Jeremy Jordan Imagines

Funny Thing About Caring-Winn Schott

Author's Note: This chapter deals with sensitive issues such as depression and suicide. It could be a possible trigger so please read with caution. I just want you to know that you are worth it and you are definitely loved.

I walked around Cat Grant's office, dodging out of people's way. I sighed when person after person "accidentally" bumped into me. I gasped when one guy bumped into me head on, causing me to fall backwards.

I bit my lip as I collected my files that were now scattered across the hallway. "Y/N," Cat Grant groaned. "Pick up these files! I swear, you are the clumsiest assistant ever." As she stepped over my papers I heard her mumble, "This is why I always give Kara the assignments, not you."

I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up, leaving the files and ran for the elevator. I covered my mouth to stop the sob from escaping my lips as the elevator doors closed. The minute they opened again, I took off running and didn't stop until I was home.

I closed the door and leaned against it, trying to catch my breath. My head was fuzzy and my breath was coming in and out in gasps. I ran to my bathroom and gripped the edge of my sink. I looked up at the mirror and hated what I saw. My eyes were an ugly color, my nose was too big, my teeth were crooked, my hair was stringy, and I was fat.

All I could hear was everyone's voices. My mother telling me to wear more makeup to help me look pretty. My father telling me that I have to lose weight for a boy to love me. Even Cat's voice telling me I'm worthless.

I ripped open my medicine cabinet and instantly grabbed my pain medication from my knee surgery a few years ago. I opened the bottle and poured a few into my hand. A tear fell onto the palm of my hand as I looked down at the pills I poured. I brought my hand up to my mouth and swallowed the pills.

As I laid down on my cold bathroom floor, I reached for my phone. Without too much thought, I called the only person I wanted to talk to. The only voice I wanted to hear.

Winn.

"Y/N?" He answered after the first ring. "Where are you? It's almost noon. Kara and I were just talking about how we hadn't seen you, like at all today."

"Winn," I said weakly.

"Y/N? You there? You sound kind of weird. Are you okay?"

"No," I said before the darkness took over.

*****

"Y/N?" I thought I heard. "Y/N? Oh no. . . Please no." I felt someone try to shake me awake.

"Winn?" I mumbled with my eyes still closed.

"Yes! Y/N, it's me. Please wake up."

I opened my eyes to see Winn kneeling over me, cupping my face in his hands. "Winn," I said weakly. He gently picked me up and pulled me into his chest.

"Y/N, what happened? How did this. . ." His eyes widened when he saw the empty pill bottle on the floor. "Y/N, no. . ."

"I'm sorry," I said as a tear fell down my cheek. "I just. . . I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said as he caught the tear. "I'm here now. But I. . . I need you to throw them up. Okay? I know it's gross, but if you don't you could. . . I could lose you, Y/N and I won't let that happen. So please." I looked at him as the tears formed in his eyes.

I nodded making him let out a sigh of relief. He stood up and helped me do the same. "I'll umm. . . I'll leave. But I'll be right outside okay?" He hesitated before leaving the room.

"Winn?" I called out when I had done it. I stood up, walked over to the sink and brushed my teeth and rinsed out my mouth. As I dried my mouth, I looked at the mirror and watched as Winn walked in.

I could tell by the look on Winn's face that he wanted to ask something. I sat on the bathroom counter and patiently waited for him to say it. "I just. . . I don't understand. . . Why'd you do it?"

I look down as I kicked my feet like a little kid as he started to pace back and forth. "I know how Cat treats you and. . . And honestly it makes me so mad! But you can't let her get to you! She's just. . . Well she's Cat Grant."

"It's not just her," I interrupted him. Winn instantly turned towards me, a confused look on his face. I cleared my throat before continuing. "It's. . . It's everyone. I have people treat me like shit at work, my dad has always been telling me I need to work out and lose weight. And my mom, holy shit my mom is the worst. She keeps saying that no man is ever going to love me because I don't take care of myself, like I don't wear enough makeup or nice enough clothes. With everything people have been saying, I've started to believe them."

"Y/N," Winn sighed, shaking his head back and forth.

"It's like I've never been enough for my parents." I talked slower as I watched Winn step towards me, positioning himself so he was standing between my legs. I gasped when Winn put his hands on top of my thighs. "And I. . . I didn't think anyone would care. . ." Winn cut me off by grabbing my waist and pressing his lips to mine.

"Funny thing about caring," he said as he pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine, "you can't see when someone truly cares about you."

"Winn," I started to say but he cut me off and pressed his lips to mine.

He pulled away and looked down at the ground. I turned my head and followed his gaze. I bit my lip when I saw he was staring at the empty pill bottle.

"Winn, I should explain." I said softly.

"I don't want an explanation, Y/N. I want a promise," he said finally looking at me.

"A promise?" I stuttered.

"Yes. A promise that you'll never do anything like that again. A promise that you'll come talk to me when you're feeling lonely. A promise that you know I will always be here for you." He reached up and cupped my face in his hands. "I will never leave you so promise me you'll never leave me."

"I promise."