

And I watched him go, so certain in my heart that he was the poetry written to keep me alive. 

(a/n: I HAVE AN EXAM IN A FEW HOURS BUT NDNCWDONWOKNJFKSDIWODJSN- 

HOW WAS THISSSS? I needed romance in this im so sorry if it seemed out of place T_T 

thanks for reading! i love you!)