Et Nos Cedamus Amori

XXV.

"Amans iratus multa mentitur." -Publilius Syrus

An angry lover tells himself many lies.

"Eddy, you don't love me anymore. What are you so scared of?" Toni whispered as they sat down together.

"I'm not scared of anything!" Eddy said, defending everything he had said.

"Then why are you so riled up? Eddy, I'm already engaged... We can't be together. I'm already happy with him. He is my soulmate." Toni said, smiling at Eddy with pity.

"I know... I just wanted to make you aware. That's all." Eddy said, hating how much he sounded like Brett.

Sounding so lovestruck yet so full of hopelessness.

"Eddy, did you really think that the moment you tell me that you love me again, we'll get back together and pick up where we left off?" Toni asked.

"Is it bad that I was expecting that even if it were far from the truth?" Eddy answered with a question, feeling a physical pain in his chest.

"Eddy, that's never going to happen. You need to hear this, no matter how painful. You said this is what Brett had said when he fessed up, right?"

Eddy only nodded.

"You now know what it feels. He only wanted to tell you, but he was aware that the chances of his love being requited was little. It was not completely null, that's for sure but he knew it was hopeless. But it wasn't completely wrong for him to have a little ounce of hope."

"Your point?"

"Eddy, our situation now is different from his... Us, we don't stand a chance anymore. Him, he could hold on to a bit of hope that you gave him the past year and a half. What he felt was real and it was valid. I mean, the man has been in love with you before he even realized it for himself." Toni concluded, looking at Eddy with a knowing look.

"Wow, thanks for consoling my feelings of guilt, I guess." Eddy said sarcastically.

"This is what's wrong, Eddy. You don't listen to others very well. You always make a move if it's convenient for you. Yes, it's not always selfish but you hurt people without knowing."

"But isn't that what all humans do? Hurt others without knowing?"

"Yes, we do. But people like Brett exist, too. The ones who shelter the pain within them in order to avoid others from hurting."

With that, Eddy was quiet. But he was just being honest and transparent, right?

"But I was just being honest... Isn't it better than just hiding your feelings away?" Eddy asked, trying to ease the guilt within him.

"Eddy, hiding feelings is not dishonesty. Sometimes, people are afraid of letting themselves be seen. Not everyone has the luxury to just say what they have to say and not suffer consequences. You're lucky that he loves you so much that he always takes the fall for you both. You have the privilege to be whoever you want with him." Toni again said, trying to make Eddy see what he needs to.

"But I don't want that. I don't want anyone to save me."

"He's not trying to save you or protect you, Eddy. He's only allowing you to be whoever you wanna be."

Eddy sighed, the guilt stirring in the pits of his stomach even more.

"I just don't understand why he wants to shoulder the pain. I don't get why he would sacrifice so much for me. I'm not anything special and so is he."

"Maybe it has something to do with his past self. You never had visions of past him and past you?"

"Never had one. Maybe his soulmate is a different person. Maybe we both just had the same name. Who knows, maybe his soulmate is another Eddy Chen? Because if we're soulmates, why don't i have visions yet?"