Et Nos Cedamus Amori

XXIV.

"Cras amet qui nunquam amavit; quique amavit, cras amet." -Pervigilium Veneris

May he love tomorrow who has never loved before; and may he who has loved, love tomorrow as well.

The moment Eddy saw the bride walk down the aisle, he can't help but feel a pinch in his chest. Sure, he may never feel a love wherein he gets married in a church but he doesn't mind. He was never religious, anyway.

But there was something beautiful about wedding in churches. The rumble of an organ playing the infamous wedding march, the echo within the cathedral of words and the love that it naturally radiates. Yes, Eddy isn't spiritual too but there's something about being bound to each other in a church that no feeling can beat.

The father was walking the bride, leading her to the altar and give her off to Kevin, Eddy's cousin. He had already approved of him, but he was silently praying to the God in front of him. Silently praying that the next man he will pass his daughter to will love her as much as he ever did. If not as much, he was hoping more.

Eddy was somehow jealous, knowing that he will never get that type of approval by his own parents. He looked away to avoid the pain, but it was oh so beautiful. Everything about this wedding seemed so right.

His eyes wander back to her accidentally. The very first woman he had loved next to his mother and his sister. She was there, in a gorgeous golden gown with her teary eyes and wonderful lips. He knows he shouldn't.

He shouldn't look at her like this. He shouldn't look at her the same way he did years ago. He felt another pang in his chest the moment his mind drifts to Brett. The realization strikes and the guilt sinks in his stomach.

I'm still in love with Toni.

The feeling was so indescribable. He could still see himself in this setting with Toni. A future with Brett seemed unclear in his mind. He knows he shouldn't be thinking this way. He really shouldn't consider the possibility of marrying his ex.

Not when he had told Brett that he was ready to be with him.

Yet, as any human, the thought dances around his mind. It drifts to a color scheme of royal blue and silver. A white dress and a veil with her being walked by her dad. Brett, his best man, standing next to him looking at the beautiful couple and smiling.

This is the time that Eddy felt guilt. He wanted to go back to the time when he wasn't aware of Brett's love. To go back to the time where Brett was a supportive best friend instead of this wonderful in between best friend and boyfriend boundary. He clenched his fist and tears were almost streaming down his face.

He had controlled it but the guilt was there. He should really call Brett after this and apologize. Apologize for the past year, for letting him hold on, only to end up with nothing in return and to apologize for meaning what he had said yesterday but realizing he regrets it.

The wedding is finally finished and they were all headed to the reception. Eddy was glad he was alone for a moment so that he could call Brett. Nervously, he scrolled through his contacts and looked for Brett. With his shaking hands, he pressed call.

He was so nervous and he didn't know why. It's not like Brett will ever leave him or react so badly. Eddy's sure that Brett will understand.

"Hello?" Brett said in a warm tone, he was happy that Eddy called earlier than he had expected.

"Hey..." Eddy replied, trying to match Brett's tone.

"How's the wedding?" Brett asked.

"It was beautiful. It made me think of something, though." Eddy said with a sad tone.