Et Nos Cedamus Amori

XI.

"Semper inops quicumque cupit." -Claudian

Whoever desires is always poor.

Jordon was on the phone with his very important and lifelong friend, Daniel Chiou.

"It's just so infuriating..." Jordon said, ranting to Daniel over the phone.

"You're infuriated because his best friend can't tell his love for him?" Daniel asked in disbelief.

"Yeah..."

There was a moment of silence towards them, until Daniel spoke up again.

"Why are you so absorbed in all this, Jordon... I get that you're a friend who's worried but you don't have to get involved that much. He's a grown man, he could do it. You don't have to protect him all the time." Dan said, a worried tone in his voice.

"But I feel like I do. He's so precious and I'm not infantilizing him... But I feel like I have to save him from this pain."

"Jordon, you can't always fix people's problems. You could help sure, but you don't need it when they depend on you. They could handle it in their own ways..."

They were silent again for a while, not speaking. You could hear Dan's sighs from the other side of the line.

"Jordon, are you in love with him?" Dan finally asked, having a sudden and clear realization. "Is this about your past life's pain? Is that really him?" Dan added.

Jordon paced around the room and sat down after a few moments. Dan was patiently waiting for Jordon's answer.

"All my life, I've grown up wanting to take care of people. I still wanna and I still do... The past life has gotta have a word on that, but you know me. I'm not the type who's physically showy. It took me a lot of time to open up about physicality but the moment he cried?" Jordon ranted, heart beating out of his chest.

"I just wanted to hold him close, without feeling insecure about it. I wanted to keep him safe in my arms, holding him close and promising him that I would never hurt him... The way Eddy does. I want him now because my past self never got a taste of the love that he gave Eddy even before he was born..." Jordon paused, stopping himself.

"It just sucks because his devotion still lies with Eddy... No matter how much pain he's in, he's determined to get Eddy back in every lifetime of his. I know I'll never live up to that but goddamn, Dan. I want to be his everything, even for just a temporary amount of time."

Daniel was still waiting on the other side of the line, just listening to his friend.

"I know I could never take Eddy's place in his life, I know that... I just can't accept the fact that I've done nothing in order to gain a spot similar, if not, greater than Eddy's." Jordon finalized, now crying his eyes out.

Jordon felt like crying out everything now. All the sorrow he had felt from before, it felt like he could free them now.

"Oh, Jordon... Please don't cry. It's okay if you love him, there's nothing wrong with that. If your past life thinks that it's what you should do then you should. Just remind yourself that you are greater than you think you are. Especially now you have control of your life now." Dan's comforting voice said.

"Yeah... Thanks for the reminder, Dan. Thank you..." Jordon said before hanging up.

At the other end of the line, Dan sighed as the beep from the phone rang up his ears. This is a disaster.

- - - - -

Pyotr and Brett were lying down his bed. Brett was resting his head on Pyotr's chest as Pyotr was running his hands through Brett's hair. He sneaks little kisses here and there but Brett was too tired to notice. Brett also caressed Pyotr's exposed skin on his arm.