Whispers Of False Promises » bangchan [indefinite hiatus]

episode 18: beautiful

(a/n: the song linked above is made wholly by my friend from college, and it suits the vibe of this chapter so much. i hope you like the song and the chapter, both :))

I was given the task of preparing the first track within the week itself, and now, it had become usual for me to stay until late hours at the JYPE headquarters. Tonight, though, as I worked on the song, I felt extremely hungry, and I decided to get something to eat from the cafeteria. Although it was already 1 AM and no one would attend to my order, I chose to take a packet of wafers and decided to pay the next day. 

As I walked back to the studio, eating the wafers, I tried to take a peek at the spare studio on the same floor as I was on, hearing noises of something tapping from inside. Who else could possibly be there at this time? 

And as I opened the door, I wasn't too shocked to know that it was, yet again, Chan. The promotions had ended a couple of days ago, and he was perhaps preparing for the next album, considering how it was late at night already. 

He didn't hear me walk in since he had headphones on, but I felt like I was intruding on his personal space. I thought of turning away and leaving as swiftly as I had come in, but I breathed in and out; let's meet him and know if he's okay, at least -- whether Cho Minhee had left him for good, and wasn't troubling him anymore. 

So I knocked, and he turned his head, removing his headphones, "Still working at late hours?" 

"Could ask you the same thing," I chuckled, and he stood up from his seat, "Come, sit." 

"Oh, I don't want to interrupt the creative process. Sorry for just barging in-" 

"You don't have to apologize," he smiled, and for a moment, neither of us said anything. The air around us was not heavy or awkward in any way -- no, it was rather warm and comforting, like a fresh wave of heat you would receive while sitting around a bonfire; the feeling homely, cozy, and snug. 

"I heard you got an upcoming solo artist assigned to you?" Chan asked, and I eagerly nodded, "Mhm!" 

"Congratulations, Kaira," he said, a glint of happiness in his eyes, "You are truly promising, and I'm glad you're getting this chance." 

"Thank you so much!" I gave him a big, toothy grin. 

"How did your parents react to it?" he asked, exuberance evident in his tone, and my smile faltered from the edges. 

"Well... they were happy..." I tried to maintain the mask of excitement, but he perhaps saw right through it, because he spoke, "I'm sorry, did I strike the wrong chord?"

"No, of course not," I shook my head. 

"If you want to talk, I'm here," Chan said, earnestly, "And I'm done with the song anyway." 

"I wouldn't want to trouble you, Chan," I hesitantly spoke, and he scoffed playfully, "Come on, I can try to be your comfort person, too, you know?" 

But you already are. 

I cracked a small smile, and I nodded. 

"You wanna go to the rooftop? It has the prettiest view of the city." 

---

The stars were magnificent, they always have been. Illuminated by the glory of the moon, peeking at us through the dark veil of the night sky, they twinkled and looked at us as fiercely and passionately as I looked at them. And, tonight, I was not alone with these pieces of celestial wonders. 

Chan stared up at the stars with me, and I felt relieved. 

Relieved, because it felt like I could finally breathe. To breathe in the presence of someone you have been yearning for, to exist in the same timelines as them, to share the same space as them under the curtain of a starry night -- how beautiful was it? 

"It's so beautiful," Chan breathed, and I could barely take my eyes off him. 

Yes, it's so beautiful. You are so beautiful, Chan. 

He looked at me and smiled mischievously, "Focus on the stars, Kaira, focus on the city. I'm not as gorgeous." 

I was pretty sure I blushed at that, but I mindlessly spoke, "You're wrong, you know." 

"Am I?" he giggled, "Nah, I don't think so." 

"I just need to let you know that..." I inhaled and exhaled, not ready to process what I was going to say further, "That you're the brightest star in so many skies. You shine so bright, so full, and you need to know how valuable you are to so many. Millions, if not more. Chan, you..." I finally tore my eyes away from him and looked at the sky, "You are someone who belongs to the heavens. It's a blessing that I get to share the same years as you." 

"You see that star? That twinkling one? It wasn't there until a few moments ago," Chan spoke after a little moment, having been left speechless just now, "It was hidden by that cloud. Now, you see, it's twinkling to it's heart's content..." and then he looked at me, "You are that one. You aren't always around me, but you still twinkle whenever you're around. I appreciate you so much." 

I gazed at him, wondering how I earned the fortune to be complimented by him. 

"I want to know more about you," he said. 

"There's not much to know about me..." 

"You're here, about to become a huge music producer, and you say there's nothing to know about you," he chuckled, "Don't lie."

"What should I start with, then?" I hesitantly said. 

"If I'm not being intrusive, then maybe why you got all sad when I asked about your parents?" he carefully spoke, analyzing my every move as he spoke each syllable. 

I crossed my legs, straightening my back, "They were happy about it, they were proud of me. And they told me that my older sister must be proud of me, too, wherever she must be... I don't know where she is anymore, though." 

"Is she...?" Chan frowned. 

I nodded, "Eunji passed away a year ago in a car crash." 

His frown deepened, "I'm so sorry to hear that." 

I could feel the tears pricking my eyes, "She was my best friend, my biggest supporter. Even when she was scared of something, she would comfort me first, keeping me calm and steady. You know, the last thing we talked about was about my career. I remember that she'd told me to rebel against my parents if I had to, just so I could focus on my dreams. 'Leave everything to me, I'll handle mom and dad' -- she'd told me... hours before she passed." 

Chan gently turned my face toward him, and using his hoodie paws, he wiped the tears off my face, which I hadn't known I had let loose. 

"I'm so sorry for crying like this, I-I... I'm sorry..." 

"Stop apologizing for being vulnerable, Kaira," Chan said, "It takes guts to be vulnerable before someone. And you're strong." 

I sniffled, and he continued, "I hate that I cannot do anything to take your pain away, but just like your parents said, I am sure Eunji must be proud of you. And she's looking down at you right now, among those stars, smiling, because you've done it. You've achieved your dreams, and the only way you can move is forward." 

I nodded, wiping the residue of the tears left on my face. He said, "So keep her alive in your heart with the happy memories, not the pain. I'm sure she must also want you to be happy, yeah?" 

"Yes," my voice came cracked, and he gave me a tight-lipped smile, nodding, "That's better." 

"Thank you, Chan," I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his side, and he waited for a few seconds before hugging me back, rubbing my back. 

"Always a comfort person, right?" 

(a/n: to be continued... 

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